my best so far, please let me know

[kylosius]

this is a song i wrote about 2 weeks ago called "down in a.c." if you're not from south jersey, AC stands for Atlantic City. let me know what you think. there's a few obscure personal references in this. i hope the lyrics aren't offensive to anyone.

it's last call an old drunk sings
Suzy hears her cell phone ring
Shane then heads into the pub
Two fags on the corner kiss and hug
Down in AC

Grandma wins the lottery
Jake get's assault and battery
The mobsters they keep on talking tough
Billy's parents are treating him rough
Down in AC

Jose shoots at Tony's car
But Tony's drinking in the bar
Stanfa witnesses this mess
and lays Jose down to rest
down in AC

A drag queen in a party dress
The hookers on Pacific are charging less
Shelly's going out on her date
She's 14 and he's 38
down in AC

The blacks they're all out again
Looking for a fight with the skins
the punks are out on the streets
keeping away from the hip hop beats
down in AC

Down in the pub the lights grow dim
The air is feeling very thin
The band sings of Irish pride
Bonnie dances away the night
Down in AC

The sun starts to come up
the bars let out all the drunks
everyone with a fucked up head
puts themselves into bed
down in AC

the city never felt so alive that night
from the richest to the poorest dives
the smell of salt is in the air
everyone goes on without a care
down in ac

if you want to hear it go to www.nowhereradio.com/emopunker/singles it's called down in AC.

 

[nickjc]

hey,

I listened to this a bit earlier - this is the first time i seen the lyrics written down tho. Like has been said before, the song has great potential (the recording not so much, but hey, we can't all have high grade studios - god knows I don't).

I like the storytelling, reminds me of the clash, which I think has been said, and lyrically of Springsteen, which I think you said inspired it. one suggestion I'd make would be in the first verse, th last two lines could be swithced around, as in:

2 fags on the corner kiss and hug
Shane turns nd walks int the pub

or somehting like that. just an idea. take it or leave it.

 

[nickjc]

jeez sorry my typings terrible, but you get the idea

 

[lala]

The only thing I would add to the lyrics is some kind of joining part. I realize the repeated "down in a.c." is meant to be this part, but I think it may be stronger as a lyric if it had more of a connecting part. (this is only my opinion of course). Without a more in depth connector "chorus" part, the lyric itself is still strong. Also, I like how the music sets the mood of the lyric. Listening to the music alone, still instills in the listener the same sense that the lyrics bring. Putting the two together makes this feeling, this mood, stronger. Good Job. I would work on the range of the vocals a little bit. keep up the nice work. ~la

 

[Smile]

Hi... I'm new to the forum... and I am just giving a lyrical critique so to speak..so take or chuck as always...

First thing I would note..is that this basically describes a night in any city at any given time...nothing here is exclusively Atlantic city. I agree you need something added to the hook to make it stronger....something to relate it to just Atlantic city. for instance..Las vega..gambling... thats the first thing you think of.
there are alot of different things happening in this song..IMHO..I would take one or 2 story's and indulge in them..connect them..as something that could only happen in AC. this is just IMHO..Good luck with the song

The sun starts to come up
the bars let out all the drunks
everyone with a fucked up head
puts themselves into bed
down in AC

( Don't bars close at like 2 am there? I am in canada..and thats the time they close here no matter what day...and at that time..the sun is still sleeping...)

Smile.

 

[kylosius]

yeah, a few lines are gonna be switched around. i haven't been in jersey since i moved a few years ago, but there were nights when my parents would go out drinking and gambling until about 5 am (this wasn't a constant thing, only once in awhile)

 

[kylosius]

oh yeah, sorry about the cross posting, i just wanted two different types of reviews on this song, one for the mix and one for the songwriting, i hope i didn't piss anyone off.