New Song: "Blue Winter"

D

DARKSHINE

New member
Hey all!

Finally had time to record the vocals for this track I uploaded a week or so ago.
I also remixed most of it and fixed up the acoustic guitar parts that were out of time, rushed, etc.

www.soundclick.com/danielcartisano

It's called "Blue Winter" and I've written it for a film. (which was harder than I thought)

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Lyrics:

Sitting around a campfire
Underneath the stars
Lighting our hearts
Tonight

These feelings we have
The connection with the cool blowing trees
So cold, So right

Come lay next to me
Come on an adventure
To a place where I can sing you a song

People share so much
I melt every time our fingers touch
I'll be sitting here, staring at an angel tonight

In this winter night
We'll make it alright
So right
With a smile and a touch
I'll give you so much
Tonight
Together
In this blue winter night

Having you by my side
Having you in my life
I'll never see a world more perfect than this

One more place
One more time
This is where, we belong

In this winter night...
etc etc

(Whispered part)
In this winter night...
etc etc

Together
Forever
Tonight
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I hate the sound of my voice, I think I sound terrible.
It took me so long to do these vocals, because I was never happy with the sound of anything, so I finally had to go with something or I'd never finish it.

Anyway,
Tear it to shreds!

All feedback is welcome!!
Thanks heaps!
Daniel
 
I almost fell asleep listening to this - in a good way:) Really soothing and simple and sincere sounding. I thought the breathy vocals worked well. I know how you feel about not liking your voice - I'm the same. But then I listen to Damon Albarn and his voice isn't beautiful but it works with his songs,eh...unless you hate his stuff that is:eek:

All in all, I enjoyed listening to that - I especially liked the chorus...

As for 'tearing it to shreds' - maybe you don't have to try so hard with the vocals? Sometimes they sound a little forced and too breathy although admittedly that worked in parts.

Anyway, it was nice.

intomusic
 
Daniel, this is nice, soothing & comfortable.
The vox do sound a little forced in places - probably needs a bit of time to really get used to singing the lines & trimming them to fit.
 
Thanks for the feedback guys!!

Yeah I've gotten a few comments elsewhere on the vocals...

I'm not sure if its the key that I'm in that is making it forced or just the way I've written the song. Either way, I'm going to leave it for now, as its just a demo to show to someone, but when I re-record it, it'll be in a more comfortable key.

Thanks for the comments.
Any other feedback is appreciated :)
 
Hi Daniel - I like this song. It's mellow and pretty. I like the arrangement and the instrumentation. As far as your vocals, you have pretty good pitch. But you have a bit of a nasal and airy sound. Try rounding out your sound a bit by dropping your jaw and singing less "tight" with your words and vowel sounds. Try opening up your mouth when you sing (wider, bigger). To get a less airy sound, try to push the sound from your diaphragm more - less in your throat. I think you'll be surprised over how much more control you will have over your voice when you sing that way. Any stress you're putting on your voice and any pushing into higher registers will be improved greatly if you try these things. However, for all I know, you are choosing to have your voice sound exactly the way you want, and that's cool. But if you would like to try new things, just thought I'd give you some suggestions.

Again, I really liked the song - you are a talented guy.
 
Notes:

Pitch problems on the vocals throughout the song. Needs to be fixed pretty badly. Also, to pick up on the feel of the song, you may want to consider throwing some more reverb on the vox to kinda get a more airy sound.

I really like the cello, but it needs to be mixed in a bit better. The volume seems to spike in places, and needs to be a little bit more prominent/steady in the mix.

Delayed guitar is nice, but it seems like it's out of synch with the rest of the song the first time it makes an appearance.

When you bring in the distorted guitar, I wonder what would happen if you kicked it into stereo. I noticed it was coming only out of the right channel to allow the other elements to show up, but if you do the same f/x on a cleaner guitar and mix it all together to make a stereo image, it might give a lot of depth to it.

Good song though :)
 
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