I Caused a Wreck

[icystorm]

No, not a real wreck!

I'm trying to create something a little different. The song's about a guy who takes an interest in a gorgeous girl he spots in his rearview mirror while driving. He impulsively decides that he has to meet her, so he quickly reasons that the only way he can make her acquaintance is...

..to cause a traffic accident!

So far, I have the music and melody worked out, plus the lyrics to the chorus and bridge. I'll finish the idea and post a demo one of these days. Like our friend Dave, I'm "crap ass busy" right now with work.

- - - l y r i c s - - -

I Caused a Wreck

Words and music by Joseph Spain
Created with Jamstudio.com 2.3, Acoustica Mixcraft 4.5, and Audacity 1.3
Produced by Joseph Spain
CD: Betrayal
Copyright: Joseph Spain 2009

Verse 1
(pending)

Chorus
Infatuation in the glass
She's in my lane, I look to see
A fleeting fawn that's fading fast
Chaos control, she's close to me
Now does she know the scene she'll cause
How far I'll go to see her close
Premeditate the move I'll make
I hit the brakes, I caused a wreck

Verse 2
(pending)

Chorus
Infatuation in the glass
She's in my lane, I look to see
A fleeting fawn that's fading fast
Chaos control, she's close to me
Now does she know the scene she'll cause
How far I'll go to see her close
Premeditate the move I'll make
I hit the brakes, I caused a wreck

Bridge
There's no reason to worry
the danger was just minimal
There's no grief and no hurry
I have her number and her smile

(repeat chorus through fade)

 

[gecko zzed]

Fabulous and clever lyrics!!

So far so excellent!

 

[Monkey Allen]

This is borderline stalking right?



Good luck...I got nothin

 

[icystorm]

This is borderline stalking right?

Um, no. It's active and full-fledged.

Sympathy line: "I'm terribly sorry, Miss, but there was this cute little puppy in the road."

I wonder if he'll confess someday after they're together...

...and what her reaction might be?

Joseph

 

[icystorm]

Fabulous and clever lyrics!!

So far so excellent!

Thanks, Mike!

I'm toying with these changes... any thoughts?

Infatuation in the glass
She's in my lane, I strain to see
A fleeting fawn who's fading fast
Chaos control, she's close to me
Now does she know the scene she'll cause
How far I'll go to see us click
Premeditate my move and prose
I hit the brakes and caused a wreck

Joseph

 

[gecko zzed]

"who's" is better than "that's". Maybe you could even use "she" again:
"She's in my lane, I strain to see
A fleeting fawn, she's fading fast"

It does mean many repeats of "she" throughout. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it is tricky.

"How far I go to see her close" is a better line than "How far I'll go to see us click". The second has the advantage of a rhyme for "wreck", but it feels a bit contrived. The first has an internal half-rhyme ("go" and "close"). But yo've already got "close" earlier on. Maybe you could use "near", which is a half rhyme for "see" and "me".

"Premeditate the move I'll make" is stronger than "Premeditate my move and prose". I like the idea behind the second . . . the idea of imagining a conversation in your head . . . but it doesn't have the punch of the first.

Again, "I hit the brakes. I caused a wreck" is way more dramatic than "I hit the brakes and caused a wreck."

The end of all that is:

Infatuation in the glass
She's in my lane. I strain to see
A fleeting fawn who's fading fast
Chaos control, she's close to me
Now does she know the scene she'll cause
How far I'll go to see her near
Premeditate the move I'll make
I hit the brakes. I caused a wreck

 

[rayc]

Encase it in a melody as beguiling as Every Breath I Take - & have the world swoon & sing along to another tale of the dark side -
Crash meets About A Boy.
Clever story too!
Now, if the storyline veers into Boxing Helena's lane I'll be sending the white coats around!

 

[icystorm]

Encase it in a melody as beguiling as Every Breath I Take - & have the world swoon & sing along to another tale of the dark side -
Crash meets About A Boy.
Clever story too!
Now, if the storyline veers into Boxing Helena's lane I'll be sending the white coats around!

LOL. Thanks, Ray. No need for the rubber room. It's just fiction.

It's interesting that you jokingly allude to the gray line that fiction writers often must walk. I've often wondered how many great fiction stories are left untold because the would-be authors are afraid the authorities would start looking a little too closely at their lives. All it takes is one incident like the Virginia Tech massacre to put a decisive lid on creativity for many people. (Recall that the VA Tech killer wrote dark stories in class. His teacher was afraid of him and rightfully so).

Anyway, I've had a great (well, at least I think so) idea for a fictional story for years. It involves a man who inherits the gift of complete and unbridled omnipotence from a dying race of aliens. They bequeath to him their supernatural ability to control all matter and processes, using thought alone, before the last one dies and their omnipotent power is lost forever.

The story would not be about aliens; that's just the introductory catalyst to explain how the man acquired his abilities. The theme of his life would be quite dark, beginning with petty revenge against perceived, personal wrongs in his past and evolving to the more advanced theme of improving life by paring down and sculpting the human population according to his personal standards.

Anyway, I'm afraid to write the story for fear that it could incite a visit from "the authorities". Perhaps that is the scariest story of all; humanity's fear of "the authorities".

Cheers,
Joseph

 

[icystorm]

finished lyrics

Update:

I finished the lyrics. BTW, thanks Mike for your good advice earlier. I switched some of the chorus back to the way it was, as you recommended, but I made a few other changes too.

- - - l y r i c s - - -

I Caused a Wreck

Words and music by Joseph Spain
Created with Jamstudio.com 2.3, Acoustica Mixcraft 4.5, and Audacity 1.3
Produced by Joseph Spain
CD: Betrayal
Copyright: Joseph Spain 2009

Verse 1
Sometimes in life you blink and see
A vision from eternity
I double-take a rarity
Then I chase to see this girl
I postulate a safer way
Resist the dangers of high speed
But in the end I must keep pace
As I race to see this girl

Chorus
Infatuation in the glass
She's in my lane, I watch and see
A fleeting fawn who's fading fast
Chaos control, I rush to pass
Now does she know the scene she'll cause
How far I'll go to meet my match
Premeditate the move I'll make
I hit the brakes, I caused a wreck
and she's mine

Verse 2
A clever few would ever spy
This highway harlot in the eye
I rush to see, I'm far too spry
In my haste to see this girl
I formulate a safer speed
To catch this woman of my needs
But in the end I fall to greed
As I brace to crash this girl

Chorus
Infatuation in the glass
She's in my lane, I watch and see
A fleeting fawn who's fading fast
Chaos control, I rush to pass
Now does she know the scene she'll cause
How far I'll go to meet my match
Premeditate the move I'll make
I hit the brakes, I caused a wreck
and she's mine

Bridge
There's no reason to worry
the danger was just minimal
There's no grief and no hurry
I have her number and her smile

(repeat chorus through fade)

 

[gecko zzed]

Some great lines here:

"I double-take a rarity"

"This highway harlot in the eye"

In the bridge, how about:

"The reason was subliminal
The danger was just minimal"

I'm not sure about:

"I'm far too spry"

I'd prefer just:

"I race to see this girl" instead of "as I race to see this girl"

Your revised chorus works for me.

 

[icystorm]

Some great lines here:

"I double-take a rarity"

"This highway harlot in the eye"

In the bridge, how about:

"The reason was subliminal
The danger was just minimal"

I'm not sure about:

"I'm far too spry"

I'd prefer just:

"I race to see this girl" instead of "as I race to see this girl"

Your revised chorus works for me.

You have some good ideas there, Mike. I may use some of them. Thanks!

Cheers,
Joseph

 

[SEDstar]

hummm...

I really like this one...

I am "torn" between some of the suggested/opined changes (and good ones)

but... SOMEthing in the original, short version "lives" for me somehow. and I seem to hear some of the stuff being more shorter lines, too..

like... example...

take rush for example... "red barchetta" theres that part where they just have short lines

"wheel... in my hand... adrenaline surge...", kind of a "less is more" moment??

here, in the "short, first version" I want a few of the lines to be shortened to that "visceral minimalist" image like that?

*shrugs* maybe I cant explain it, what I mean. I favor the first, the shorter version... with minimal lengthening or adding, adding only the VERY best line or image, just to "break up" a restated verse.

I could well be wrong (and I frequently am, trust me, LMAO)




hey, its one of the FEW times I am not just saying "yeah, me too" (rare for me to have an original idea, eh? LMAO)


but... I really like this lyrics set, somehow very cool.

PS - you have been putting out a certain VOLUME of work lately. with few "poopers", IE, your maintaining high quality thru your high volume output. Thats very commendable, and professional in my next to worthless opinion.

 

[rayc]

Joseph,
I think the bridge stanza releases too much tension it resolves the danger elements & intentions too nicely.

I thought perhaps a little less resolution & still a slight sinsiter bent night come from this after reading Gecko's bit:

The urges were subliminal
The damage only minimal
My intentions short of criminal
I got her details and
a smile...

 

[gecko zzed]

The urges were subliminal
The damage only minimal
My intentions short of criminal
I got her details and
a smile...

hah . . . 'criminal' is an excellent addition.

I'd like to try out:

"My motives only slightly criminal"

but I don't know how it would fit.

 

[icystorm]

take rush for example... "red barchetta" theres that part where they just have short lines

"wheel... in my hand... adrenaline surge...", kind of a "less is more" moment??

Good example and I agree. Sometimes less is more.

here, in the "short, first version" I want a few of the lines to be shortened to that "visceral minimalist" image like that?

*shrugs* maybe I cant explain it, what I mean. I favor the first, the shorter version... with minimal lengthening or adding, adding only the VERY best line or image, just to "break up" a restated verse.

That's not a bad idea. I'll work on that and see if I can come up with something that naturally fits the melody.

I could well be wrong (and I frequently am, trust me, LMAO)

Nah, there's no right and wrong. Just ideas and preferences.

hey, its one of the FEW times I am not just saying "yeah, me too" (rare for me to have an original idea, eh? LMAO)

That's the strength of the group to me; differing opinions and constructive suggestions.

but... I really like this lyrics set, somehow very cool.

Thanks!

PS - you have been putting out a certain VOLUME of work lately. with few "poopers", IE, your maintaining high quality thru your high volume output. Thats very commendable, and professional in my next to worthless opinion.

Double thanks! Like Dave, I've been "crap ass busy", but the idea for the song suddenly came along. I need to spend more time practicing chord shifts instead of writing new songs.

Say, regarding volume, let me drop a name of someone who dwarfs us all... Walter Tore. Now THAT'S volume! Some people write 10 to 15 songs a year, but Walter writes, records, and burns 15 songs between breakfast and supper. Just... WOW.

Cheers,
Joseph

 

[icystorm]

I think the bridge stanza releases too much tension it resolves the danger elements & intentions too nicely.

I thought perhaps a little less resolution & still a slight sinsiter bent night come from this after reading Gecko's bit:

The urges were subliminal
The damage only minimal
My intentions short of criminal
I got her details and
a smile...

Good suggestions, Ray. I may work on the bridge some more with those ideas in mind.

Cheers,
Joseph

 

[gecko zzed]

The urges were subliminal
The damage only minimal
My intentions short of criminal
I got her details . . .
She got mine

 

[Monkey Allen]

Sounds ilke you could do it to the tune of Robert Palmer's Simply Irresistable

 

[SEDstar]

...

Simply iurresistable, eh?

way back when, when I figured I couldn't learn to compose original music (many feel I still cant, LMAO) I used to concentrate on writing funny lyrics to hit pop songs.

the word criminal, and mentioning simply irresistable song, makes me come up with a song like this...

"I'm just a common criminal,
that find's yer money irresistable,
unemployments not subsistable,
I sell narcotics by the fist-full..."

 

[icystorm]

way back when, when I figured I couldn't learn to compose original music (many feel I still cant, LMAO) I used to concentrate on writing funny lyrics to hit pop songs.

the word criminal, and mentioning simply irresistable song, makes me come up with a song like this...

"I'm just a common criminal,
that find's yer money irresistable,
unemployments not subsistable,
I sell narcotics by the fist-full..."

LOL. We always did that in school, but ours was often on the vulgar side.

"Her twat was so digestible (bomp bomp)
Her ass was unforgettable (beep beep)
do-do-do-do-dee-do-do-do
Her lingus was delectible (bomp bomp)
Her tits were extra lickable (beep beep)"

...and that's the cleaned up version.

We rewrote the lyrics to nearly every top 40 song in the day. Didn't everyone?

Stevie Wonder's "I Just Called To Say I Love You" went:

I just called to say I hate you
I just called to say I'll kick your ass
I just called to say I HATE you
and I mean it from the bottom of my arse

LOL. I've since reformed.

Cheers,
Joseph