New Concept / Song Demo

nickg

nickg

Lets.hit.record!
Hey guys, I've got a song I'm working on. My guitar skills lack, but I'd like input on the vocal melody, and lyrics. My voice is a little rough on this track due to being up for 30+ hours... Does this do anything for you guys? This isn't posted for mix critique, as I'm not at that point yet...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEOeh2hg6Lk

There's an HD version available on there that should be decent for listening.

Thanks in advance for any input!
 
Sometimes songs slip through the cracks.

Good song, well sung. It starts to get old after a while. The repeating pattern on the guitar doesn't feed anything new to the listener. I found myself conflicted while listening. I wanted to turn it off because nothing was new was grabbing my attention. I wanted to keep listening because the vocal performance was good. Lyrics and melody are very good.

But I know it's a work in progress. I would like to hear the finished version.

Thanks for sharing
 
I have to agree with Chili. The repetition does cause the song to get a bit stale. Even though you do change up the vocal melody (great voice by the way) sometimes, the song just seems to sit on the same emotional plateau throughout.

I think it also doesn't help that the repeated chord progression is very stock as well (i-bVII-bVI).

Specifically, the very first line of the song doesn't make sense to me.

"I never thought that I could feel this way before."
You're mixing tenses. It seems as though it should either be:

"I've never felt this way before" (or some variation) or "I never thought that I could feel this way"

I know that the line rhymes with "reborn," so I can see where the "before" fits in. It just doesn't make sense with the "never thought I could."


In general, though, the song just seems a bit too stock all around, IMHO, including the vocal melody. To me it sounds like something someone might improvise over this progression. And maybe that's the problem; it's kind of hard to come up with something original over such a tired progression, though people do do it occasionally, I suppose. It could be dressed up a bit if you changed the progression for some sections, or changed the rhythmic feel, and maybe that would help.

Don't get me wrong; it's nice and all, and your vocal performance is great. But it just sounds a bit emotionally stale to me.
 
Bit of a Stevie Wonder moment there at 1:35.

Like the clear recording on the vox you've got.

Love the pants.

Would like to hear this produced with strings, b.voxs ...
which would also give additional melodic moments during the song.

Agree can drop the 'before' of the first line. It might sound better cut off without that word as it tends to bring the melody/pitch down - like denoument.

Listening to 'Hold me Down' on your channel I think you need to now alter key and do some different changes/structures so get a different thing going. Nice voice that I'd really (selfishly) like to hear in a pop song. Ballads are good one or two out of twelve songs. IMHO
 
I can't offer much more than has already been said.

Fabulous voice

I like the variations in intensity in the vocal delivery. I like your bravery at going for the big note about 3.20, which only just got there.

But I agree that the song is long and repetitious, and by about 3 minutes, the song has told me everything it's going to say, lyrically and musically.

I expect that the relentlessness of the guitar was part of the experiment. Sometimes this works . . . and I'm a big fan of this technique . . . but at other times, it needs to be accompanied by more 'sonic colour'.

You've got a huge asset in your voice.
 
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