Agree that it's got real good recorded sounds.
Some places where I think it could be improved:
The only glaring bad thing is the C harmonica playing an E- chord over the E7. That minor third just screams. Ouch. [even when played softly...like you could hear it wasn't working when you laid it down] Do a switcheroo on the harps for that chord...or stick your tongue in the G hole when you blow!
The vocal melody is weak....there is one spot I remember when you sang the root chord note at the end of the verse phrase...you noodled down to it...it was nice. I think you lay on the -3 note, usually...and it doesn't close the melody line. And , I think it could be sung with a little more guts and passion as the song progresses....a lack of significant dynamic build in the song. It sound like you wrote the melody to the words. And that usually makes for a waek melody. My suggestion is to mute the vox....and listen to the song, while imagining a much stronger melody with larger contours and ear-catchyness...at least in some parts, like the chorus...needs contrast; then do a re-write to that melody, using different words that say the same thing. Sometimes it sounds a little awkward in the phrasing.
Acoustic: nice sound...panned where Neil likes it...IIRC. But there are some phrases and chords that are ending early while you find your fingers. The acoustic is the big thing...and, even panned and overlayed, early let-offs are easily heard. And the continuity of the foundation suffers.
One other thing lacking....the bridge...or a C-part...something that maybe works on another set of related chords...or changes key for a while...and the place where you go up to another spot in you vocal...kick it up a notch. A weak point is the predictability and continuous slow-troll. It tends to get a little boring.
I have a paper in front of me...words and arrangement and progressions in Niel's 'Old Man'. He uses a lot of variances in his progressions...has the big moments. I'm suggesting things fresh on my mind from learning this tune just this week.
For example, your progression is mostly A- G F and E7. On every other cycle, you might want to add a B7 or something for the first two beats of the E7....a very Neil-like thing to do.
Nice recording. Critique is not a put-down...just hoping to alert you to some weak points, to get you to the next level.
