Magnum Opus

[joemintz]

I'm almost done with my latest goal: a strings and vocals song. Lots of strings. Orchestration style of George Martin imitated, albeit badly. Care to critique? It's called "Yay" so far. The melody will be vocals one day, but midi vocals are too terrible to subject anyone to.

I haven't even started doing the dynamics for the score, so if you think they're nonexistent you're right, but someday they won't be.

Yay

Trains wreck sunsets;
Lovably, they carry me to
Progress—arrows mourning time

(We’re lucky)

Branches bury
Prison bars and petal drops
That frame the Technicolor sky

(Well, who knows what’s right?)

I’m so sorry that I couldn’t buy you
A private lunar lullaby

Ocean tides and solar sighs
That push and pull our lives
To side with black or white

(Because of)

Harmony, just interference
Waves of lovely shadows
Circling round the sun

(It’s lonely, so leave it alone)

I’m so sorry that I couldn’t buy you
A private lunar lullaby

(Not today)

And I’ve really lost my way
Where I’m at is hard to say
God, I wish that I could stay longer

I’m so sorry that I couldn’t buy you
A private lunar lullaby

(Not today)

And I’ve really lost my way
Where I’m at is hard to say
God, I wish that I could stay

 

[Garry Sharp]

Seems panned heavily left, and there were a couple of glitches, volume jumps in particular. Apart from that....

It's great to hear you doing this sort of thing, slightly difficult to comment in the absence of the vocals, just listening to a backing track. But it's nicely done, the absence as you say of dynamics is something you really need to look at carefully. Beyond that, you really need to think about phrasing. Everything is bang on the beat and there is not a hint of syncopation anywhere, makes it very lifeless. It also feels heavily quantised, and most un-human.

So, needs a lot more life, but an interesting project, well done

Garry