I need some songwriting feedback...thanks in advance.

I know you asked for feedback on the songwriting but it's the EQ that catches my attention - through my system there's so much treble, so much treble. And you do the same thing I do on so many tracks - speed up slightly. You know what that comes from? Noticing the previous take is slightly too fast, and making a conscious effort at slowing the next one down a bit (which works at the beginning, and then the momentum from before asserts itself, and you're going faster).

When it comes to songwriting, I attend to words, chords and melody. Someone's Watching has got a reliable structure and feeling that many people will instantly recognize and relate to. As for the words, I'd like to write a song where this guy talks to God or his girlfriend about feeling a combination of reassurance at the divine presence and yet doubt in the face of the inevitable apparent threats and setbacks in worldly life. But I'd want it much closer to the bone if it was a song like that.

My God you're coming from inside
My God there's no place left to hide
I live this actor's life
Pretending that the fears and knives
Are something I can handle

Well, now you're left with finding another verse that ends in 'candle', so I know you can do better. Sound more tortured, scared, conflicted, in other words.

I make no claim to live up to my own advice. :D
 
That was really nice...although the treble was indeed way much....the composition was first rate, and the lyrics convey the realization of the concept of grace....which doesn't have to have a name brand organization to promote it....drums sounds, instruments, mix all really good...'cept for that treble :D ......gibs
 
My girlfriend is in the room. She thinks it sounds like John Denver.

The Song is pretty solid. A little too tinny and crisp in the high frequencies.

The composition is fine. The song has a traditional sound to it. A more dynamic vocal performance could punctuate the slick smoothness a little.

-Jett Rocker
 
Someones Watching

Hi Johnboy,
I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed your song,I thought it was really great.Fantastic vocals!
You asked for opinions on the songwriting so I'll give you mine for what it's worth.I put the song in A-B-C form.
A-being the verse,from- Think it over-to-watching over me.
B-being the bridge, from- My God
C-being part-A-as an instrumental
So your song form was-Intro-A-A-B-B-A-A-B-B-C-B-B-C
I thought you might be better served if you did,A-A-B-B-A-C-B-B-A-A,and on the last two verses change from a narritive to a question ie.-
Think it over,what your doin here
Now your older
Don't let this pass you by
Love is why
Someones watchin over you

And fade out with some instrumental work over the words as you go out.

Please don't get me wrong,I think this is a great song,far better than anything I could do, but you asked!
By the way ,how did you record the vocals,what type of mic(s) and gear?
Well thanks for the tune,looking foward to your next.
Best of luck
Pete
 
muzeman

this song was recorded on to Roland VS 880's synced via midi.

the vocals were recorded with an AKG C3000 thru a DBX 586 dual tube mic pre...mild compression.

glad you liked it.

Jet-rocker, tell your girlfriend she hasn't actaully heard any john Denver then:)
 
John.....

First of all, I'm glad you're really NOT Father Time! ;)

Okay, now for the song:

Great song, great vocals, great arrangement... well-done!
John Denver? Ummmmm, no.
More like Jude Cole... (If you know who he is)...and that's quite a compliment if you don't!

As for the recording:

Cut the high-end on the acoustic guitar a bit.
Cut the high-end on the drums a bit more and bring 'em down in volume so they sit better in the mix.
Fatten up the low-end on that lead-part. It needs to sound more "smooth and melodic", not "cutting" or "tinny" as it does right now.

Please re-post this song if you make some adjustments. It'll stay on my player for awhile if you do. :)

Buck
 
hi

thanks buck... no I have never heard of Jude Cole, but I will do some checking...thanks for the listen,

I really appreciate everyones feedback!:)

I will reciprocate with some of the tracks on here this evening.

-john
 
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