Lullaby (draft track)

[Phrasemaker]

Hi, This is my latest track. I'm interested in any feedback but I must state that I will be replacing the vocal track as I never intended singing on any of my compositions but have decided to learn and work at it. I get asked which genre I work with and to be honest I find it hard to answer that question, as I get the ideas and work with what sounds appropriate for mood I'm after.

The lyrics are simple with attention given to the sparse wording of verses to hopefully encourage interpretation which is in keeping with the overall tone of the track. The musical structure is deliberately bordering on awkward, approaching discordant in respect of vocal melody and some notes used with some instruments to covey my intended, odd feel to the way the melodic content works. It's meant to be slightly dark and almost desperation to deliver the consuming nature of the lyrics.

I'm aiming for twelve tracks to put an album together, of which this is probably the fifth track I have with a view of inclusion. I'm not going to heavily polish anything until I get see how my track selection will gel as whole article consisting my dozen attempts at being musically entertaining. I do however want to be able to consider the ideas of more experienced folk in respect of home recording, composition and anything else which is offered before I bank each of my tracks for subsequent reworking once I have my keepers. I'm not sure if that's good measured approach, but I can see advantages in working that way, as I need my tracks to all be dynamically compatible, I appreciate all input and can embrace honest criticism.

These are the lyrics and soundcloud upload beneath.

Many thanks

Tim


Lullaby

Night has come

And I alone, this time will wait for you

Oh, your eyes they smoulder

I’m not afraid of anything you do

chorus

It’s a lullaby of mine

Close your eyes and I’ll make it rhyme

To help you sleep, until the morning-

Breaks out of the dawn for you.


Yes I am older

But young enough to get there when you do

Please, do come closer

It seems the light has some desire for you

chorus,instrumental,chorus repeat

It’s a lullaby of mine

Close your eyes and I’ll make it rhyme

To help you sleep, until the morning-

Breaks out of the dawn for you.


Dry, your tears

I’ll not depart unless you ask me to

Rest, while I hold you

 

[rayc]

Tim the embedded doesn't work & the link below it that goes to scloud works but the track doesn't play. I listened to the -lulaby- track in the stack at the bottom right but won't comment at this stage in case it isn't the same as The Lullaby.
Hope you can fix it.

 

[Phrasemaker]

Cheers Ray, yes all fixed the new upload I just put on the cloud has - a dash, the original ~ the curly thing at each and. The link here is the one I want to discuss lol. It was actually my own fault, I forgot that the html 5 widget wont load if embedded here. I just spent two hours typing the code manually many times and trying to post it, almost took a pick axe to my pc until I had a light-bulb moment, I'm not famous for having a lot of patience.

all the best

Tim

 

[rayc]

Tim,
It's working properly now.
Is there an effect on the vocal? I ask because certain parts of the vocal seem to move a little left in my headphones.
The 1st syllables of the chorus need something they seem a little naked, perhaps a little nasal - perhaps a bit of bvox or some harmony effect? Otherwise maybe a little more power in them would do.

What are you using on for the tone of the lead solo?

Another dark star.

 

[Phrasemaker]

Thanks Ray, as always your input is greatly appreciated. Yes, the vocal is awful. I had a couple of minor hardware issues which are now resolved. I initially used a quite wide stereo pan for the vocal and then changed it after but the take was a bit wet and I think maybe other insert effects are randomly grabbing onto reverb and so on, making it pan here and there. That vocal will be toast so no big worry there.

The guitar tone was a bit random, I played through a valve amp using the DI out, very over-driven with some chorus and delay. I did the guitar late in the evening in a effort to take out the frustration of hardware not behaving and the vocal not up to the job. I've had no time as work has been too much this week. I literally grabbed the guitar while snarling at the equipment to try and get a solo in the relevant slot, to at least see how everything slotted in, that guitar take is literally that, although I do actually like the notation I came up with.

It's not been a good week or two, no time to play with the toys, and a busy weekend ahead, but I will get a couple of hours with the condenser mic which will immediately give me half a chance to improve the vocal tone. I'll give the bvox and harmony a go, as that sounds like a way forward and maybe get another draft added to this thread and see where we go from there.

Many thanks Ray, I'm still pondering structure but aside from your own input I only have my gut feeling that it's not too far out in that respect as is. I want to get this polished as I am quite fond of the track. I'll then have six tracks that I can polish after now having time to reflect and make notes about ideas, and Summer will be at the top of my list for reworking. I was going to wait for the dozen but I need to work on something I already know for a bit while work is being all demanding.

all the best

Tim

 

[rayc]

It's a good song and will be better with the tweaking you've outlined.
the solo works for me - I could tell it had a bit of feeling behind it.
I've had a clunker of a week work & music wise: three after hours meeting, 3 lunchtime meetings and extra yard duty and that's in a 4 day week as I had to take Thurs off with a morning migraine.
I have three songs partly done - well all bass, rhythm guitar parts & lyrics are sorted but only one has had a drummer play on it and 1 has lead guitar. I have two in my head gagging to get sketched but have been unable to get my brain in the space to do anything - I've used the excuse that 2 amps are in the repair shop but I could just as easily DI like I usually do.
All is not soo bad: I have 2 weeks hols coming up in a week. After a couple of days sleeping in I should be able to get it happening again.
I might spend the weekend getting my wofe to do harmony vocals on an almost completed thrack I didn't include in the list above - that'll get me started.
Good luck with time & gear management. Sorry about whining about my own little part of the swarm consciousness.

 

[Phrasemaker]

Thanks Ray, yes it's not good when everything else gets in the way of creativity, I've had that issue for more days than enough. Feel free to whine any time, though to be fair I see it more like chewing the breeze and conveying your thoughts. I don't have a lot of option to get really focused over the weekend but I had a play around with some more vocals in an odd kind of way, the chorus vocals certainly stand out now, that's for sure. I need a few hours getting the vocal sound right and I'll have that time next week. I'm really envious to read that you have some time away from work, I'm next off mid October which should be a great opportunity.

Good luck with the harmonies, I'm looking forward to hearing some of your work when you have some more done. I've put the latest mix of my track here, so should you feel like a good chuckle dive right in and have a listen.

All the best

Tim

 

[rayc]

Tim, I'm listening now. I quite like the direction the chorus is going in. The Bvox will need some tweaking re level & possibly panning/position in the stereo image (I had a daft thought that hard panning each vocal my be interesting & add to the story - I can't help being melodramatic) but I think the line works.
I didn't end up working on anything I'd planned to do this weekend. I did a remix of a previous track sans voal so thta my usual collaborator can rerecord them (he's concerned that he was out of tune throughout) but that's up to him to sort out now.
My amps are repaired - yay - but aren't ready for pickup yet - THAT'S frustrating!!! The Solid State one hasn't been usable for recording since the late 80's as it's been slowly developing a lot of noise. The tech says it sound really clean now. & the Marshall needed new output tubes - bummer but I've just seen the same model (1978 Superbass MkII) go on ebay with just the one bid for more than 660 quid (AUS$1100) PLUS about 60 quid postage so it is obviously worth keeping it running.
I do like the tone on your lead in this song. The track reminds me a little of a combo of Placebo & Hard Core era Pulp: dark, ominous and fun at the same time.
Here's a link to today's task. It's without vocal, features RAMI from the MP3 Clinic on drums and Ido1957, also from the Clinic, on the guitar solo.
The co-writer, Terry, did the sax & is rerecording the vocals:

 

[Phrasemaker]

Once again a big thanks Ray, I listened to the drop box track which certainly woke me up in a hurry, as I'd just been running some individual takes through on the PC with my headphones on. It's certainly a wall of sound and it took me a few plays to take in the subtleties of its sonic detail. A few parts reminded me of Midnight Oil in a good way, I'm sure once you get a little more time on the levels it'll shine, not that it doesn't already, but there are some items which don't sparkle through as well as they might and I'm not going to try and tell you how to suck eggs, but I'd certainly be happy to give you a more detailed impression of the track based upon my own listening experience.

Right, my track, I think the guitar solo has become part of the furniture and I've pulled the underlying strings out a bit more. The weekend had pluses and minuses, the positive was I managed to do another vocal with improved diction as that song stretches me with where it sits in the register. But that does make me sound a bit desperate in tone which I like in this context. I had friends over on Sunday who I don't see any where near often enough so the wife and I were cooking for a big part of the time before they arrived, my friend, his wife and two daughters. Well, I've never been slow on the uptake and as his eldest daughter can sing I got a few chorus takes done with her singing an octave over me, rather than me singing through a processor and trying to be all girly like. Now, I tried panning right out and found myself falling into the void in the middle and other issues arose by way of having to have awkard levels to get it to cut through other stuff going on in those parts of the stereo field. My compromise is panning out the two vocals to get just enough of a sense of closeness while at a distance.

Yes, I also have a sense of melodrama and think the female vocal I have on the current version compliments my awful tone which I happened to achieve after my whole days nicotine intake. I'll PM you a link to allow you to listen to the soundcloud upload as I'm not putting this version up for general consumption for a couple of reasons. I value your thoughts and would greatly appreciate it, if you get time to play the mp3 when I have it up there. I'm glad you got your amps fixed, I get kind of attached to things which I can work to get tonally what I want and appreciate that some of classic stuff is sought after. Work at the moment is my biggest obstacle, I am going to put a track together for the vocalist who is on my choruses, lyrics and music and maybe it will become an ongoing thing that I'll fit in around my own stuff. I know my track requires further fine tuning but it's not a mile off now and I'll polish it over the coming days.

All the very best

Tim

 

[rayc]

Tim,
I've responded via PM. I really like where it's going. The real fem vox are a very intersting and good development. The panning works for me.
Collaborating with a vocalist is what I mainly do - usually to the exent of me writing the track,& lyrics but not melody. Though with Terry it's usually a case of his lyrics edited by me. I'm no go at melodies - mine end up like much of Ozzie's Sabbath stuff - singing the riff.
I found that working with a female vocalist on 1 off projects and on longer term ones (having had the good fortune to do both) allowed me to go in directions I wouldn't have done - particularly in the lyrical domain.
Thanks for the link.