In My Heart

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ido1957

ido1957

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Here's a new song I just finished last night. It a rough mix just to get the idea on tape. I'll record a more polished version with my Mike (mjhamil) at a later time. It was my first time writing on a keyboard which was a fairly cool experience....(still guitar oriented recording though).

I'd like to get your feedback on the song please - any and all comments are appreciated.

It's called In My Heart and is the first song at the top of the page at the link below:

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=395006

Lyrics below:

In My Heart © G. Steele

Want to tell you how you make me weak
Every time you look my way
Got to find a reason just to talk, to you
Can’t take the chance that you might, slip away

But I can’t tell you, how I feel for you
Until I know you feel the same, for me
We might go on, and never know, the truth
That’s not the way our love is, supposed to be

In my heart girl, I’m in love with you
In my heart girl, yes I know it’s true
Tried to tell you but it’s hard to do
Cause if you don’t love me…
You’re gonna break my heart in two

I’ve been working for a long, long time
When I get too close you move away
Trying hard, just to make, you mine
Tell me what to do tell me, what to say

All the secrets that we keep inside
Keep our dreams from coming true
We’re holding back, taking time, away
From a life of love for, me and you

In my heart girl, I’m in love with you
In my heart girl, yes I know it’s true
Tried to tell you but it’s hard to do
Cause if you don’t love me…
You’re gonna break my heart in two

Break
Chorus
Verse 1
Chorus/Chorus/End

:D :) :D :)
 
Suh-weeet!

Nice. The intro is too long but I know that you'll change that when you record for good. Great tune. ;) Looking forward to the final cut.
 
Thanks up-fiddler I appreciate your taking the time to listen and comment. I will trim that intro some, on the final version. BTW - Cool web page you got there.....

:) :D :) :D
 
I actually like the lengthly intro...would you consider playing the verse on an acoustic? I love your voice, its very John Martyn/Van Morrison. Great tune!
 
ido1957 said:
Here's a new song I just finished last night. It a rough mix just to get the idea on tape. I'll record a more polished version with my Mike (mjhamil) at a later time. It was my first time writing on a keyboard which was a fairly cool experience....(still guitar oriented recording though).

I'd like to get your feedback on the song please - any and all comments are appreciated.

It's called In My Heart and is the first song at the top of the page at the link below:

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=395006

Lyrics below:

In My Heart © G. Steele

Want to tell you how you make me weak
Every time you look my way
Got to find a reason just to talk, to you
Can’t take the chance that you might, slip away

But I can’t tell you, how I feel for you
Until I know you feel the same, for me
We might go on, and never know, the truth
That’s not the way our love is, supposed to be

In my heart girl, I’m in love with you
In my heart girl, yes I know it’s true
Tried to tell you but it’s hard to do
Cause if you don’t love me…
You’re gonna break my heart in two

I’ve been working for a long, long time
When I get too close you move away
Trying hard, just to make, you mine
Tell me what to do tell me, what to say

All the secrets that we keep inside
Keep our dreams from coming true
We’re holding back, taking time, away
From a life of love for, me and you

In my heart girl, I’m in love with you
In my heart girl, yes I know it’s true
Tried to tell you but it’s hard to do
Cause if you don’t love me…
You’re gonna break my heart in two

Break
Chorus
Verse 1
Chorus/Chorus/End

:D :) :D :)
Click to expand...

very well done Ido. it's one of my favourites by you. i'm going to add it to my playlist. most excellent song. :) it deserves to be on the radio if you can manage it :)
 
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TelePaul said:
I actually like the lengthly intro...would you consider playing the verse on an acoustic? I love your voice, its very John Martyn/Van Morrison. Great tune!
Click to expand...
Thanks TelePaul - I don't own an acoustic but I could try and borrow one. Do you think acoustic on just the verse? Or chorus also. I'm no fingerpicker - just a strummer...Now Rick Shepherd he can fingerpick! http://www.homerecording.com/bbs/showpost.php?p=2284358&postcount=1
I checked out John Martyn's webpage - I've never heard of him before. I listened to "Smiling Stranger" and it's excellent - what a nice groove he has and cool licks...Thanks Again!

:) :D :) :D
 
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Nicole_Rose said:
very well done Ido. it's one of my favourites by you. i'm going to add it to my playlist. most excellent song. :) it deserves to be on the radio if you can manage it :)
Click to expand...
Thanks Nicole Rose for taking the time to listen and post such kind words. I'm really glad you like it. Maybe some day I'll have a radio tune, you never know - it would be nice....

:) :D :) :D
 
ido1957 said:
Thanks Nicole Rose for taking the time to listen and post such kind words. I'm really glad you like it. Maybe some day I'll have a radio tune, you never know - it would be nice....

:) :D :) :D
Click to expand...

wouldn't it though? i've got a couple of songs i think are good enough to be played on the radio, but i've yet to record them properly and i'd want someone else to perform them anyway. i'm more of a writer than a performer.

but i definately think your song is good enough for that. it's as good as most stuff on the radio now and better than a lot of it. again, well done.
 
ido1957 said:
Thanks TelePaul - I don't own an acoustic but I could try and borrow one. Do you think acoustic on just the verse? Or chorus also. I'm no fingerpicker - just a strummer...Now Rick Shepherd he can fingerpick! http://www.homerecording.com/bbs/showpost.php?p=2284358&postcount=1
I checked out John Martyn's webpage - I've never heard of him before. I listened to "Smiling Stranger" and it's excellent - what a nice groove he has and cool licks...Thanks Again!

:) :D :) :D
Click to expand...

I love that electric on the intro but I think the acoustic would kinda create some contrast, with a nice warm sound...I'm very new to this, but yeah, thats how I'd go about things, I like to use tonal shifts to bring out sections of a song, shifting from an electric intro to a strummy verse, then I bring in a bass, drums, electric and acoustic for a chorus. That's just my generic formula! But yeah, I think the John Martyn thing is mainly down to the voice. He really is great, very innovative guitarist too! I really liked your other tunes too! Whattya record with?
 
Hey Gerry...very nice song.

The lyrics are real and full of your heart. You named it appropriately. :D

The tune is smooth.

It is a wonderful way to tell someone how you feel. I am sure it shall be a treasure to her.

Great songwriting and performance !!

True :)
 
TelePaul said:
I love that electric on the intro but I think the acoustic would kinda create some contrast, with a nice warm sound...I'm very new to this, but yeah, thats how I'd go about things, I like to use tonal shifts to bring out sections of a song, shifting from an electric intro to a strummy verse, then I bring in a bass, drums, electric and acoustic for a chorus. That's just my generic formula! But yeah, I think the John Martyn thing is mainly down to the voice. He really is great, very innovative guitarist too! I really liked your other tunes too! Whattya record with?
Click to expand...

Good ideas for arrangements - you'd make a good producer with those creative ideas!

This tune and the others on the link in my first post (G and M) are recorded on my basement setup:
Vocals - NTK
Guitar - Kramer Pacer -> GP8->Marshall JCM900
Keyboards/Bass and drums -> Yamaha DGX-305 (this is the first tune I recorded with it)
Alesis Mixer to Tascam 424MKIII for scratch tracks like this.
For the finished stuff, I track to my ADAT LX20 then mixdown back through the Alesis. The other tunes use real bass from Mjhamil.
Downmix through Alesis to USB converter to computer (stereo).
Rack stuff - PCM80 and Triple C Compressor.

For the tunes in my signature link (Hamilton Steele) I recorded them at mjhamil's place.
He has a host of different equipment that I use (just bring my guitar)
Vocals - SM58
Guitar - Kramer ->Mesa Boogie FG30 or FG50 ?
Drums - Lee on Yamaha's and Pearls (2 different kits)
Bass- Ricky into Fender 400/Ampeg Cab.
Track to ADAT Blackface (now XT20) then mixdown through Alesis board.
Rack - ART Eq, DBX Comp, Roland SE50 effects.
 
true-eurt said:
Hey Gerry...very nice song.
The lyrics are real and full of your heart. You named it appropriately. :D
The tune is smooth.
It is a wonderful way to tell someone how you feel. I am sure it shall be a treasure to her.
Great songwriting and performance !!
True :)
Click to expand...
Hi True - thanks for the kind words...I'm glad you liked it... This is my first attempt at using my new keyboard (a gift from my wonderful sister). It has a lot of cool sounds/beats that are quite inspiring when I need something to go with my lyrics. Thanks Again!

:) :D :) :D
 
ido1957 said:
Here's a new song I just finished last night. It a rough mix just to get the idea on tape. I'll record a more polished version with my Mike (mjhamil) at a later time. It was my first time writing on a keyboard which was a fairly cool experience....(still guitar oriented recording though).

I'd like to get your feedback on the song please - any and all comments are appreciated.

It's called In My Heart and is the first song at the top of the page at the link below:

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=395006

Lyrics below:

In My Heart © G. Steele

Want to tell you how you make me weak
Every time you look my way
Got to find a reason just to talk, to you
Can’t take the chance that you might, slip away

But I can’t tell you, how I feel for you
Until I know you feel the same, for me
We might go on, and never know, the truth
That’s not the way our love is, supposed to be

In my heart girl, I’m in love with you
In my heart girl, yes I know it’s true
Tried to tell you but it’s hard to do
Cause if you don’t love me…
You’re gonna break my heart in two

I’ve been working for a long, long time
When I get too close you move away
Trying hard, just to make, you mine
Tell me what to do tell me, what to say

All the secrets that we keep inside
Keep our dreams from coming true
We’re holding back, taking time, away
From a life of love for, me and you

In my heart girl, I’m in love with you
In my heart girl, yes I know it’s true
Tried to tell you but it’s hard to do
Cause if you don’t love me…
You’re gonna break my heart in two

Break
Chorus
Verse 1
Chorus/Chorus/End

:D :) :D :)
Click to expand...

Heard all I needed to hear. FABULOUS song!
 
This song reflects a general theme of unrequited love . . . I like you and I think you like me but I'm nervous about saying anything in case I'm wrong and I don't want to blow the little chance I have . . .

It's not a rare theme, and I daresay your creation is no worse than others out there. There are some things that you might like to consider to elevate the potential of the song.

For example: "you make me weak" is an often used phrase, but not so often as "you're gonna break my heart in two". Likewise with "I can't tell you how I feel for you".

I would suggest going through your lyrics with a big fat red pen and underline everything you've heard before, then try and come up with other ways of capturing the same idea.

I'm sorry to say that I haven't listened to the song (downloads take too long), and hearing it may alter my perspective . . . others have been saying complimentary things about it.
 
as a matter of interest . . .

As I was having a look at "In my heart", it brought to mind a song I'd written some years ago on the same theme. I make no claims to it being a great song, but it does convey some sense of what I was getting at in my comments on "In my heart", particularly in finding other ways of saying what has been said in so many ways before:

"look up"

verse 1
wet glass circles intersect,
tearing labels into shreds,
spinning bottle like a top,
frustration's what you got, you said

verse 2
my silent thought said that's not so,
not in the way that you'd expect,
but you will never get to know,
and so there's nothing to regret

chorus
i'm too scared to raise my eyes up,
i'm afraid what you will see,
i'm too scared to raise my eyes up,
there's so much i cannot see

verse 3
i don't know what brings you here,
i don't know what makes you come,
five coins you spin to make a line,
as solid as a wall of stone

bridge
i live within a time
that's twisted out of line
with the world i know,
these blurring nights and days
have shifted out of phase
of the world i know

chorus
i'm too scared to raise my eyes up,
i'm afraid what you will see,
i'm too scared to raise my eyes up,
there's too much i cannot see

verse 4
the boundary is a tiny gap
no wider than a fingertip
and though i'd bridge it in a breath
i hold myself back from that leap
 
gecko zzed

gecko zzed - thanks for taking the time to review my lyrics. Good points in your post - I will keep them in mind when writing and revising. Your lyrics for "Look Up" are very good - thanks for sharing!

:) :D :) :D
 
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