Near Rhymes

[Jagular]

"Candy
Is Dandy
But liquor
Is quicker"

My favorite from O.N.

Happy Valentine's Day

 

[Garry Sharp]

They tell me Heraclitus
They tell me you are dead
I just wonder who you were
And what it was you said

English schoolboys passim...

 

[bdbdbuck]

Jag,
I love that tune!








Aint nobody's business but my own.

bd

 

[Roktuk]

My 2cents. If it sounds good it doesnt matter if it rhymes or not.

Example = Pantera - Strength Beyond Strength

There is nothing. No education.
No family life to open my arms to.
You'd say that my job is today, yet gone tomorrow.
I'll be broke in a gutter.
I know the opinion. A broken record. Fuck you and your
College dream. Fact is, we're stronger than all.
You're working for perfect bodies,
perfect minds and perfect
Neighbors. But I'm helping to legalize dope on
Your pristine streets and I'm making a fortune.
You're muscle and gall. Naive at best.
I'm bone, brain and cock.
Deep down stronger than all.

A sad state of affairs. A crippled America.
A pipe dream buttfucked.
Immune. Stronger than all.

A lament for a rookie officer,
punk ass weak little lamb.
For the mob, truly, does rule at this particular time.

We've grown into a monster.
An arrogant, explosive motherfuck.
Hard as a rock. Shut like a lock.
Finally, the president in submission.
He holds out his hand on
Your television and draws back a stump.
It's too late for some.

Far too late.

No more holdbacks. No more paying a cops paycheck.
Let him bust his own child.
The son that heeds my word and smokes my dope.
The daughter that sucks me off and
snorts cheap anything.

Hail Kings. The new Kings. Stronger than all.

A simple process to legalize.
There would not be a choice but to
Take our side.
Be there no question of certain strengths. Know
This intention.
Forever stronger than all.




Reading it doesn't do it justice, to me this works so well it's scary. IMO it's much harder to find the right words, and much easier to find a rhyme.

 

[Layla Nahar]

Or false rhymes, call them what you will.

I like the symmetry of good rhymes - I mean, part of why we went into this is because we love words, right, but when the lyrics are forced so that you have a rhyme, now that's false.

So, yeah, I use half rhymes, I'd say there's nothing wrong with it. I also use a word that doesn't rhyme at all, if I need to get a certain meaning into a line and a rhyming word would sound really trite.

speaking of all this, I need to practice versifying.

 

[chrisharris]

LOL...this probably explains why I'm not a successful songwriter. Here's an example of one of mine that I actually LIKE (i.e., a rarity):

"These are the days you'll remember,
In the December of your life,
These are the times,
You'll tell 'em you had,
When you're somebody's Dad,
Now you're rolling around,
With your toys on the ground,
And Mr. Bugs Bunny seems very profound,
and these days,
They're the best days of your life."

That's about as structured as your basic Chinese fire drill. It'll never fly.

 

[Jagular]

"These are the days you'll remember,
In the December of your life,
These are the times,
You'll tell 'em you had,
When you're somebody's Dad,
Now you're rolling around,
With your toys on the ground,
And Mr. Bugs Bunny seems very profound,
and these days,
They're the best days of your life."

Hmmm….seems like I may have heard those lyrics somewhere before

Try this on for size:

"These are the days you'll remember, in the December of your life, (A)
These are the times you'll tell 'em you had, (B)
When you're somebody's Dad, (B)
Now you're rolling around with your toys on the ground, (C)
And Mr. Bugs Bunny seems very profound, (C)
And these days, they're the best days of your life." (A)

It’s a bit of a stretch, but…

I didn’t fully dissect the lyrics and structure over at the clinic, but I know that it flows well and it certainly wasn’t immediately apparent (or even after the many listens this song has had) that the rhyme scheme was weak. So I would say, it’s just fine

 

[chrisharris]

"These are the days you'll remember, in the December of your life, (A)
These are the times you'll tell 'em you had, (B)
When you're somebody's Dad, (B)
Now you're rolling around with your toys on the ground, (C)
And Mr. Bugs Bunny seems very profound, (C)
And these days, they're the best days of your life." (A)

Man, you're my hero. You fixed it without changing a single word...lol. Wanna' be my full time editor?

 

[Jagular]

Man, you're my hero. You fixed it without changing a single word...lol. Wanna' be my full time editor?

You write too many songs. I would need full time pay for that gig

Hmmmm....