First off, I'd like to thank everyone for the ideas you've put forth to me on this project.
Thank you, and I really mean it.
~ coughs ~
Thanks is a tough word for me to say.
There is more to this song, but it's still in the works.
I'm refering to the 'chorus and third verse'.
Crawdad, I feel you know where this song is headed. And your comments about the verses dying for a chours was part of the build up I was hoping to keep when I mentioned that I wanted the basic meaning left as is. I also feel that now the meaning, after I took your recommendations, has made the build up a bit stronger.
You see more than you know, I think.
I did take your advice on several, but not all of your suggestions. What I'm not planning on changing is the bridge, as it leads into the 'chorus' you mentioned. But I'm still open on suggestions from anyone.
I did make the adjustments in the second verse to be compatible with the first, the 'internal rhyme' that you brought to my attention. I completely over looked it.
I also changed the last line in the first verse as you recommended.
The structure you mention sounds good but the chorus before the second verse would be out of place, the way I'm telling the story. I believe when I finish the chorus and third verse, you'll agree with the structure and the bridge. If not, I'd like to hear more of your ideas.
V/V/B/C/V/B/C, then fading out in solo.
Now, with all that out of the way, here's the 1st and 2nd verses with the bridge in text.
As soon as my hand gets some feeling back into it I'll record a small demo so you guys can hear the melody too. That always helps.
I don't foresee any problem with the chorus and third verse at this moment, but if I do, I'll squawk loud for help.
I'd like you guys to rip this edited version to shreds if you find something amiss or have ideas. I'd like to get this much of the song down and finished before I spend time on the rest. I'm twisting the story around a bit and want it as good as I can get it.
Like I said before, I have tough hide and take each suggestion give to me and mull them around. So don't think you'll hurt my feelers.
One last thing, in verse 2, third line, it matches the first verse, but there is a slight pause after the comma. It fits with the music and the theme, as far as I can tell.
Eyes Full of Tears
(((((Tape 2 - Side A)))))
G, D6, C9, Am7, C, G, D6, Am7, C, D7sus2, D7sus4, D7 = 100 BPM
Intro.
G, D, C, Am7,
(vs. 1)
I see your eyes are full of tears.
I reach out to you,
But you turn and walk away as if to say,
We're through,
And it really doesn't matter what I do.
(vs. 2)
The bedroom door swings slowly closed,
I hear it lock,
While you sob and cry, I wonder why
You won't talk,
And the fear within my heart will not stop.
(bridge)
Am7 C9 G D
Eyes full of tears are sad to see.
Am7
Eyes full of tears are haunting me.
==================
I know everyone writes their songs differently, and questions always come up about how and where the ideas come from.
Below you'll see some of the brainstorming I did on the second verse after Crawdad's recommendations.
Just lines in no order, but trying to keep to the theme of the song in my mind.
First off I'd write down words that rhymed with what I had, or words that I felt fit the theme.
Cry, Why, lock, rock, clock, etc.
Then I'd make the sentences.
Then I'd try to fit them into place, like a puzzle. Of course I had to change a word or two, again.
It's how I do it. If only one person gains a bit of something or a new idea from this I'll be happy to of helped and contributed to your songwriting as so many people here have done for me.
-----------
The bedroom door swings slowly closed,
You begin to cry,
While I ask my self why.
While the sounds of your crying fill the room,
Fear like a tomb,,,,,,,,,,,
The room is filled with your sobbing and crying,
While the sounds of your aching and your crying.
( [change this line] And I know that it's ended all too) XXX, sample (clock).
