In all seriousness, I could give you a list of mics I like on acoustic.
Earthworks SR-71's-detailed and accurate In a stereo pair, great imaging.
Neumann KM-184's- Again, a lot of detail and air. On some sources, too much top end.
Octava MC-012's- A little darker, rounder, smoother sound. A good match on sources that are strident to begin with. I like these mics.