Need opinions....

[Buen]

Dictated by the people,
righting the wrongs done by the past,
wars raging into the future done before,
nothing to accomplish.

Fighting for what we live for,
frightning images expose the truth to brutality of life,
a dying wish, lying to the innocent.
blame taken, cover-ups written confidential,
the hate we learn to live with decides our fate
as we begin to slip and fall into darkness.

Break the day into the night
we run can't escape nowhere to go
trying to stay alive failed attempts
bring death home, time to rise up againt all odds
here we stand.

Fighting for what we live for,
frighting images expose the truth to brutality of life,
a dying wish, lying to the innocent.
blame taken, cover-ups written confidential,
the hate we learn to live with decides our fate
as we begin to slip and fall into darkness.

Nothing lives on, life comes to an end
Government knows statistics show

 

[JaQsonA1]

i didnt read everything because it was just too much, just an fyi if you want feedback do one song at a time-- because people, or i know i get overwhelmed when i see so much writing.

i did read the first one and i would say work on making this song more singable

wars raging into the future done before,

what does this mean? did you leave out a comma or something? even then i m still not sure what it means.

Fighting for what we live for,
frightning images expose the truth to brutality of life,
a dying wish, lying to the innocent.
blame taken, cover-ups written confidential,
the hate we learn to live with decides our fate
as we begin to slip and fall into darkness.

this part started out good but then you lost in all the conglomeration of words such as, "brutality of life" mixed with "dying wish, lying to the innocent" how does that fit together? "cover-ups written confidential????? i understand what you are trying to say but the way you are saying it doesnt make sense.

i just cant go any further with this, make the song more singer friendly. find a better way to talk about the corruption etc that you are explaining in the song. i take it the fighting for what we live for part is your chorus? so you have 1 short verse and a hook or bridge. i dont think you have clearly defined a point in the song. what is the purpose of this song? what are you trying to say? what do you want the listener to gather from hearing this song?
i understand that this is a draft-- so its not perfect, the things i said were only my opinion and i hope you dont get offended.

 

[Buen]

Sorry about the long...

Sorry about the long read. And yeah I see what you're getting at. They basically came from brainstorming and jotting down things that sounded right. Once I take a second look I can see what you pointed out makes sense. I really appreciate your insight! I'll be working on the first one =)....little bit of a newbie question, but is it easier to develop the music first before writing lyrics? Im getting my friends input as well now.

 

[Buen]

I went through the first one a bit and came up with this. I think it has more of a commom theme/idea and makes sense...

(Verse)
It all happens when you live life small.
Can’t grow up when we die so young,
fighting for your high-minded nation.
Things are spun horribly out of control.
They lie to the innocent,
about the frontline of a pointless battle.

(Chorus)
Plans for our demise created by the fools,
Always repeating their misguided actions.
They never come clean to their infractions.
Starting wars over nature's jewels.

(Verse)
What can a one man army do,
against an army of so many idiots.
Wasting money on fancy devices of death.
Things are spun so horribly out of control.
They bend the truth,
supporting their own campaigns of useless goals.

(Chorus)
Plans for our demise created by the fools,
Always repeating their misguided actions.
They never come clean to their infractions.
Starting wars over nature's jewels.

(Some guitar Solo or Other Interlude) - No Vocals

(Chorus)
Plans for our demise created by the fools,
Always repeating their misguided actions.
They never come clean to their infractions.
Starting wars over nature's jewels.

(Chorus)
Plans for our demise created by the fools,
Always repeating their misguided actions.
They never come clean to their infractions.
Starting wars over nature's jewels.