New Tune: Home Away from Home (Rock/Alternative/Punk/Indie)

  • Thread starter Thread starter Flyguitarfish
  • Start date Start date
Flyguitarfish

Flyguitarfish

Active member
Just whipped up this crazy tune yesterday and today. It’s about not wanting to go into an old folks home.

Thanks for any feedback you’re willing to offer!

Lyrics:

Home away from home

Now the sun is setting
Happens every day
It is so upsetting as
As it turns to gray

Home away from home
Fall apart faster
This is such a disaster

It is so exciting
Cookie cutter day
Don’t forget about me
When I’m old and grey

Eating mashed potatoes
Dinner 4 thir-TAY
Barely walking with a walker
Lost my memo-RAY

Home away from home
Fall apart faster
This is such a disaster

Oooooo I didn’t want to
Oooooo I never wanted to
Oooooo I think that’s its time to go
I just wanna go home

First Mix:



2nd mix:

 
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Jeffaklumpen said:
Nice tune, I like it! The speaking part could be a bit louder, can't hear anything they say.
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I was on the fence about that exact thing. I have heard many songs that do this kind of thing, and they are kind of quiet so I was going for that…but I think you’re right. Thanks!
 
Flyguitarfish said:
Just whipped up this crazy tune yesterday and today. It’s about not wanting to go into an old folks home.

Thanks for any feedback you’re willing to offer!

Lyrics:

Home away from home

Now the sun is setting
Happens every day
It is so upsetting as
As it turns to gray

Home away from home
Fall apart faster
This is such a disaster

It is so exciting
Cookie cutter day
Don’t forget about me
When I’m old and grey

Eating mashed potatoes
Dinner 4 thir-TAY
Barely walking with a walker
Lost my memo-RAY

Home away from home
Fall apart faster
This is such a disaster

Oooooo I didn’t want to
Oooooo I never wanted to
Oooooo I think that’s its time to go
I just wanna go home

View attachment 149929
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I like the tune - drums sound so so - need more separation between the lead and rhythm guitars - and more practice on the vocal - I think you need more ommmph to deliver the deadpan vocal style it sounds like you are trying to get - the speaking part is fine to me - could be louder - but it would take away from the feel I think.
 
Papanate said:
I like the tune - drums sound so so - need more separation between the lead and rhythm guitars - and more practice on the vocal - I think you need more ommmph to deliver the deadpan vocal style it sounds like you are trying to get - the speaking part is fine to me - could be louder - but it would take away from the feel I think.
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I did struggle with separating the guitars. Probably need to re-record with a different tone?

Any ideas on the drums? I’m not great at playing, recording, or mixing drums…so I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Also, not a chance I’ll ever sing much better! Oh well!
 
I feel that the separation between lean and rhythm is ok. Maybe lower the lead just slightly. If you want more separation maybe boost a bit at around 2k or somewhere else on the lead and lower the same frequency on the rhythm.

This might just the a taste thing, but I think the drums sound a bit to roomy, especially the snare. Maybe lower the room mic slightly.
 
Flyguitarfish said:
I did struggle with separating the guitars. Probably need to re-record with a different tone?
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I would just tweak them EQ wise - pan the rythmn guitars - and put a little reverb on them each - dut different kinds.
Flyguitarfish said:
Any ideas on the drums? I’m not great at playing, recording, or mixing drums…so I’d love to hear your thoughts.
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I can stand programing - but have learned to with EZ Drummer - I can play - but its too hard to get the right sound.
Flyguitarfish said:
Also, not a chance I’ll ever sing much better! Oh well!
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I disagree - it’s just practice - you have a sound and a tone - you just have to repeat a million times till it’s second nature.
 
Papanate said:
I would just tweak them EQ wise - pan the rythmn guitars - and put a little reverb on them each - dut different kinds.

I can stand programing - but have learned to with EZ Drummer - I can play - but its too hard to get the right sound.

I disagree - it’s just practice - you have a sound and a tone - you just have to repeat a million times till it’s second nature.
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Well that’s encouraging. What practice do you recommend? Just repetition? Or something a little more organized?

Honestly I’d rather practice playing drums than get into programming drums. I’m not against blending in sampled drum hits to add something that’s missing. I generally try to record the drums enough times until I get a take I’m happy with (usually around 40 takes). This time I called it good after the 3rd take because I just tore my right rotator cuff. PSA: I strongly discourage anyone from getting this injury!

Thanks for the feedback!
 
Jeffaklumpen said:
Nice tune, I like it! The speaking part could be a bit louder, can't hear anything they say.
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I increased the speaking part a little and tweaked a few things in the mix. Hopefully a little better…

 
I really dig the topic and lyrics. We are all heading towards our home away from home and if not us, then someone we care about.

The 'cookie cutter day' really resonated with me, and not just in the context of growing old. Some of us have experience with cookie cutter days in places that are more reserved for younger people.
 
Dusty Ol' Bones said:
I really dig the topic and lyrics. We are all heading towards our home away from home and if not us, then someone we care about.

The 'cookie cutter day' really resonated with me, and not just in the context of growing old. Some of us have experience with cookie cutter days in places that are more reserved for younger people.
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Thanks, I really like that the lyrics would resonate with someone. They mean a lot to me. My grandparents passed away in the last couple years after spending a few in a “retirement home”. And that was after years of of my grandpa often saying “I don’t ever want to be a fly catcher in a nursing home”.

I don’t obsess over the aging thing, but I visit it periodically. I have several songs loosely built around the conversation. This one was more “on the nose” though as far as lyrics are concerned.

And yes, count me in on the cookie cutter days. We all have to do what we have to do to get by financially in life. I’m just glad that a couple times per month I can work on some music. I try to write and record at least one song per month, even if I decide not to take it to completion. It keeps me sane!
 
Flyguitarfish said:
Well that’s encouraging. What practice do you recommend? Just repetition? Or something a little more organized?
Click to expand...

Get a Teacher to show you techniques - just play and play using the techniques - I like to play with bands but if it’s just you - just cut a zillion takes
- having fun with it- don’t limit yourself - it’s a more times you do it kind of thing.
Flyguitarfish said:
Honestly I’d rather practice playing drums than get into programming drums. I’m not against blending in sampled drum hits to add something that’s missing. I generally try to record the drums enough times until I get a take I’m happy with (usually around 40 takes). This time I called it good after the 3rd take because I just tore my right rotator cuff. PSA: I strongly discourage anyone from getting this injury!
Click to expand...
I rather play drums than program them - but I can program EZ Drummer and tweak it out in less time than doing tracks till I am satisfied kine of thing.
 
I second a slight boxyness ( new word) on the snare in particular. I’m not finding the singing too bad at all but do you have a bit of a cold? The ride during the spoken part stands out with a perfect amount of reverb to let it shine through, perfect!!
Nice work as per usual
 
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