I think I finally made some decent lyrics...

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SEDstar

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Well, what with the "decembers challenge", I didnt know WHAT to do. I find it difficult to make lyrics, then music. SO... I sat here and tried to come up with some lyrics. ABout a CAR or a BIKE. *sigh* that quickly became pointless. I dont know how it happened, but I was already in "lyrics mode" trying to do THAT... when i noticed I was no longer writing about a car.

I started to get a few lines about "harry". You see, I was trying to do the "ghost song" approach. Where you take a song that exists, and use the "meter" andf rhyming places for a template to guide you...

but the little story I began making quickly spun into its own story, I ended up with this...

"The Ballad of Harry" (c) 2008
============================
Harry is a vanished man, long buried in the ground
I always do those things I can to keep his ghost around
One man took the money one man got the goods
no one fancied tax and debt
funny
Thats how I got this mansion in the woods


Harold was a lonely man, talked when no one was around
numbers and imagination Harry had a plan
he designed a big machine for casting with no sand

when he showcased his invention to the people in the town
they laughed until they cried and then they tried to tear it down
but robber barons in the factories
caught wind of what was done

Harold... your a genius! (harold your a genius now)
and a bidding soon begun. (look what youve become)

Sir Harold hadn't really changed
he still danced to a different tune
young and rich and handsome
but he was still as crazy as a loon

young ladies did not hear the music
dancing in his heart
then the market crashed...
and all around, the world just fell apart

Harry bought a lonely farm miles away from town
He paid the men to build the mansion and the girls to work the farm

No one knew how to take Harry, and the women didn't take him at all
But Harold's quiet benevolence had seen them thru the harm

then the world went back to normal and the men went back to work
and everyone abandoned him,
left him all alone

He never moved into the house, mahogany and stone
For someone quite so brilliant, took him quite a while to find
One woman that had stayed behind and taken up inside
She did not speak in English so he could not make her leave
then she fulfilled his fondest wish and made his heart believe

Sir Harold found that she would sing, over lonely notes composed
He went and bought a diamond ring, And with a symphony proposed

Harry for the first time, had all he once desired
A pot of gold, a pretty wife, and time was on his side
He composed the music for an aria divine
The barons in the city and their ladies sang along
to the witty twisted genius and his sultry foreign bride.

Everything was wonderful, but fortune's often cruel
A cop inside the village now, was jealous of her too.
He did not get the time of day, and he began to plan
A diabolic way to do away with Harry's Anne.

late at night in winter on the twisted mountain roads
He waited in the darkness and the snow for her to pass
He blinded her with lights and then she crashed to far below
Alone down in the valley from a place she could not climb
With broken bones In foreign tongue and blood she penned a clue...

The cop played out a hero... only Harry knew the lie

Harry pointed out that from the road you could not see
Where Anne's DeVille had landed, no fire and no debris
Harry was eccentric, this was something they all knew
Then harry shocked them once again and tore the man in two.

They hunted him, locked him up, threw away the key
But when you read the note in English, its was pretty plain to see

Now I live on Haunted Hill, Mahogany and stone
I wanted peace and quiet, but I'm sure I'm not alone
Harry whispers notes to me, I play them what I can
and Anne sings in a language I alone can understand...

The people in the town are scared, they think I tell them lies
Of the crashes I hear all around but nothings ever found
thats why I compose alone, these arias I write
With haunting counter-melody of echos in the night

Now I'm the one eccentric, all alone, with music I've not made
Thats why sons, of robber barons, come to hear them played.
 
this is actually going quite well...

This is actually going quite well

uh, except for the fact I'm writing a sad ballad about a man's life, when I'm SUPPOSED to be writing about my first car

*sigh*

I used the method where you pick a key, any key... and make a simple bubble gum "vocal line". I said the words and moved those single notes around until I thought they "sort of" fit. Then, I simply did my counterpoint around that simple vocal line... was able to get thru the whole first verse, and was quite amazed at myself when I was done. Huh... I actually had a sort of "credible" piano line, and my words easily "pick out" the vocal line hidden in my counterpoint melody.

I chose C minor for the key, I work in Cminor a lot with my classical exercises, so its very familiar to my ears. Plus, its a sad ballad, so a minor key was a *must*. Went with pentatonic minor scale, so accompaniment would be easier rather then "fussing" any more than I have to on my "first time out", so to speak.

Grabbed the undermelody, threw it on a fuzzy verbed bass... that went easy. Stuck for another accompaniment instrument, I grabbed the over melody and tried all sorts of guitar sounds. Nothing worked. The guitar was either too "thin", or else it "fought" the nice piano melody I had going.

In an epiphany, I moved the guitar line up to the IV chord, it IS accompaniment after all, and really shouldnt have any focus. BANG! just lke that, its prominent, but doesnt fight the piano. The bass pokd thru rhythmically in and out of time. The words fit in better than ever now.

Huh. Oh yeah... I just wrote a whole bunch of lyrics. Way too much, but thats better than not enough. I bit the bullet, and got rid of anything that wasn't essential to telling the story completely. I'm no lyric writer, but I seem to be a half decent RE-writer, hee hee.

heres my "failing the course, but I dont really care" rewritten song lyrics. I was able to change a few remaining words and phrases around to better fit the melody line I already had. I have a "favorite chord prog" I use a lot, and I'm going to try to see if I can "impress that" to force some modulation on the various verses.

oh yeah, here's the revised lyrics...



=======================================================
Harry is a vanished man, buried in the ground
Always do those things I can to keep his ghost around
One man took the money, another got the goods
no one fancies debt and taxes
funny
How I got his mansion in the woods
=======================================================
Harold was a lonely man, he talked to no one we can see
But with numbers and imagination Harry formed a plan
he designed a big machine for casting castles in the sand
when he showcased his invention to the people in the town
they laughed until they cried and then they tried to tear it down
but robber barons in the factories
caught wind of what was done
Harold, your a genius now...look what you've become
======================================================
Sir Harold hadn't really changed, he still danced to a different tune
young and rich and handsome, but crazy as a loon
ladies did not hear the music dancing in his heart
then the market crashed...and all around, the world just fell apart
Harry bought a lonely spread miles away from town
He paid the men to build the mansion and the girls to work the farm
No one knew just how to take him, and the women didn't take him at all
But Harold's quiet benevolence had seen them thru the harm
then the world went back to normal and the men went back to work
and everyone abandoned him, left him all alone
=====================================================
He moved into the house, mahogany and stone
For someone quite so brilliant, took him quite a while to find
One woman that had stayed behind and taken up inside
She did not speak in English so he could not make her leave
and she fulfilled his fondest wish and made his heart believe
Harry found that she would sing in minor notes composed
He went and bought a diamond ring, and with a symphony proposed
Harry for the first time, had all he once desired
A pot of gold, a pretty wife, and time was on his side
He composed the music for an aria divine
The barons in the city and their ladies sang along
to the witty twisted genius and his sultry foreign bride.
========================================================
Everything was wonderful, but fortune's often cruel
A cop inside the village now, was jealous of her too.
He did not get the time of day, and he began to plan
A diabolic way to do away with Harry's Anne.
late at night in winter on the twisted mountain roads
He blinded her with lights and then she crashed to far below
Alone down in the valley from a place she could not climb
With broken bones In foreign tongue and blood she penned a clue...
The cop played out a hero's role... only Harry knew the lie
Sir Harold was eccentric, this was something they all knew
Then harry shocked them once again, and tore the man in two.
They hunted him, locked him up, threw away the key
But when you read the note in English, its was pretty plain to see
=====================================================
Now I live on Haunted Hill, Mahogany and stone
I wanted peace and quiet, but I'm sure I'm not alone
Harry whispers notes to me, I play them what I can
and Anne sings in a language only I can understand...
The people in the town are scared, they think I tell them lies
Of the crashes I hear all around but nothings ever found
thats why I compose alone, these arias I write
With haunting counter-melody, of echos in the night
Now I'm the one eccentric, all alone, with music I've not made
And thats why sons, of robber barons, come to hear them played.
=====================================================
 
Sad story - nice that you're breathing life into it.
As a written piece of poetry it's a bit clunky in parts but I'll reserve judgement until you present it as sung or at least the melody to carry it.
Keep working and posting.
 
Serendipity has struck...

...you in a good way my friend. Sometimes we go to the store to buy beer and bread and we see that ribeye steaks are on sale for a most reasonable price. We would be foolish to pass up that opportunity and go home with bread. The new road that your 'car' song has taken you down is a good one. More when I have time, Dave. (aka up-fiddler)
 
got the first 2 verses done...

Wow, this is major different than just writing instrumental music. With instrumentals, I can burst into somethign any time I feel like it, and just work it in for smoothness.

The guy who said it was clunky poetry in places, boy, were you right, LMAO

here's the first 2 verses fairly well revised. I can "talk" (as I cant really sing...lol) over it and it goes off fairly well. I imagine someone who could sing could get into it, but, I dont really know, I'm just guessing.

first 2 verses refined...

=======================================================
Harry is a vanished man he's buried in the ground
Always do the things I can to keep his ghost around
One man took his money and another got the goods
no one fancies debt and taxes
funny
Now I got his mansion in the woods
=======================================================
Harold was a crazy man, he talked to no one we can see
Numbers running thru his head, Harry formed a plan
he designed a big machine for casting castles in the sand
showcased his invention to the people in the town
first they laughed until they cried and then they tried to tear it down
but...robber barons... in the factories
got wind of what he'd done...
Harold, your a genius now, look what you've become
======================================================

I can see what you meant about "clunkiness". when I am talking it, I can just pause for like half a beat or so, to automatically get rid of the "clunkiness"... but when working music onto lyrics I cant DO that, LMAO

It puts the naturally emphasized syllables onto un-natural "feel". But, if its not too bad, simply skipping/adding/changing something "fixes it", and smooths it back out.

I must have spant an hour on ONE phrase, and couldn't see it... when I finally did, a light went on. I was like "Aha!". Now I can read it thru and pick out the troublesome spots fairly easily. (I always wondered how people looking at my lyrics who knew what they were doing were DOING that, lol, now I know, hee hee)

PS - at the end of Verse 2? "but... robber barons... in the factories...got wind of what he'd done..." ("..." = dramatic pauses, lol)

BOY, what that phrase a m()therf()ck!ng B!tch to put MUSIC to (grrrrr!)

took me all of ten seconds to realize I really liked the phrase, and was going to have to temporarily scrap the metering system, and make custom chords and melody snippets for it... then drop back into the mainmetering for the final phrase. I bet another hour and a half went into just that custom musical phrasing...LMAO

with verse 2 sort of preliminarily "done", I could finally hear the "modulation" of the chord prog going to work.

Its certainly not "top ten" radio material, LMAO, but... not too shabby for my first time at the dance, so to speak.

here's the first 2 verses worth of music...


I can let the first 2 verses just play in the background... other than it being cheesy computer instruments, it sort of sounds like a "real" song to my ears... (I think...lol... someone else has to tell me for me to be sure...LMAO)
 
listen to the music and read the lyrics...sort of get a lou reed feel to the thing ...he talks over and you miss out a few of the words...people know what you mean ..you dont have to put it all in....they know.
 
I'm not sure whether this is a December Challenge song, or one that was going to be then ended up not.

I'll not comment for the moment . . . I'll await your ok.
 
NOTE: *I am officially out of the challenge*

LMAO

*I am officially out of the challenge*

Why? a couple of reasons...

1- the only thing I "pulled off" challenge wise, was to have the word "car" in it a couple times...oh, the list goes ON. The car wasn't mine... it MIGHT have been ANNE's only car, tho...

2- once I failed miserably at many specifics of the challenge, I quit going for it. I learned just from my instrumentals... I many times can't even control the GENRE of my crerations. I would sit firmly down, fully intending to make a speed metal song... I cant count the number of times the speed metal song would turn into piano... or the intended classical pice would "go rock".

I learned, the only way I could make ANYthing, was when somethign starts "happening", quit fighting it, and just GO with it. Play towards it, give in, its easier. Then the rest just "happens"

3- Heck, I started out cheating anyways, LMAO. I have tried (and always failed...lol) to write a song by "ghost song" technique. You copy a great song word by word, then re-write the lyrics, with the thyming scheme and meter as a formidable template. Chord prog are non-copyrightable, so you shamelessly RIP those, too. The only bad thing about this method? Once re-written, its dang near impossible to NOT hear the "ghost" breathing heavily in the new lyrics... LMAO... makes it hard to write a new melody.

I, uh... (blush) decided to "ghost" one of the greatest car songs written

(in my opinion, I'm not an expert, I just play one on the internet, your mileage may vary)

then, once I hit the "oh, whats the use" point, my head sagged... and I sudddenly realized even though I couldnt get lyrics to the challenge, I had finally made SOMEthing lyric wise... not great, but... I mean SOMEthing.

Scrapped the ghost song, and just brainstormed the original. I know from my writing days, Most great writers admit to being "mediocre", and one said "I am a bad writer... BUT, I might be one of the greatest RE-writers ever" (Vonnegut?)

While I was running a sharpie thru lines that were "non essential", my memory tickled a website (non ghost technique website, LMAO) that said you write down EVERYthing, then remove later what isnt essential. (works for MANY things... simple brainstorming technique)


one (*of many*...LMAO) thing that had always intrigues me about songwriting, was that meter was essential, as was rhyming. SO, I would do it perfectly... then, the young musicians said "thats not a song... thats poetry". Its weird... to be a song, you have to NOT rhyme sometimes. Your "schema" like ABABCAB rhyming pattern, should now and then just JUMP for effect. (shrugs). not ALL words that rhyme should be perfect rhymes... a FEW, not to may tho... HAVE to be "almost rhymes" words... or else its not a "song" somehow.

once you get done "brainstorming", thats it... youre DONE. after that point, a line can get changed, a word replaced... but, you cant be afraid to run a sharpie thru it... that way by default, your rhyming schema gets softly adjusted. Naturally, without being forced.

a lot of what I had READ or HEARD about songwriting (non ghost wise...LMAO) was consistently the same about 90% of it. You just can't "concur" with any of it until its hindsight.

GECKO!!! - a couple of points for you... one thing, I'm out of the challenge. *comment away!!!*. Another? the joke has been made, in real life, I should change my name to "Geckos B!tch", LMAO, sorry about that. I spend half my life going from "mentor" to "mentor"... my last one never returned when our old website went down fo an extended time, then re-appeared. Many former members went AWOL, and he was one of them. So, if you ever say "leave me alone for six months... I need a break...", I wont take offense, LMAO, I realize by age 40 not to take offense at stuff like that.

PS - I feel like I lost my virginity, LMAO, but... *sigh* years ago, I noticed "ego" in people around me (when I was a analyst... in a formr life, lol) and decided no matter what I did in my life, I would never have one. It only gets in the way. I know the song isnt GREAT, its merely "passable". Its just my FIRST one, so I am so excited I could just PEE my pants.

(maybe you can look back and remember your first *anything* and re-feel the exhuberance of it again, eh? lol)

PPS - if you tell me its god awful, I can dig that. I would be happy to just write 10 second jingles for toothpaste commercials. Ynqwie Malmsteen better PRAY I never meet him in an airport restroom "sans security personnel" around, LMAO. I LOVE his work, he's one of the greatest classical electric guitarists EVER, but... he's such an insufferable @$$, no one can work with him, and he cuts tantrums in public. All he needs, is a few "mat burns" on his face, and he would snap out of it, and get back to being the best.

compare "eric johnson" to malmsteen... he's the most down to earth human being EVER. It doesnt seem forced. He's patient in his videos, without seeming pedantic about it. I bet hes truly a nice person. malmsteen is a spoiled 4 year old, LMAO. Both are about equal in talent, but... *which one can no one stand* and it stalled their career?

Man, I need coffee... I got another 4 verses to go, and I'm afraid that if one of the chord changes does not work, this is like getting to the 99 yard line, and failing to get the touchdown, and this is as close as I am ever going to GET, i cant fail now. I might never tread in this direction again, and I wanna savor it while it lasts.... this is truly intoxicating.

sorry (blush) - I dont mean to "gush" like a 12 year old girl screaming and jumping around at the sight of Elvis in the supermarket... but, you "old hands" out there went thru this when your "cherry popped" too, right? eh?

...or not *shrugs* I can live with being I'm just a *&^% that needs medicated, LMAO. (this opinion HAS been opined before... lol)

even if it all don't pan out... the song I mean... "what a rush to get close enough to just SEE the sacred temple though", you know?
 
What I notice is that we have here an urban ballad in the style of medieval minstrelsy. That is a first for me.

This is an epic a tale as those the troubadours trotted around the paths from manor to castle and back, adding, subtracting and modifying as they went. it has the mystery, drama, romance and tragedy of those great ballads as well.

It is long . . . but that's what we'd expect from this style.

Were you to leave this as a poem, I would agree that the metre is clunky in places, but a song is another story.

In general*, I think the main difference between poetry and the lyrics for a song, is that the words of a poem need to convey their own rhythm, whereas the words of a song have the rhythm provided by the music. This means that metre is less critical in a song.

* This is not necessarly true of more free form and abstract poetry of course.

Rhyming patterns help tie a piece together (poetry and song), but I tend to be loose with rhymes. I'm content so long as there is a vague similarity.

You seem to be having fun with your lyrical project, so keep it going. Is there a prospect that we will get to here the result?
 
...

lol, you make me nervous when you say stuff like "this is a first for me", LMAO

*shrugs* this is what comes of not having someone teach me in a more linear fashion, lol. The ABACAB sonota format I am using for chord prog is kind of "adding" to what I'll now start calling the "troubadour effect", LMAO

is it working? eh... I let (now 3 verses, not 2...) rough musical draft play over and over again, to see how its going. bad background music, lol, but it gives me a sense for whats going on (well, sort of, lol).

In patches, it seems fine. I even detect a slight note of "coolness" here and there, but... other patches are rougher in nature, LMAO. The 5 piano tracks are the most time consuming, the rest is more "tweaking". I got 3 out of 6 rough piano tracks done now, and have 3 more to go. I'm gonna try to get those 6 done, and see where I am at.

In patches, its kinda cool, and I have definitely heard a piano in a song similar in places just when I cant remember... in other places? *urk! urp!*, LMAO

I'm gonna just concentrate on the final 3 piano tracks, to get to the point I can start just "diddling around" with it, see what I can salvage out of it.

Maybe when I am done, it could be "picked" thru for a more traditional verse-chorus arrangement... at THAT point, there will be many similar but different melodies in 3 different chords to pick thru, and numerous lines that were cool but got edited out.

Its gonna take a lot of work just to see if it can be salvaged, but... *better than having nothing to work with* which was what I had up till now, LMAO

*shrugs*

when I get the piano tracks all done, I can get a better idea of whats going on, I think. Kinda like I wanna just GET the wood cut down and stanked in the back yard, I'll worry about how and where I am gonna stack it later, LMAO

maybe this was too original/long a piece for a newbie to tackle for the first time out, LMAO. But I know enough about life to know that sometimes its better NOT to know what can't be done, LMAO.

Or I get a mess, LMAO, but... keeps me off the streets.

Peace.
 
...

I'm gonna sleep on it, but... I think this particular lyrics-song idea will be abandoned, LMAO.

Sometimes, when I'm up too late, somethign that sounds really good, will the next day (and for every day after that...lol) sound like childish shite, LMAO

I THOUGHT I had "somethign to work with", but... I don't.

I figured out what i DID have, though... and this is SO funny. I kept thinking in some of the chord voices, "Man... I have HEARD somethign similar before... I must be doing something right..."

Not necesarily... *sigh* It finally popped into my head, while I was working on it. My words weren't popping into my head. Somehow, completely unbidden... "I'll tell you a tale of a fateful crew... and the minnow would be lost..." popped into my head.

I'm like "what the...", then I couldnt get rid of it. It ruined the piece. Completely ruined it. What I DID was get too dang close to the Gilligans island theme, which must be in pentatonic minor?? *shrugs*

oh well... a least the G piano voicing didnt come out too badly...

maybe I will try this again, but with short, terse, 4 line, 3-verse "repeat the chorus liberally" off-the-shelf I-IV-V format... I dunno...

man, if I could get my hands on the guy that wrote gilligans island right this second... grr!

"Lemme tell YOU a fateful story, mister !!! (smak! smak!! SMAK!!!)


MAN, does this suck...
 
I didn't realize there was a current challenge - doesn't matter though as my communication PC suffered a fatal attack of the "HDD no go no mores" so I've been out of the loop and back in the change room for a couple of weeks.
Wish I'd known though. I may have to subscribe to the songwriting forum or something.
 
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