note to the readers: this is all directed toward re-lapse so unless you want to read a lot of random shit you can stop right now.
Well your verses from under pressure show some improvement over the older songs. You have a pretty decent hold over ability to fit words to the beat, and you've improved since the constitutional song. You just need more practice, which is where freestyling comes into play. The more and more you do it, it becomes more natural for you to always stay on point.
Your vocal projection needs work, and that also just comes from doing more and more takes. Record your verse, delete it, record it again, walk away for 5 minutes, come back, listen to it, do it over again. You don't really need to talk loudly or yell if that isn't your style, but there's a sort of projection that comes from your diaphragm that defines good singers. If you listen to fyre's verse, he has a relatively simple rhyme style, but it sounds good because he projects himself and he is comfortable with his voice. It is very hard to explain, but you should sort of be able to feel the words coming from deep in your chest and not just out of your mouth. It adds a certain fullness to the singer/rappers voice that you aren't projecting yet.
As far as the flow goes, you are getting better at writing to the beat but now you can start developing your style more. It is true that a lot of rappers, especially ones on the radio, get away with having a very simple rhyme style. However, all the rappers that I like to listen to, such as nas, eminem, big L, big pun use multisyllabic phrases frequently in their rhymes. It is difficult to write rhymes like this and make them fit the beat and make sense, but it is really what begins to separate rappers into another echelon.
These are all separate points and would be hard to work on all of that at the same time. So just work on one thing at a time. Start out trying to project yourself, not talking loudly but talking full. The important thing is just to keep writing and keep freestyling and don't worry about fine points too much. I personally like dj premier beats for freestyling.
You're at the stage where you just need a lot of practice, and you have to think of it like a sport. If you practice wrestling every day, eventually you get to the point where taking shots and looking for angles becomes natural to you and less of a conscious effort. This is kind of like that, when you spend enough hours rapping, eventually finding a beat and then being able to write good lyrics over it becomes natural. But don't spend hours trying to perfect a single verse; write new stuff and listen to all sorts of different beats.
I'll probably finish up my first recording soon so that you can have a turn to criticize me, I don't want this to be a one-sided street. My classes are just getting the best of me this year so its been hard to try to balance everything.
lets keep writing in this thread so that peritus is inspired to upload the updated beat.
...nothing around here for jobs for college students to work around my schedules >.>