New song/idea

bad things:

1 the recording is so drenched in reverb it is very difficult to hear the lyrics and get a sense of the song as a whole. The vocals are drowned by the boominess of the guitar.

2 the "half free jam" bit isn't working for me, and it sounds in parts as if you're hunting for the melody line or the chords.

3 I think the song needs to have a more definite form. I'd forget the jam, but keep the interesting bits to make something that gives a better shape to the piece.

good things:

1 I think the song is interesting, and it is worthing spending some work on it.

2 I like the general vocal freedom. This may sound like a contradiction of what I said earlier, but isn't really - you can be just as vocally expressive with greater impact on a strong, solid sonic framework.

3 About a quarter to a third of the way in to the song (the lightning player doesn't show me a time, unfirtunately) there is a quirky chord and melodic progression that is worth developing. Possibly it arose by accident (as part of the free jam thing), but it is something that (for me, at least) attracts attention.

so . . . keep at it. Get rid of all that reverb; your voice is strong enough without needing that crutch, and the guitar will come out cleaner and crisper.

I look forward to hearing a revision!
 
Yeah, stop hiding.
Melodically it's a cross between Chris Issacs and something else.
Re reord thsi dry - both guitar & vox WITH the lyric.
Some very worthwhile ideas that need to be developed.
 
to me its fun to jam out the obvious folky chords but its all way too safe and predictable....been done to death.

I would suggest just carrying on experimenting and try to throw some curve balls in there ...mix it up a bit and hopefully get something that suprises and pleases the ear at the same time..

good luck ..
 
+1 on the verb..it dont make it sound better..

But I know where your coming from..I have a habbit of setting the vox. to low on my songs...kinda like hideing!!
 
Finally got around to working on this song again (sans all that crazy reverb:D), pretty happy with how it's comming along. I still have a lot to add, needs keys more guitar and whatever other crazy noises I decide to throw in... and a harmonica solo, definitely a harmonica solo in there some where. So here's the most current version of the song, any help you can give on songwriting or recording would be awesome. Thanks to everyone that listened and replied, very interested to hear what you think of the revisions.
-T

Salu
http://www.lightningmp3.com/live/file.php?id=14286
 
Masters Of War said:
Finally got around to working on this song again (sans all that crazy reverb:D), pretty happy with how it's comming along. I still have a lot to add, needs keys more guitar and whatever other crazy noises I decide to throw in... and a harmonica solo, definitely a harmonica solo in there some where. So here's the most current version of the song, any help you can give on songwriting or recording would be awesome. Thanks to everyone that listened and replied, very interested to hear what you think of the revisions.
-T

Salu
http://www.lightningmp3.com/live/file.php?id=14286
Click to expand...

Sounds better!!

Is it possible for you to post the lyrics?
 
Sure, it's pretty light on lyrics actually, I'm gonna add another section to the song before it's finished.

Salu, Salu
Say you saw my soul and you felt it all
But it aint, it just aint the end
Salu oh once more
Salu wont you knock on my door
Salu just turn the knob once more for me
 
Honestly, there is still a bit too much reverb on the instruments, and you have some midrange mud going on between the instruments and vocals. I think you may have some clipping as I hear some distortion when the backing vocals are coming in.
 
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I'll stay away from any mixing or recording tech thoughts, as you are in better hands there already, I think, lol.

the chords are nice, the vocals in places are very pretty. I dont know the words or anything about the song idea, but just listening to it, its pleasant enough to the ear in most places.

many songs in mny different genres, I find myself reaching for the lyrics to see what the lyrics are. Its not too disturbing for me to hear the voice used more as a harmony instrument than a vocal line. Dust in the wind a famous example.

but as the background for a song idea, it seems really good.

intermittent streams of intelligible, concise vocal lines worked amidst the existing vocal harmony backdrop, and some changeups and interspersed clear melody lines could make this thing a launching pad of a relatively "big" number.

there's a lot of hard work done right up front on this project. Anytime your clear vocals get boring, you drop back into *this* pretty vocal stuff and chord guitar. When a clear melody line starts getting stale, again you can drop back into *this*

the easy arrangement possibilities seem endless. It could have numerous little changeups and chord changes. jam endlessly to quickly work stuff out, but multitrack it at the end as it seems pretty cool.
 
Salu part 3. Re-recorded everything again very very happy with this version, it's dry as a bone, no reverb on anything. Sooooooooooooo, anybody, everybody, please take a listen let me know what ya think on recording songwriting or anything else. I really appreciate the feedback I've been getting, I took your advice sedstar and added some more keys, (best idea ever :D).

Salu
http://www.lightningmp3.com/live/file.php?id=14490
 
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well, at least while working on it, its easier without the heavy reverb. You can likely get more useful input on it now.

Its very pleassant. I like it. I am particularly fond of the 0:00 thru 0:20, nice intro. It seems to have a nice clear melody. Those picked notes amidst the strumming form a nice addition to the strumming. Perhaps as you lengthen it and work on it, you might choose to come back to that periodically.

question: what is going on from 0:50 to 0:60, its a little "jarring". Though this may be the intended idea, then forgive me. I thought it was odd or different, just curious what that patch is.
 
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I don't know what that was either, and it was a bit jarring...

I still think you should bring the vocals up more in the mix. I hope the whole song isn't this short. I can hear a bass/drum rhythm coming in and really solidifying this.

Nice work.
 
Yeah, maybe a bit too jarring. Now that I listen to it it's a build up but then it doesn't really go anywhere. I'm definitly adding more to this song, I think I need to completely rewrite this thing. I'll probably unleash a 4th version in a week or so.
 
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