Just for a little fun....how would you critique these lyrics???

A

Artist Unknown

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Now before you do....you have to imagine that you have never ever heard this song before. Pretend that I have just posted up these lyrics and I'm requesting some feedback. I'm just wondering how the worlds greatest rock song (according to VH1) stacks up on HRBBS.

Satisfaction

I can't get no satisfaction, I can't get no satisfaction
'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try
I can't get no, I can't get no

When I'm drivin' in my car, and the man come on the radio
He's tellin' me more and more about some useless information
Supposed to fire my imagination

I can't get no. Oh, no, no, no. Hey, hey, hey
That's what I say
I can't get no satisfaction, I can't get no satisfaction
'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try
I can't get no, I can't get no

When I'm watchin' my TV and a man comes on and tell me
How white my shirts can be
But, he can't be a man 'cause he doesn't smoke
The same cigarettes as me

I can't get no. Oh, no, no, no. Hey, hey, hey
That's what I say
I can't get no satisfaction, I can't get no satisfaction
'Cause I try and I try and I try and I try
I can't get no, I can't get no

When I'm ridin' round the world, and I'm doin' this and I'm signin' that
And I'm tryin' to make some girl, who tells me
Baby, better come back maybe next week
'Cause you see I'm on a losing streak
I can't get no. Oh, no, no, no. Hey, hey, hey
That's what I say. I can't get no, I can't get no
I can't get no satisfaction, no satisfaction
No satisfaction, no satisfaction


Isn't that some great stuff.....
 
Yeah it certainly is. Think how long ago that was written, as a young I can really relate to what old mick's saying, that says something about the timeless quality of those simple but very effective lyrics. What about Sympathy for the Devil or Can't always get what you want for some more Genius Stones lyrics
 
No matter what, every time I hear the line, "Can't be a man 'cause he doesn't smoke the same cigarettes as me"
I think of the Marlboro man commercials/adds....

It actually caused me to start smoking when I was a kid....
Maybe I can sue Mick.... Yeah it's his fault...
 
here's what I'd say.


How about some standardized rhyme structure?

I'm not sure you've nailed the mood yet.

You're exploring the sounds of words. That's a good start. Sounds very rhythmic.

Keep up the good work! A strong first effort! ~ 8)
 
...very hard to get a feel for them and make a decent comment without hearing the melody...post an mp3 so we can better help you with your lyric.

:)
 
Personally, I'm more used to the Devo version than the Stones version; because I like it better, especially the part where they go, "baby baby baby baby baby baby baby baby baby baby baby baby baby maybe better come back next week". A totally different sounding song, but most people would like the stones' version.

I tried reading the lyrics without thinking of the song, and parts of it seem very vague and just rambling on and don't seem to make much sense. Plus, reading the repeated words makes them seem so awkward.
 
Part of the problem is the lyrics are printed with every single utterance spelled out, which makes it impossible to seperate the lyrics from the performance.

Let's try this:

Satisfaction

I can't get no satisfaction
'Cause I try and I try
I can't get no

When I'm drivin' in my car, and the man come on the radio
He's tellin' me more and more about some useless information
Supposed to fire my imagination

Chorus

When I'm watchin' my TV and a man comes on and tell me
How white my shirts can be
But, he can't be a man 'cause he doesn't smoke
The same cigarettes as me

Chorus

When I'm ridin' round the world, and I'm doin' this and I'm signin' that
And I'm tryin' to make some girl, who tells me
Baby, better come back maybe next week
'Cause you see I'm on a losing streak

Chorus


My bottom line: this is the typical rock song scenario where the lyrics are weak and really mean nothing, and it's the energy and the performance that sell the song. There are tons of rock songs that fit this bill; too many to name.

As a lyricist, it bugs me. I want to think of a song with crappy lyrics as only half a song, but it's hard to argue with all that money. It's the same old thing: a song with great music and weak lyrics will outsell a song with great lyrics and weak music any day, especially when it's delivered with emotion.


got mojo?
www.voodoovibe.com
 
Way too much repetition. Sounds like the writer was running out of words. He shouldn't force the song, let it flow. He will have to do better than this if he expects to make in the music business. :D

<><
George
 
Too much repetetion, but great flow. Sounds natural and not contrived. When you see the performance its a world of difference though.
 
Lawrence Bulloc said:
Kind of pointless to do this actually, isn't it?
Click to expand...

I don't think so..........


here we have a simple lyric with a lot of yah yahs and hey-heys....
but.........

it has a great hook....

it tells a story...it gets a message...a feeling across...

also,...it's a fine example of how a band can drive their own songs....establish a fan base....become successful...

it's not always the song that propels the artist(s) to fame and fortune...
it's also the hard work in playing out.....touring....getting it out to the people....making the sacrifices...sticking it out....
and at the time...they were young....spirited...controversial...

the whole package...

not a Wildcard........:eek: :D :eek:
 
Crit Lyrics.

There is absolutely no point in reviewing or analysing these lyrics.
They were written as nothing but fun, in a time when it really didn't matter much anyway.
Hey ...this tune made 'em all miillionaires !!!
 
I remember when it came out. It killed. You could not help but turn it up. Made lots of guys buy guitars. Scan some Dylan lyrics. They don't always work that way either. Songs aren't poetry, for the most part, in my opinion. I think it's a different thing. Get too "poetry" with the lyric and it's risky. So it's a mystery.
 
Take one great band, add a great guitar riff and a great lyrical hook ("I can't get no satisfaction" in this case) and you're going to end up with a lot of great song possibilities. The lyric may be weak in places; but, if it is catchy and fires the imagination and the music is good, we'll all be singing along just as though the words make sense to us.

The real question is how does an out-of-the-loop songwriter get the attention of the band, producer, or record company with lyrics like that? I doubt it ever happens. If you want someone else to sing your songs, you have to write great lyrics.

If you are out of the loop and your lyrics aren't far, far better than the lyrics in the loop, then you can't get no satisfaction either.

Don
 
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