ok man..here goes. I won't comment on the recording, although I could hack it to death. Instead I will give you a songwriting critique. Same 4 chords over and over....boring..same formula from verse to verse....boring. A distorted C Maj 7 chord....that's downright ugly man!. progression seemed to be..CMaj7-Em-A2-G. The only chance I see of this song working is to make it more interesting...so how you ask. Well man, it's in the production, as in adding some more choppy rhythm to the distorded guitar in the second verse. I liked the idea of no vocal on the last part of each verse. Maybe have the bass player play something in that spot. Also, harmonies on some of the vocal lines would be nice. Maybe the last two lines of each verse. The only release in the song is the solo bass part that leads back to the original progression. You need a B section there for about 8 measures. Basically, you try to build the song from start to finish, but make it more interesting as you go. good luck.
peace
