INDEPENDENCE DAY --give a listen and feedback??

[brettbuc]

INDEPENDENCE DAY:

Look at the sun
It fills up the sky for you
Just for you
Do you feel the rain?
It falls to the ground for you
Yea, it’s true

You are the reason why
You are the reason why
I live to see another day
I think it’s worth a try
I think its worth a try
Before you throw it away
Our independence day

Look at the seas
They rise and fall for you
Yea, just for you
Do you feel the breeze?
Blows in from the east for you
Yea, you know it’s true

Stand in the rain and stay for a while
Suffer the pain of this endless trial
Your eyes, your eyes look right through me
The waters rise, there’s no surprise you want to be free

You are the reason why
You are the reason why
I live to see another day
I think it’s worth a try
I think its worth a try
Before you throw it away
Our independence day

Stand in the rain and stay for a while
Suffer the pain of this endless trial
Your eyes, your eyes look right through me
The waters rise, there’s no surprise you want to be free

RAP:
All These years and I still got kisses for one girl
Rolling up my sleeves, break my knees when I hit the floor
Blood, sweat, and tears, all these years here can’t take no more
Wanna keep me here, keep me near, you better lock that door


Final chorus sing over: “your eyes…your smile….they teach me….you reach me…..your lips….your kiss….they keep me….believe me.”
Your eyes
You’re smile
They teach me
Yea, you reach me
Your lips
Your kiss
They keep me
Please believe me

You are the reason why
You are the reason why
I live to see another day
We need another try
We need another try
Before you throw it all away
Our independence day

 

[ido1957]

Hey brettbuc :-0 kinda funny no one commented on this tune cause it's a great piece. A little same-ish in the intro and long.... You have a great voice too! The mix needs work - too much processing on the vocals for one - they sound too processed. And I think there's a bit too much compression as it needs to open up a bit and breathe. Nice writing though, just open it up a bit and this will work really well!

 

[brettbuc]

Hey brettbuc :-0 kinda funny no one commented on this tune cause it's a great piece. A little same-ish in the intro and long.... You have a great voice too! The mix needs work - too much processing on the vocals for one - they sound too processed. And I think there's a bit too much compression as it needs to open up a bit and breathe. Nice writing though, just open it up a bit and this will work really well!

Thanks for the feedback! Yea....was beginning to think I should scrap it if nobody said anything! Vocals are a one take on $49 cheap Sure mic and crappy pre interface. Had to sell my Blue Bottle and m610 to pay rent. Crappy economy. I mainly wanted to see feedback to judge if I should spend more time on this. I have a friend who has a pro studio that I can sing and do guitar parts to sound professional, but don't want to ask him unless I get strong impression from others that it is on the right track. Otherwise I'll just scrap.

 

[brettbuc]

By the way, "Independenve day" = we were married on the 4th of july. For those of you reading this in England......nevermind ;-p

Also, the verses are my sarcastic way of saying that she's not perfect either and that the world doesn't exist for her.

The "Rap" (a first for me....so let me know if it's lame) is the expression of the frustration I felt when she recently told me she's not committed to our marriage, which is what prompted the writing of this song.

FYI for those who would like to give feedback on the lyrics too. Thanks!

Brett

 

[JimmyS1969]

Yeah man, great tune. I'd like to hear the bass line drive the song a bit more. I think the doubler on the vocals is just a touch over the top. I myself, would take it off during the verses. Seems to make them sound impersonal.

Other than that, I'd throw this tune on my ipod. If I owned one.