New Tune

G

GoldFalcon

New member
I try to write every day. Sometimes it works out, sometimes not. Sometime the stuff is t great, sometimes not. I was particularly happy with today's results. The recording was just a one take, straight through thing I did tonight after I wrote it so I don't forget how it goes.

She Wants To Feel Pretty:
She wants to feel pretty
she wants to be loved
she wants you to need her
till she can't get enough

She wants you to hold her
She wants to be touched
She wants you to want her
like the air in your lungs

there's stone on you face
that rivals your heart
You say nothing at all
Watch as she falls apart

You gave all that you had
back when you cared to give
Just tired of tryin to be
someone's reason to live
what she wants ot she needs
well it ain't found in you
she wants to feel pretty
but that don't matter to you

She wants to feel like a lady
She wants her name to be said
She wants to send your heels flyin
right over your head

there's stone on you face
that rivals your heart
You say nothing at all
Watch as she falls apart

You gave all that you had
back when you cared to give
Just tired of tryin to be
someone's reason to live
what she wants ot she needs
well it ain't found in you
she wants to feel pretty
but that don't matter to you

She wants to feel pretty
She wants to feel loved
She wants you to need her
Till you can't get enough.
Click to expand...
 
Good kind of Steve Earle thing you've got going there :)

Good clear message in the song, some excellent lines and the sadness that his destroyed emotional life is now destroying hers.

I would think about losing the word "pretty"; I appreciate this is a big suggestion, but I just feel it's too lightweight a word in the context of the song. (But bear in mind I'm a Brit and words have different meanings to us.)

Also, I know what you're saying with the "stone on your face" couplet, but I would reverse it, start with the cold in his heart leading to ston in his expression, or alternatively, at least drop the word "rivals" and use "comes from" or "leaks from" or something, I don't think a face can rival a heart.

Good stuff.

Garry
 
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