Lyric 4 Comment

[Whatmysay]

It is amazing where an encounter at the counter of Starbucks can take you

I need your love

1.
Leave with me, don’t waste your life
With alpha males and trophy wives
And the lies they weave
Lets use my soul for rocket fuel
And fly our rocket to the moon
Where the air is free

Ch
I need your love (r.)

2
Your goddess smile, your silhouette
Every cell’s double helix
I must embrace
Lets steal a car, ram raid time
Find a world this world won’t find
A safer place

Ch

Mid-8
We were lovers in an ancient time
I read the echoes in your eyes
I want to feel the memory on your skin
Wake the past life inside (you)

3
Lets buy a shop on Saturn’s rings
And sell to tourist sparkly things
And just forget
How we ate hearts and scorched the earth
Of everything of any worth
To be one flesh

Ch

 

[Somnium7]

I'm liking it.

Find a world this world won’t find
A safer place

Really good line here but not so sure on the safer place part. Maybe, a hidden place...??? a distant place...??

The whole ancient time idea is nice

I want to feel the memory on your skin
Wake the past life inside (you)

Perhaps, wake our past lives within...?
And this:

Lets buy a shop on Saturn’s rings
And sell to tourist sparkly things
And just forget
How we ate hearts and scorched the earth

Please expand on this, there is alot of potential here. Plus I do love grim imagery

Good work so far!

 

[Freddy]

I really must go to Starbucks more often

I echo the above. Not sure about the "double helix" line.. it didn't seem to fit (but may do).

 

[Freudian Slip]

It is amazing where an encounter at the counter of Starbucks can take you


Lets use my soul for rocket fuel
And fly our rocket to the moon
Where the air is free

might try

lets use our souls for rocket fuel
and fly our spaceship/starship to the moon

I'd personally use a word besides "air" in the last line
not that all lyrics have to be realistic, just not so blatently unrealistic.
a word like love, life, living's, our minds are, time.

good luck with it.
F.S.

 

[small]

I agree with slip about the "air is free" line. Can't read it without thinking of a rude jewish joke. Theme is good. Digging the time travel sci-fi lovesong stuff. More praise for coffee.
-small