i like to hear some feedback about this lyric please

I

istyle

New member
i have my mp3site and this song will be posted next week,i hope
( you know how late mp3,com do your stuff if youre not their premeire )
so i think it's a good chance to hear comments about the lyric only
here it is

: Strings of pearls

the tears are strings of the pearls...
decorating our hearts
they collect things like those bitter experiences around us

when the curtain calls,when the tears have to fall
for the sad and lonely world
those strings of pearls....are broken again

sadly adorn our hearts like those pretty necklaces
chaining around our necks to enhance those pretty faces

when the time has come for us all
to let it out
get naked under your skin
that's when your strings ... getting thin....and broken again

that's it
please keep in mind that i'm a foreigner and i'm not sure i made mistakes with some idioms or not
so please correct me if i'm wrong
thnx in advance,the music is kinda loopbased ,hiphop RandB style
istyle
www.mp3.com/istyle
 
Hi istyle,

This is poetry-------and that's good-- real good if you have it
flowing to the rythmn-- The lyrics work fine and you have a
distinct writing style--What else could you want--look forward
to hearing the tune---Suggestion--don't bruise it musically--
These words are great!!!!!
 
Hi, Istyle.

I read your lyrics:

Right away I felt what you were expressing. The only thing that slowed me down was the lack of rhyming, and like I said in another thread someplace, good lyrics will stand up with good music. I also took into concideration that English is not your native language, and you may have some trouble getting the right words together to rhyme.
But it really doesn't matter, your lyrics do express your feelings, from start to end.

Then listened to your song:

You lyrics and music compliment one another. A marrige is there, a bond between the words and music, and that is most important.
Even without the rhyming, the lyrics are very good.
You did a good job, Istyle.

Keep it up, m'friend.
 
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