Intro with the guitar in the begining seems to drag making it kinda boring. You should add something early on so the ear doesn't easily get bored, maybe an/another effect, another guitar part maybe (playing long line) maybe bass, or you possibly need to cut the extra bars out.
Don't particularly like the effect you have on your vocals. Seems like the wrong kind of effect, excessive or needs some tweaking (some type of courus right?).
Timing seems kinda off sometimes (drums), did you use a click track?
Drums seem too soft during soft passages and too loud during loud passages. Dynamics need to be tamed.
Hi Hat dynamics on the left side seem off, you need to tame the dynamics.
Guitar solo is off, seems like you need to re-record and make sure you get the phrasing in your melodys correct or you need to make sure that it doesn't sound like you improvised it at the last second but really thought it out. It would help to write your solo out on paper or practice playing the part exactly like you want it before you commit to recording.
The two guitars parts need to be heard as two different parts in your recording. You need either mixing an effect, maybe you need to play it at a different register for separation?
Is there Bass in this song, can't tell?
Noticed your vocals use too much portamento (theremin anybody?) You need to tame your voice a little so it doesn't do what it wants but does what you want it to do. So that means a little more effort to sing clean even notes, avoiding sliding from note to note all the time.
Melody is fine, overall parts are fine. Basically you got timing, dynamics and performance issues. Doing the above will help the song alot.
Ernie
