My Guitar Sings Through the Night

  • Thread starter Thread starter demensia
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demensia

demensia

www.lukemacneil.com
Is this good? I've been reading a book on songwriting and trying some of its suggestions.. like listening to baroque music while writing... Does this look like a usable song? Is there anything wrong or that I could change to make it better?

Thanks!

My Guitar Sings Through the Night.

My eyes won’t rest tonight.
There’s too much in my head
I lay upon the pillow
But I can’t stay in bed.

From my shoe I pull a pebble
And grab my old guitar
I know that it’s cold outside
But I wont be going far

I can’t stop my mind tonight
But the music comes to me
My guitar sings through the night
I need no company

The sky an open book of stars
The wind blows through my hair
Local pets run through the woods
It’s nice to get some air.

I sit myself upon the rock.
The moon shines off the lake.
I set my love upon my lap
Then I begin to play.

I can’t stop my mind tonight
But the music comes to me
My guitar sings through the night
I need no company

In the darkness I am peaceful.
This beauty fills my ears.
There’s no need for worry.
There’s no need for tears.

This is where I belong.
In this place alone.
For this moment time stands still.
I don’t want to go home.
 
Hi,

Actually....not so bad in my book....
a few opinions though.....if you don't mind.....OK?



My eyes won’t rest tonight.
maybe "mind" instead of eyes?
There’s too much in my head
I lay back down upon the pillow
But I just can’t stay herein bed.

From my shoe I pull a pebble
a pebble?? you are in bed....with your shoes on?
how's about....."I toss off the covers"...
And grab my old guitar
I know that it’s cold outside
It's dark and icy cold outside?
But I wont be going veryfar

I can’t stop my mind tonight
But the music comes to me
My guitar sings on through the night
I need no other company

The sky an open book of stars
The wind blows through my hair
Local pets run through the woods
It’s nice to get some air.
lines 3 & 4 need work.....neither are compelling or augmentive...

I sit myself upon the rock.
The moon shines off the lake.
I set my love upon my lap
Then I begin to softly play.
Play & Lake....near rhyme....but it works well man...

I can’t stop my mind tonight
But the music comes to me
My guitar sings through the night
I need no othercompany

In the darkness I am peaceful.
This beauty fills my ears.
as the music fills my ears...
There’s no need for worry.
There’s no need to hurry
There’s no need for tears.
There’s no need for fear

This is where I belong.
In this place alone.
For this moment time stands still.
I don’t want to go back home.

Just some thoughts man....ya know?

Take it easy,
Joe
 
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Good writing....id may have used a different word here and there but its not a big enough difference to take your thoughts from ya.....

where i have to nitpick is the form....it keeps that constant meter (not sure if thats the word im looking for) throughout and that gets monotonous.....id change it up for at least the chorus/hook......also, while im talking about the chorus/hook, one good thing to do is to use the title as the first and last line of the chorus/hook......so i would re-write that part as

My guitar sings through the night
I need no company
can’t stop my mind tonight
But the music comes to me
My guitar sings through the night
 
Great ideas guys, I've got a melody in my head for it alread.
Good point about lines 3 and 4 joro.. those lines suck.

Whoah Gidge... Your the man.
 
Hows this?

The sky an open book of stars
The wind blows through my hair
I can feel the morning comming
But I don’t think I care.
 
My guitar sings through the night
I need no company
can’t stop my mind tonight
the music just comes to me (changed one word)
My guitar sings through the night


ok, i want half of the publishing
:p

just kidding
 
what style are you heading with this (ballad?rocker?alt?)
 
dimensia,
First read....man can I relate to this one! I just pictured myself from the start....replace lake with river...it's me.
Great work, I think between all of you workin out the kinks, I definately want to hear it when it's done.


bd
 
ok, i want half of the publishing
Click to expand...
heh... Your a funny guy.



what style are you heading with this (ballad?rocker?alt?)
Click to expand...
This will probably be more of a 3 chord folkish song... thats the only way I hear it.


First read....man can I relate to this one! I just pictured myself from the start....replace lake with river...it's me.
Click to expand...
Cool! Thats what I was shooting for.
 
I think you have a good idea going there. In a first read through, it comes across a little disjointed to me. No cohesive story line. It seems more like bits here and peices there. You have had some good feedback already, most importantly, emphasizing the hook more in the song. Can't wait to hear a tweaked & finished version.

Oh yeah...if it ain't baroque, don't fix it :p :D

(sorry someone had to do it) :D
 
what Jagular said about the cohesive story line is true.....

to combat that, sit down with a pen and write out a few lines or paragraph of what idea you are trying to convey with the song......what do you wanna express.....it doesnt have to be in any form, just write.....

then go back to the lyrics you wrote and make sure every single line helps you establish what you are trying to express....if the line doesnt support the idea, get rid of it.....




MIKE
 
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