I Loved Him Anyway

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Bucks

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I LOVED HIM ANYWAY
© Buck Stewart / Nov 2004

I looked up in awe of him
Couldn’t make him notice me
Struggling striving hard to win
Approval I would never see

He’d had a rotten child hood
Talked about it about once or twice
It sure damaged him for good
But his family paid the price

I always hated the way he treated my mom
He never gave me the time of day
Confused and hurt me so deeply
But I loved him anyway

He would disappear for days
Leave us in the dark alone
Take off on unexplained stays
Never bothered to even phone

He had owned his own business
But he drank till that was gone
Mom slaved and payed off his mess
Worked her fingers to the bone

The few times that we did connect still stand out in my mind
But I’ll always regret it didn’t happen just one more last time
Know it ain’t logical, don’t make a lot of sense
He was never proud to be my Dad,
But I loved him anyway

I always hated the way he treated my mom
He never gave me the time of day
Confused and hurt me so deeply
But I loved him anyway

Cancer finally took him
With a little help from alcohol
Can’t forget the color of his skin
Hospital green like on the wall

I always hated the way he treated my mom
He never gave me the time of day
Confused and hurt me so deeply
But I loved him anyway

He was just a man in the end
Wasn't much of a husband or a dad
But I loved him
Anyway
 
bucks what get words and emotion i wouldnt dare try to tear it apart with my senseless critique. i was wondering is this a song or poem? i think it will make a great poem, i would have to hear it to determine how i like it as a song.

just one thing i would change IMO,
"But I’ll always regret it didn’t happen just one more last time"

the just one more last time part is a little confusing, i understand what you are saying but at first glance its like huh? but all in all i really really like it and if this is about your life i m sorry to hear about your dad!
 
JaQsonA1, thanks. I hope it will be a song but I don't have music yet. I just finished writing the lyrics. It is about my dad. Thanks for your comments and suggestion. I'll take a look at that when I do the music.
Thanks again
Buck
 
Hi Bucks,

THis is a great idea for a song. As I read these lyrics, I get the *idea* but the .... pain isn't hitting me. I do some similar stuff in my writing, that is, I say the idea - for example "I feel so weak" but I don't convey it in (well, I'm still working on that) in images, feelings etc. Like, your first verse,
----------
I looked up in awe of him
Couldn’t make him notice me
Struggling striving hard to win
Approval I would never see
---------
Well, we all look up in awe of our dads, no matter how much they hurt us. But how could you convey awe? I have a freind who's a fantastic songwriter. IN one song (forget even about the amazing chords he finds) he says

"Have you seen the city at night?
The buildings look so much bigger,
so much bigger"

now, for me that just hits - you feel like you are looking a tthe world from the eyes of a person who is overwhelmed.

Now, for the "struggling hard to win" (don't we all that with dads?) can't you show me an incident - something you made that you were all excited to show him, and he just brushed you off, for example? Start trying to nail these things - describe what's inside you. For me at least, its not as easy as it sounds. Good luck.
 
i disagree, i think that the mood of this song has been explain enough. you dont want to get too caught up in senseless words. it is very vivid and you dont have to have to dig to deep to try and figure out what he is saying here. i think this is a song from the heart in "one" of its purist forms and he should keep it that way. that's just my personal opinion, others may disagree.
 
JaQsonA1 said:
. you dont want to get too caught up in senseless words.
Click to expand...

Gosh - I hope my comment didn't give the impression that I wanted him to use language that had no significance to him.
 
no, i just didnt want him to get to caught up in trying to make it too colorful until the straight forward meaning of the song is lost.
for example "I feel so weak" but I don't convey it in (well, I'm still working on that) in images, feelings etc.
Click to expand...
i think because of what he is sayn he should just say it like he is.
 
bucks,

i really like this sort of writing. unfettered. and i don't agree with the "don't we all" line of criticism. we do all, and that's why it's important. i'd really like to hear what you do with it as a song.

I do agree that the line "But I’ll always regret it didn’t happen just one more last time" is a little weak, mostly because of the 'one more last time'. you're never going to have more than one last time. i'd drop 'last'.

what musical style are you thinking of?
 
I think that this would work as a country song, it has the directness for that genre. The lyric is in a Steve Earle style and is certainly as good as some of the stuff Earle released.

It feels to me that is has a powerful sentiment which is let down by some of the lines. Lines like "he had owned his own business" and "He had a rotten childhood" - they are too literal. Maybe something along the lines of "He made his way alone" "had to do it all himself", "it wasn't so easy for him", "he grew up in a world we don't understand" kind of thing - convey the same message without being quite so direct, perhaps?
 
Hey Layla, thanks for the read and comments. Not sure what to do with this one. It seems to stirp people up so maybe that's a good thing. I hope so. Don't worry, I took you comments in the spirit they were given. I'm going to step back from this one for awhile.
NationalSandwic, thanks to you as well. You are right about that line in the bridge. I'm definately going to change that. I appreciate the positive comments. That's encouraging, helps me soldier on.
Gary, I'm leaning towards country on this one too. I'm going to let it simmer on the back burner and come back to it later with all the suggestions everyone has made. I appreciate everyone taking the time to comment.
Thanks again
Buck
 
I think it's the "don't we all" feeling that makes it strong. We all CAN identify with the song. Besides that, when he does take it to music, the lyrics will change slightly any way to fit the meter of the song, and the phrasing. Hopefully, something won't be lost when that happens. I was touched by the lyrics because I lived it, too. And my piece of work father is still alive (but he's been dead to me for awhile, maybe I'll call him...).
 
Hey Buck,

Good luck with your song. See where it goes. I have a lot of work to do on mine. I'm putting it on the back burner to simmer for a while, too. I'm hoping to do some work on this song or another one I'm working on and get a soundclick account over the next two months. Good luck to you, and I look forward to hearing this song.

Layla
 
This is a difficult subject to get across well. It's clear you have deep feelings about this. I think your song would come across much more effectively if instead of telling us how you feel, you showed us.

For example:

Instead of:

I looked up in awe of him
Couldn’t make him notice me
Struggling striving hard to win
Approval I would never see

He’d had a rotten child hood
Talked about it about once or twice
It sure damaged him for good
But his family paid the price

I always hated the way he treated my mom
He never gave me the time of day
Confused and hurt me so deeply
But I loved him anyway


Try this:

My report card was all "A's"
But he kept watching the TV
His old man never cared 'bout him
Why would he care for me?

And one night he beat my momma
Just for buying a new dress
He was fighting all his demons
Yeah, but we all paid the price

Right now your song is basically a list of your feelings. Try changing it to a series of vignettes that show the scenes that these feelings came from.

A
 
Aaron Cheney said:
This is a difficult subject to get across well. It's clear you have deep feelings about this. I think your song would come across much more effectively if instead of telling us how you feel, you showed us.
......

Right now your song is basically a list of your feelings. Try changing it to a series of vignettes that show the scenes that these feelings came from.

A
Click to expand...

This is exactly what I was trying to say in my earlier post. Perhaps I didn't explain it well, because some people seemed to think my advice was really inappropriate. But if you show real incidents from you life, oddly enough, it will be even more meaningful to other people than just telling them that you feel the same feelings that they might (eg - I tried to win his approval etc)
 
Hey Aaron and Layla, thanks for your imput. I hear what you're saying but I'm putting things on hold for awhile. When I get back to it I'll definately consider your comments. Thanks again.
Best regards
Buck
 
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