New Song - ('Cause It's) All I've Done

[Porter]

Howdy,

I wrote this song a couple of nights ago.

Please note Verse 3, the second line. It doesn't have the same rhythm pattern as the other verse, however, when sung, it fits into the song. It's written as a slow soft ballad.

('Cause It's) All I've Done

Verse 1

When I look back now, at all the places I've been.
The poeple I've loved, and the things I've seen.
Memories come back, some I want to forget,
'Cause I've done it all.

Verse 2

I remember the day, when I got my first trike.
Years passed on, then I got a 2 wheeled bike.
It's memories like these, that make me smile,
'Cause I've done it all.

Verse 3

The day I met her, Oh... It changed my life.
I must have dome something good, 'cause she is my wife
One year down, many more to come,
And I've done it all.

Verse 4

My first day at school, my first pay cheque.
My first car, my first home.
My last day, this song,
'Cause I've done it all.

© Daniel Porter 2002

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Looking forward to hearing your opinions,

Porter

 

[Chris Shaeffer]

Hey Porter,

Nice work! I like the nostalgic feel you are getting going here.

A couple things stood out to me:

In the first verse you mention "some I'd like to forget"... without hearing the music and how it is sung, it leaves me hanging just a little because all of the memories you mention later are good things.

Again, depending on how its sung, the last verse seems a little trite to me. I see it working well as a build up- maybe some layered harmonies to give it emphasis or some instrumental thickening. On paper, though, that verse doesn't really seem to add as much to the song as the others.

I like how the 3rd verse goes into your marriage and is followed by another verse that is more general. It adds emphasis to the feelings you have for your wife. Nice.

Good work.

Take care,
Chris

 

[Porter]

Hey Chris,

Thanks for the response. The comment about 'some I want to forget', is the things that I regret I did in my past.

As for the arrangement of the piece... it's sounding like a final song on an album if that makes sense. First verse would be just a guitar and my voice. At the start of the second verse the drums would be introducted and possible a piano and a electric guitar playing a slide/steel guitar fashion.

As for the 3rd verse.. I'm not married yet.. that's happening in November (so it's a little fib), however we have been together for just over a year..

The initial song was written with the 2nd and 3rd verses around the other way, ie Verse 2 where 3 is and Verse 3 where 2 is. I thought I should make the song 'chronological'.

I'm going to record this soon so I'll add a link to it when it's up.

Any more feedback?

Porter

 

[Sennheiser]

Just one little item.

Verse III "'cause she is my wife." I'm not sure of the rythmn here, but the line sounds kind of clumsy.

Maybe, if it fits the rythmn and meter, "'cause she's now my wife"
might roll off the tongue a little easier.

Just my .02 worth and you know what that buys nowadays.