If Heaven were my canvas...

[Smile]

acoustic demo and vocals first draft..on some of my lyrics.
thought to share with you all.
Music and vocals done by a good friend of mine Brian Hazelbower.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/smile2004music.htm

If Heaven were my Canvas
© 2004 Sharon Mark & Brian Hazelbower

If heaven were my canvas
And it held all my paint
I'd create a sky of splendor that
No one could ever taint
The sun a burning ember
Reflected on the moon
The moon becomes a mirror
of this love for you in bloom

If heaven were my canvas
This I would paint for you
My life, my heart, my soul to see
What only God can view
And if you were my lady
I could only give you this
My life, my heart, my soul, my love
promise with a kiss


Now gather clouds above me
surrounding words I write
Encased in heavens gentleness
A heart in heavens light

Lend a peek inside my world
Revealing words not said
And as my sky unfolds to you
Hear the stars instead


If heaven were my canvas
This I would paint for you
My life, my heart, my soul to see
What only God can view
And if you were my lady
I could only give you this
My life, my heart, my soul, my love
promise with a kiss


The colors give my heart its glow
it's passion and romance
Emotion goes beyond my words
heaven at a glance


If heaven were my canvas
This I would paint for you
My life, my heart, my soul to see
What only God can view
And if you were my lady
I could only give you this
My life, my heart, my soul, my love
promise with a kiss

repeat and fade

 

[Garry Sharp]

Hmm...definitely not my genre, but a couple of thoughts. You have a fine singing voice and the guitar playing was spot on - perfect for the song. As for the song itself..

This comes from a very different tradition than the African roots that dominate most of our music. Lyrically it's pure Anglo Saxon, shades of 18th century English romanticism. It's very overblown romantically but I guess that's what you intended, like a Victorian love letter. Musically, I hope you don't mind me being frank, it's very sound, competent but that last 10% that would make it stand out is missing. I listened to it about 15 minutes ago and am struggling to remember the chorus melody.

I think that sums up how I feel about this one - you know what you're doing, you've written a very listenable song which wears its feelings on its sleeve, the performance was very good - but it's lacking that little something extra to make me want to come back to it. Possibly the addition of some more light and shade by varying the intensity of the vocals would do it.

Hope you don't mind me being honest, but it's quite clear you're good at this and it can sometimes be more helpful to get critiques than compliments

Cheers

Garry

 

[Smile]

Hello Gerry

Thank you for listening.
and no I don't mind you being Frank. as I said this is the first draft of the demo.
I will pass that on to the musician who does the singing as well for this song.
I wish I could claim that talent..but I can't, I'm just the lyricist.

18th century victorian love letter.. now that is an interesting take on it
well I'm not sure I would date it back that far for anything but mood
overblown romantically, you ain't seen nothin yet, I don't tend to write
baby baby I love you love songs. I write so my words create a mood, and
hope that the composer can pick that up.
however... I will take that as a compliment

anyway... thank you for your input... the music business is kind of like
the restraunt business..you need..and want repeat customers,
so even though they've spent the money... your product and service buys them back so to speak.

Thanks a million
Smile.