cnix
New member
Everyone did a great job with the challenge writing portion! I am looking forward to hearing your songs.
Gone - strat1958
Nice song of love lost, emptiness. It has a nice flow and feel as I read through it. I really like the first 2 lines of the chorus "Coming home, room was cold, Overnight I felt so old" good stuff.
I also love the first 3 lines of the Bridge, was not as keen on the 4th line, but thats just me.
Great job and looking forward to hearing it.
Nonexistent - icystorm
Good song about love lost, a recurring theme. (mine was to, ha) Your metaphors work well, a very nice touch. I like your bridge a lot, but on the first line, consider changing "I'll never" to "to ever" just like in line 2. That is just my taste, I like somewhat repeating lines.
Great job and looking forward to hearing it. By the way, thanks for the line suggestion on my song. It was way better than my line.
emptiness - louisv
Intresting approach to emptiness, reminds me a little of the Prodical Son. You tell a good story, about being away and lonely, the ultimate emptiness, and catching up with the people you love, only to find loneliness when you do return.
I am struggling with the meter, so looking forward to hearing how you handle that. Not sure you have a chorus listed, if not, I think that would be a good thing.
Nice job.
emptiness - up-fiddler
You have captured the challenge of emptiness with loneliness very nicely. I like the flow and feel of your song. Entwined, thats good. I am not sure the cause of the loneliness, but there are hints of just needing a friend, or love, or even age. Thats a good thing, has me thinking. Verse 2 is my favorite.
I like the chorus a lot, but, not sure about the last 2 lines. To me, they are not up to the standard you set with the first 6 lines.
As always, great job and I look forward to the listen.
emptiness - gecko zzedYour song of loneliness has a nice flow and read. As always, you bring on some deeper meanings in your songs. I have to read the lyrics several times to try to figure out the source of loneliness. Thats cool. Someone who would not open up to the people, or person he loved, locked his thoughts away. Maybe he did not have anyone who would love him. Then, all the thoughts were lost from decay, loneliness, so did he really have any thoughts at all? Determined to do something about it and change his fate, he finds himself all alone and is not able to do anything about it.
Great song, looking forward to hearing.
yellow dress - nzausrec
A song of emptiness captured by the loss of a child is very touching. I hope it is fiction. Your song has a good flow and easy read. I like the first verse, but love the 3rd verse. Excellent writing. There are repeats in verses 4 and 5 which leads me to believe they are the chorus, but I believe your 3rd verse
would provide a better chorus. Hard to improve on that.
Great job and I look forward to hearing it.
Gone - strat1958
Nice song of love lost, emptiness. It has a nice flow and feel as I read through it. I really like the first 2 lines of the chorus "Coming home, room was cold, Overnight I felt so old" good stuff.
I also love the first 3 lines of the Bridge, was not as keen on the 4th line, but thats just me.
Great job and looking forward to hearing it.
Nonexistent - icystorm
Good song about love lost, a recurring theme. (mine was to, ha) Your metaphors work well, a very nice touch. I like your bridge a lot, but on the first line, consider changing "I'll never" to "to ever" just like in line 2. That is just my taste, I like somewhat repeating lines.
Great job and looking forward to hearing it. By the way, thanks for the line suggestion on my song. It was way better than my line.
emptiness - louisv
Intresting approach to emptiness, reminds me a little of the Prodical Son. You tell a good story, about being away and lonely, the ultimate emptiness, and catching up with the people you love, only to find loneliness when you do return.
I am struggling with the meter, so looking forward to hearing how you handle that. Not sure you have a chorus listed, if not, I think that would be a good thing.
Nice job.
emptiness - up-fiddler
You have captured the challenge of emptiness with loneliness very nicely. I like the flow and feel of your song. Entwined, thats good. I am not sure the cause of the loneliness, but there are hints of just needing a friend, or love, or even age. Thats a good thing, has me thinking. Verse 2 is my favorite.
I like the chorus a lot, but, not sure about the last 2 lines. To me, they are not up to the standard you set with the first 6 lines.
As always, great job and I look forward to the listen.
emptiness - gecko zzedYour song of loneliness has a nice flow and read. As always, you bring on some deeper meanings in your songs. I have to read the lyrics several times to try to figure out the source of loneliness. Thats cool. Someone who would not open up to the people, or person he loved, locked his thoughts away. Maybe he did not have anyone who would love him. Then, all the thoughts were lost from decay, loneliness, so did he really have any thoughts at all? Determined to do something about it and change his fate, he finds himself all alone and is not able to do anything about it.
Great song, looking forward to hearing.
yellow dress - nzausrec
A song of emptiness captured by the loss of a child is very touching. I hope it is fiction. Your song has a good flow and easy read. I like the first verse, but love the 3rd verse. Excellent writing. There are repeats in verses 4 and 5 which leads me to believe they are the chorus, but I believe your 3rd verse
would provide a better chorus. Hard to improve on that.
Great job and I look forward to hearing it.
