New Song: "Blue Winter"

D

DARKSHINE

New member
Hey all!

(I have posted this in the Mp3 Mixing Clinic as well)

Finally had time to record the vocals for this track I uploaded a week or so ago.
I also remixed most of it and fixed up the acoustic guitar parts that were out of time, rushed, etc.

www.soundclick.com/danielcartisano

It's called "Blue Winter" and I've written it for a film. (which was harder than I thought)

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Lyrics:

Sitting around a campfire
Underneath the stars
Lighting our hearts
Tonight

These feelings we have
The connection with the cool blowing trees
So cold, So right

Come lay next to me
Come on an adventure
To a place where I can sing you a song

People share so much
I melt every time our fingers touch
I'll be sitting here, staring at an angel tonight

In this winter night
We'll make it alright
So right
With a smile and a touch
I'll give you so much
Tonight
Together
In this blue winter night

Having you by my side
Having you in my life
I'll never see a world more perfect than this

One more place
One more time
This is where, we belong

In this winter night...
etc etc

(Whispered part)
In this winter night...
etc etc

Together
Forever
Tonight
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I hate the sound of my voice, I think I sound terrible.
It took me so long to do these vocals, because I was never happy with the sound of anything, so I finally had to go with something or I'd never finish it.

All feedback is welcome.
Thanks heaps!
Daniel
 
I don't think there is anything wrong with your voice at all. The song is a bit loose on structure, but overall very pleasant to the ear. A piano would really enhance it.

Nicely done.
 
I haven't had the chance to listen properly. For some reason (mainly due to dodgy broadband connection, I think), I can only listen to the first minute and a bit.

What I did hear seemed reasonably okay.

You say that you "hate your voice" and that you sound "terrible". I'm not quite as benevolent as Strat, and I will say that I have heard better singing. It does sound just a bit hazardous and insecure (a comment that is a bit rich coming from me).

However, I really like the character of your voice, and I don't think it would take much for you to develop into a robust, expressive singer. There are three things you can think about. 1 Do a lot of singing . . . heaps of practice helpes. 2 Do a lot of critical listening (to yourself and others). Figure out what you do like and what you don't like. 3 Take singing lessons. These will allow you to take control of your voice and get it to do what you want it to, instead of the other way round.

I will comment on the song more comprehensively once I successfully get to listen to the whole lot.
 
I think that your voice is like a decent hand rolled leaf cigar compared to a machine made and mass marketed filtered ciggy.
Does that make sense? Your voice has breadth and smokey tones.
That's a pretty good song. It could easily sit in a film scene.
Congrats.

Remember that we are listening very closely. Well, I listen very closely to the voice. It sounds a littl unsure at 44 secs. I think because you were unsure that the note was what you wanted at the precise moment you were singing it so it hits a little less solidly as you are thinking, 'is this the right note?' (I know that feeling ^_^)
That's okay though. It's a brief moment, and, nature itself is not perfect. Also, when you have a song that is 3 mins + you have a lot to work through ...

Voice is in it's best element at 2:54 on.

If you want to perfect it you should still do even more takes of it, until you are thoroughly sick of it. Then, when you get the feeling, do one more take.

But, it all sits well. In the end it could probably go just as it is.
That's all original, eh?
I'm gonna steal it.
jusT jiving yah. I think you had that fear that I was going to steal your song last time. hehehe.
I guess now I do see why you were sceptical. Actually, once you've posted I think there's pretty much copyright built in there ...
Well done.
Not just that, very well done.
It's a very nice tune.
Perhaps fits the film scene of denoument when the character in the movie is having some private thoughts as he/she wanders by him/herself figuring things out. Like, after the break up yet before the resolution ...?
 
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Thanks heaps for the feedback.

Strat1958: I actually wrote the song on piano, so the original original song was just piano and vocals, and there was a female vocal as well during the chorus. It had a differnet sound I must admit. But at home, I don't have a piano to record, or a lovely female voice to use at the moment :)

Gecko_zzed: Yeah I know my voice wasn't very good at all in this. I have done numerous performances and shows and my voice has always sounded fine. My girlfriend even said my voice sounded shit in this song... (she's seen most of my live work) she said "its the key your singing in, or the notes your singing are just not natural, I've heard other songs of yours and they sound amazing, but this is shit..."
hahaha shes front on, which I like. I'm going to record one of my songs soon, and yeah, hopefully you like my voice this time :) I've had singing lessons before, ages ago, but I was thinking of having some more just for some guidence.

nzausrec: You again?! get outta here! ^^ Hahaha nah nah, you always have interesting comments, so thank you. My voice is more like a cigar burnt out and sitting in an ash tray, in this recording anyway. Thanks for your comments though, they helped a lot. I may try another few vocal takes of this song, yet I'll be singing the melody in a different register, possibly the register of 2:54, as thats when I sounded comfortable in my mid range. Cheers for the feedback!

I will get another recording of this up later, but for now, I'm going to start working on another song of mine. ^^
 
DARKSHINE said:
I have done numerous performances and shows and my voice has always sounded fine. My girlfriend even said my voice sounded shit in this song... (she's seen most of my live work) she said "its the key your singing in, or the notes your singing are just not natural, I've heard other songs of yours and they sound amazing, but this is shit..."
hahaha shes front on, which I like.
Click to expand...

You are very fortunate that you have a straightforward and 'front on' girlfriend. Most friends and relatives are too kind to tell the truth.

You say you do live performances, and that your voice has always sounded fine. But both you and your girilfriend don't think all that highly of this recorded performance. This, to me, is highly understandable. In a live performance there is a whole heap of energy and adrenalin floating around, and that can lift a vocal performance from ok to damn fine. It's difficult replicating that feeling when your staring at the dumb, unsympathetic grill of a microphone.

As for burnt out cigars in an ashtray . . . that not need be a liability. Take Tom Waits and Joe Cocker for example.

I'll just say again that I haven't yet heard the song the whole way through, and I'm hoping to do that soon. But what I did hear convinced me that your voice is capable of great things!
 
Vox are fine just lacking in confidences. Do you think you are copying someone? All I would suggest is to develop chest resonance more, the breathy nasality should be one of many choices you have at your disposal, not just the only way you sing. There are moments when a richer voices comes through and I think you should explore this much more.

There is a scene in 'The Commitments' when the manger is talking to the vocalist about all the different soul and blues singers and what he should steal from them.

Sometimes knowingly, sometimes instinctively I know I sound like particular people, but not all the way through a whole song - it is a bit of a jigsaw. While you might think this is too constructed for you it is worth singing along with lots of different styles of singers to find which tones/deliveries/style suit your voice.

Frankenstein's monster was an original!

On the song - really enjoyed listening to it - I though well mix, nice arrangement (loved the cello) and appart from your less confidet vocal moments really well delivered. You have definitely got talent and a great vibe developing with your material.

If the girlfriend is upfront like that - hold onto her - the first girlfriend who told me I was shit in a performance has been my partner for over 18 years!
 
I've now heard the song the whole way through.

As a song it's great. I liked the way you arranged it before, and I like it now. There is a seamless integration of a lot of musical elements.

You've got some harmonies in there that work nicely.

The vocals are a bit shakey. Whatmysay syays thhey seem to be lacking in confidence, and I agree. There seems to be a bit of 'hunting' for the right note. Maybe you are just trying to sing it too soft and sensitively, and were you to inject a bit more energy into the delivery, it might even the whole thing out a bit.

I like the sound of your voice,and I like it for this song. A little bit more work is all that's needed. Well done!
 
Nice vox....

....no matter what you think. They sound like YOU and that's important to your style and genre. I am not fond of the guitar/vox panning in the early going of the song. I would rather hear both down the center and pan the acoustic riff back and forth. jmho, either way is good. After everything else comes in it isn't an issue. I like your mix of instruments. Nothing is overdone and the acoustic guit gives a continuity to the piece. Sweet sound and nice work.;)
 
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