Is this as retched as I think it is?!!

I think the voices could use some ambience to gel more with the guitars, Sharon.
Lovely guitar playing. Some notes in the bridge sound kind of "unsure", nothing you can't fix. But a good song in any case, very nice.
 
Wretched?? Uhh no.

Voices and instruments sound good, nice keyboard sound choices and the parts all fit. Cool cymbal swell..I think you are right that the backup vocs are a bit loud at certain points. There's a note when you're singing "liiiieeeee" that kind of makes things go minor/major. I think i would have held another note there. But really just a minor nit-pick.

I'm on my third listen and "wretched" is still not coming to mind, nope.

I really like this song-it almost genre jumps with the background sounds you use even though the vocal stays the same.

Very nice.
 
very nice...id give the vocals some room reverb as they seem a little dry and out there, maybe even a little loud?? the harpsichord/guitar sound on the left sounds a sparkly, could do with some LMF gain, some volume on it during the solo part as well...its fine when its panned but loses its impact when its in the centre....apart from that its a great performance, the keys and touches of background backward guitar all add to it


the vocals are just a bit out there on there own imho, then its a win...wretched is a little far from the description
 
I'll listen tomorrow... but "retched" is as in threw up?
Look what the cat retched?
The stench was so horrid I dry retched?

'wretched' as KC & strato picked up in sad, forlorn, lost, "...abandon all hope yea who enter here"?
Some good edescriptions - can't wait to listen.
 
Oh deer! Thanks for pointing this out to me, Ray. Eye hate it when aye get my homonyms all mixed up :spank: Technically, retched (as in cat puke) and wretched (as in grab your ear plugs I think this song sucks) aren't even homonyms are they.

Great....now I'm gonna obsess over my lack of editorial sharpness, my tendency to pronounce words with a ridiculous southern accent (thanks Grandaddy & Memal), and my pitiful spelling performance of late. Yep...a new low for me occurred this past week when I misspelled my own last name...I left the "e" off of "Lowe". Hell....why not just shorten it further?!

Sincerely,

Sharon C. Lo
 
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i'm not listening on monitors, but the keyboard and guitar have a similar tonal space.

i like it a lot though. musically it's pretty great. i like how things come in and out to establish sections. i like how things stack.

you don't sound out of tune though. out of tune can either be stylistic or annoying or not there enough to annoy me. i'm guessing it's the last, since i'm not annoyed.

if you're maybe thinking you're breathy or something, like you can't put much energy into it, i could maybe hear that. you could try to capo it up and just keychange the synths. this does require doing a lot of work though...but the vocal tracks may sit in the same eq/pan-wise, and it depends on how quick you do vocals.

all in all, it's great.

one question...who's the liar? i was just wondering if God was used as a filler or purposefully used. i like the idea that liar could have a doubled use.
 
I like the song and I think the performance is spot on. Your harmonies are so tight.

I have to question the panning choices. Personally, I'd like to hear the guitar more balanced. To me it's mostly in the right channel when it should have a nice stereo spread across the sound stage. I think double tracking the guitar and panning each mid-left and mid-right would work better. But I'm a symmetrical person and need everything in balance. Maybe others aren't as neurotic as I am. :rolleyes:

I'm wondering if the lead vocal could have a little more low end dialed in. At times it seems to be excessively mid-range-ish.

Man, you just keep posting these great songs.
 
Chili said:
I like the song and I think the performance is spot on. Your harmonies are so tight.

I have to question the panning choices. Maybe others aren't as neurotic as I am. :rolleyes:
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thanks Chili...I keep waiting for the masses to fess up that they think this one stinks!! :laughings: When I listen to it, it's like fingernails on a chalkboard most of the time....but then there's something about this one that I like in a strange sort of way (maybe it's b/c I don't usually have a "creepy" vibe going on so it's fun to do something different). I'm going to email my friend who did this one and give him everyone's suggestions...I'll repost if the new improved version turns out any better.

cello_pudding said:
all in all, it's great.

one question...who's the liar? i was just wondering if God was used as a filler or purposefully used. i like the idea that liar could have a doubled use.
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Hi Puddin'...thanks for listening! (BTW, I listened to your stuff on another thread, and liked it...just still formulating my thoughts!). Becca did most of the lyrics for this one....I don't believe she was implicating the All-Mighty in that first verse but you bring up an interesting way of looking at that line. If you like it having a doubled use...then so be it!
 
Another good one Sharon, and stop being so modest.

I'm listening on headphones and was thinking about the panning about the same time I started to read Chili's comment.

I kept expecting/wanting to hear a bit of gravel from the back of your throat backed up with a bit more percussion... but my taste is more toward rock...

I think the way the song stands, a simple, confident, dry, deep string guitar riff is all the backing you want (more western than country:)).
 
Sharon,
Do you know the story about David Bowie & Nick Lowe & their name games?
David put out the LP LOW with a profile shot on the cover & maintained that status (low profile) in the mix too.
Nick, ever ready with the quick retort, put out an EP entitled BOWI maintaining that he did so because of david's carelessness with the spelling of his name!
The story may be apocryphal but I seem to remmeber reading it in a Lowe interview at the time.
Don't pay any heed to my grammar picking; I'm a professional crankypants in that respect.
 
rayc said:
The story may be apocryphal but I seem to remmeber reading it in a Lowe interview at the time. Don't pay any heed to my grammar picking; I'm a professional crankypants in that respect.
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"apocryphal"....yes, I had to look that one up Mr. Crankypants! Don't worry, you can pick on my grammar with abandoned enthusiasm, I appreciate your keen attention to detail. (Don't look now, but I spy a typo in your post! Bwaaa Haaa Haaa)
 
A far cry from wretched... damn good I would say. Just needs some minor tweaking.

Acoustic guitar is a little far to the right for me... I'd pull it back to the left some, but this is my taste... Also there are some little finger flubs, maybe retrack the finger picking. The playing is nice, don't get me wrong. It gets buried sometimes under the other instruments.

The balance is close, but everything I would say about that has been said above in some way.

The backwards guitar... I would either push it to the back, or get rid of it. It's just kind of weird. But if you dig it, leave it. It's just too up front. IMO

Vox are sweeeeeet. Love the tone. Wretched? Absolutely not. I think it's a great tune.
 
GASious Clay said:
A far cry from wretched... damn good I would say. Just needs some minor tweaking.

Acoustic guitar is a little far to the right for me... I'd pull it back to the left some, but this is my taste... Also there are some little finger flubs, maybe retrack the finger picking. The playing is nice, don't get me wrong. It gets buried sometimes under the other instruments.

The balance is close, but everything I would say about that has been said above in some way.

The backwards guitar... I would either push it to the back, or get rid of it. It's just kind of weird. But if you dig it, leave it. It's just too up front. IMO

Vox are sweeeeeet. Love the tone. Wretched? Absolutely not. I think it's a great tune.
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Hello Gassy...thanks for listening! Ah yes....my ever-present finger flubs!! :spank: Grrrr :mad: I'm thinking I'll just make that part of my trademark sound....:laughings::laughings::laughings::laughings:

Seriously, once I figure out how to do recording in my house, I can always go back and fix places where too much of my trademark sound might have been captured!

I'm still surprised that no one has expressed a serious dislike of this song. Guess I'll stop hatin' on my own music. Thanks everybody, for the encouragement!
 
sharonclowe said:
I'm still surprised that no one has expressed a serious dislike of this song.
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Well, one hopes it's a pleasant surprize.
I'm pretty useless at finding what's technically awry in peoples' songs, I tend to just react to them, do I like them or not. And I like this one. I personally can't find anything wrong with it. I wouldn't even have noticed the panning if it hadn't been mentioned because I like pretty much any panning. My excuse is that I was born in the early 60s......
I like all the tonal colours, the melody is like autumn, the harmony like a load of leaves that have fallen but not been swept up yet. It reminds me of some of the mood that Suzanne Vega captured in parts of her first three albums. And some of the instrumentation also reminds me of very early Kate Bush.
Did I say I liked it ? Well, actually, I don't. I really like it.
 
Was expecting much worse from the description.....I really enjoyed this...love the guitar playing!
 
just to be really nit-picky (overall i think your song is good)

vox are loud but not too loud, verb would help... turn the BV down a touch and play with the pan.

i feel like you could use some bass and a cool programmed drum loop after the first verse and chours of instruments and vox to pick it up more dynamically ala sneaker pimps - six underground (remix) -ish, but only after the first naked verse and chorus.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJSYzBqA9RA

chorus could use another guitar or piano layer, whole note sustained main chords or whatever to give it a pickup. also i think the vox here could be more "pushed" or aggressive to accentuate the "you lied to me" in a not so relaxed way.

the harpsicord could use some taming it's kinda bright

piano is thin and the tamborine and cymbals could also be a bit less bright and moved back a touch.

the guitar sound is cool but i agree with chili it could use some balance.

the vox are good and so are the note choices.

overall good song but lacking on energy in certain sections for me.

other than all that BS great work :D;):cool:
 
grimtraveller said:
My excuse is that I was born in the early 60s...I like all the tonal colours, the melody is like autumn, the harmony like a load of leaves that have fallen but not been swept up yet. Did I say I liked it? Well, actually, I don't. I really like it.
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Wow Grim...thanks! I'm vintage 1964, my friend who did this particular recording is of equal "maturity"...maybe that explains all the panning?! This one was fun to write with my daughter, Becca (she's doing the main vocals here). Several years ago she had written a few of these lines in a poem entitled "Calibrated Carousels" and I had always been fond of the one particular line "I dreamt the world was loving and I found it full of liars".

themdla said:
just to be really nit-picky (overall i think your song is good)

vox are loud but not too loud, verb would help... turn the BV down a touch and play with the pan.

i feel like you could use some bass and a cool programmed drum loop after the first verse and chours of instruments and vox to pick it up more dynamically ala sneaker pimps - six underground (remix) -ish, but only after the first naked verse and chorus.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJSYzBqA9RA

chorus could use another guitar or piano layer, whole note sustained main chords or whatever to give it a pickup. also i think the vox here could be more "pushed" or aggressive to accentuate the "you lied to me" in a not so relaxed way.

the harpsicord could use some taming it's kinda bright

piano is thin and the tamborine and cymbals could also be a bit less bright and moved back a touch.

the guitar sound is cool but i agree with chili it could use some balance.

the vox are good and so are the note choices.

overall good song but lacking on energy in certain sections for me.

other than all that BS great work :D;):cool:
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Hi MDLA...thanks for listening. I'm glad you found something to nit-pick!! I have sent my friend all of the suggestions so far, and I'll add yours. I know he'll be working on it sometime in the next week or so. I'm certain he will know what BV means...but I can't figure it out for the life of me!! Can you please tell me. And while I'm fessing up to what a dork I am, this is funny....when I first read your post mentioning "sneaker pimps" I thought, "Oh, that must be some kind of plug-in" :eek: I'm glad you included the link!! I checked out the song and loved it!! I will have to ask Becca if she's heard of them.

I get you about the vocals being sleepy....I wanted the song to be a little uncomfortable, but not hypnotic. My friend always amazes me with the tinkering he does to our songs, so I'll be sure to post when he's finished.

queepy said:
Was expecting much worse from the description.....I really enjoyed this...love the guitar playing!
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thanks queepy!! For such a "dark" song (lol....this is dark for me) it's interesting that I ended up with only one minor chord in the whole thing.
 
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