Looking Forward, Moving Back [Lyrics]

[esull1985]

I wrote this a few days ago and got back to it today and polished it up a little. Critiques are greatly appreciated.

Looking Forward, Moving Back

The lights of lives were fading as they spanned the sky.
I mumbled, "Don't pray for me now, don't waste your time."

The heat of hearts merging and soon dying,
nothing mattered then, we were just living to cry

We ran for days but knew not why,
we wouldn't admit it, we claimed, "we ain't running, we're on our way."

The look in your eyes was so different than mine,
you didn't realize that we were just looking forward, moving back.

(background)
Looking forward, moving back.
Looking forward, moving back.
Looking forward, moving back.
Looking forward, moving back..
Moving back.

(chorus)
Oxygen was our enemy, we could not win...
Cursed from the start despite our best faked noble intent.
Always surrounded despite hymns of hope sang by the wind..
A hand reached down crushed our every attempt.

(background)
Looking forward, moving back.
Looking forward, moving back.
Looking forward, moving back.
Looking forward, moving back..
Moving back.

We were looking forward but moving back,
to our brothers, the dirt.. storms,
distorting the view of those with set form.

We were ice cubes dropped in the coldest ocean,
but we've reached warm water, finally
we've become what we were meant to be.

Drops of me and parts of you
froze together to form something new...
soon to melt just like we did, me and you.

This is what we were always meant to be.
This is what we were always meant to be.

 

[gmiller1122]

I like some of the imagery -- could be rather powerful sung. It's hard to get a hold on who 'we' are, though. Maybe throw us more hints?

G

 

[Songwriter333]

i agree w/gmiller, great imagery- couldn't have said it better myself. It will b very interesting 2 c what type of music you'll put it to, and I think that the melody will strongly and immidiately dictate lyrical changes, as it often does, whowever minor.

my favorite line: We ran for days but knew not why,
we wouldn't admit it, we claimed, "we ain't running, we're on our way."

a line I think you'll have trouble singing in most styles of music:
Cursed from the start despite our best faked noble intent. (maybe just say the same thing a little differently???)

just my 5 cents worth, keep it up, although sad, it's cool.

 

[esull1985]

Hey thanks for the feedback.

Yeah, I'm going to attempt to polish it up soon. I don't feel like it just yet so I'm not gonna force it. And that line that you said doesn't sounds right, I agree. I'm trying to think of a different way to say it that flows better.

Thanks again, Eddie.

 

[esull1985]

Hey, I know this is the wrong forum but since the lyrics are here I figured I'd post this here. It's a little demo of this song. It's on soundclick and I know many people here don't use soundclick but it's more known. This is just me and an acoustic and I recorded it using sound recorder on my computer, lol. So don't mind the quality. It's listenable.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/9/perfectdisguisemusic.htm

There's only one song on there... it's called Movin' Back,