October / November Challenge

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cnix

cnix

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Well, below is my entry as it stands now, minus some tweaks I will make along the way, also considering adding a bridge. This is a song about love lost, imagine that. Caution, it is very depressing. I have listed a couple verses and chorus, but not sure the order of the verses, may switch them around. It is called, for now, Set Free.

Charlie

Verse 1
It’s not the ending I had planned.
Her crumpled picture in my hand.
As her love for me fades, fades away.
I’m living with a broken heart.
Life’s meaningless with us apart.
Searching for a way, to make it through the day.

Chorus
I just want to live.
I just want to love.
I just want to free her hold on me.
Break the chains that bind my grief.
And be set free. And be set free.


Verse 2
All alone with nothing left inside.
Hollow feelings I can’t hide.
I’m living day by day, day by day.
Left with just an empty soul.
Drained by the love she stole.
Searching for a way, to make it through the day.

Chorus
I just want to live.
I just want to love.
I just want to free her hold on me.
Break the chains that bind my grief.
I just want to laugh.
I just want to cry.
I just want to free her hold on me.
Break the chains that bind my grief
And be set free, And be set free, And be set free
 
Thanks for your contribution. It is always interesting to get different people participating. Like others, you've note the depressingness of your lyrics . . . a universal thought, it seems.
 
Although I'm sure all these lines appear in a multitude of other songs, it's still a decent song. It was very direct and too the point and did remind me of the feelings of wanting to shed the hurt after a relationship ends, but knowing that there's no easy fix and just that time will fade those pains.

I think a middle 8 section would add something to it.
 
Not sure I know the jargon, is a middle 8 the same as a bridge? I plan to add a bridge, I think. However, thanks for the comment Mr. Funk.
 
Well, the middle 8 is similar to a bridge, only I would say a bridge in a song usually occurs more than once and is used to link sections (like in between the verse and the chorus). To me a middle 8 happens only once in a song. Traditionally near the middle and for 8 bars long, although I tend to have mine about 2 thirds in and usually 4 or 8 bars or sometimes 16.

I don't know a great deal about music terms etc either btw, so I may get corrected here! lol
 
Hah, you'll get corrected alright! :-)

What you describe is a "pre-chorus".

A bridge and a middle eight are the same thing. Middle eight is a UK term and bridge is US.

-Mike
 
Are there trolls living under a middle eight?

Hah, you'll get corrected alright! :-)

What you describe is a "pre-chorus".

A bridge and a middle eight are the same thing. Middle eight is a UK term and bridge is US.

-Mike

Perhaps we should cross that middle eight when we come to it. :D
 
I did not get to complete the recording for the challenge this past weekend, lots of company over during the holiday. I will post later this week, sorry for the delay.

Charlie
 
No worries Charlie....better late than never!

-Mike
 
Well, here it is for what it's worth. Can't say I am thrilled with it, thats for sure, but still, it was a lot of fun attempting to write and record a song about something I would never had done on my own. The wife said it sounds best with the volume turned ALL the way down:eek:

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=8442422

Charlie
 
Your wife is a cruel taskmaster.

Your song doesn't break any new musical ground, it's true, but it lopes along in a melancholy way and is pretty well performed.

It's always interesting hearing how lyrics become translated into music, and you have done a neat job of conveying the emotional content of your lyrics.

There are some comments I'd make about the production.

Overall, the sound is smooth, with lots of things happening without it getting messy. You have demonstrated good restraint.

Perhaps the kit could come up a bit, but that's only a personal taste thing. However, I wasn't sure about the double fill near where they first came in.

Although I've used effects on vocals, I'm not all that keen on them. The doubling of your vocals is a technique often used, but I'm not convinced it was necessary; I think your voice is fine enough as it is.

What I would like to hear most of all, though, is some more drama in the vocals. They're sung all the way through with little emotional variation. Partly I suspect it was to keep everything tidy. However, variations in intensity would add a lot of interest to the song.

Well done!
 
This song was very pleasing to me. It reminds me of John Lodge's contributions in The Moody Blues. Unlike Geck, I thought the doubled vocal worked in this arrangement. I also liked the synth, it was very 'retro' without sounding cheesy.

The song itself is nice to listen to, and follows a fairly standard structure and melody - that's not a bad thing, hundreds of hit songs have been written that have done the exact same thing!

A little extra drama in the arrangement or the vocal would have enhanced the song, but there's nothing wrong with it as it is, in my opinion. Nice job, Charlie!

-Mike
 
Just wanted to say thanks to the participants in the challenge. We all took a step where we normally would not go, and came up with some pretty good stuff!! I think we all need a pat on the back, cause some of your stuff was very good and for me, I was very impressed with your work. Nice job to all.

Charlie
 
Cnix,
I reckon if you nixed the synth & added washes of harmony it'd be a better match.
OR go full on 50's doo wop.
This song works pretty well, melancholy, yearning, mid paced minor key all do the job.
Nice work.
 
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