Condescending? Naw, not in the least. Let me explain what I was trying to say. When I first started out singing, 30 years ago, I would hear myself on tape and couldn't believe that I sounded like that. I hated it, hearing my voice, that is. After a long time, I now hear exactly what I sound like. I'm not saying that I like it or that I'm great at it, just that I am not surprised anymore.
That is what I gathered, and I don't doubt it. A huge part of voice training is learning the difference between how you sound to the audience, rather than to yourself. Its an awareness I wish I had. That said, that level of awareness is a tool to be used in practice, not an excuse not to.
As far as relative pitch goes, perhaps I should have used the word tone deaf. Some people are and they will have little success trying to sing on key. You have to have a reference. You used the term reference note.
If you are tone deaf, a reference note will not help you.
Tone deaf is certainly a much better word choice. But, very few people are truly tone deaf. With guidance, most people can develop an ear for the western tonal system of music.
Do I sing on key all the time? Of course, not. The difference is that I know when I am off key. If the cans are too hot, I will sing sharp, but I don't realize it until I play it back. Why do I detect it? Because I have relative pitch.
Tuning problems have plagued me a lot lately because I can't voice my guitar very well. The intonation is off and the action is too high.
If I tune it to play an E chord perfectly, the B or 2nd string will play sharp when I move to an A or D chord. It drives me crazy. Relative pitch is a double edged sword. It can make you feel that you're not getting it right and that you never will.
To the ear of a very sensitive musician, very few guitars can be "voiced" to play in tune in every chord. A lot of players will tune for a specific key and live with the fact that it will not be perfect, but be the best of all evils.
That B string has to be tuned a little flat and the G string as well with my guitar because the action is a bit high. Otherwise an A chord or D chord will play too sharp.
If I were tone deaf, I could just use the tuner and be happy when the green light tells me it's in tune.
All true, though I don't particularly see how it pertains to the original topic of voice. I think we can all agree on what the term "tone deaf" means.
Condescending? Sure, just beat me up for being honest. If you're tone deaf, all the voice lessons in the world will not help you.
As I said before, I do not mean to sound condescending. Further, I do not mean to "beat anyone up." What I do mean to do is correct grossly ignorant and discouraging information. I fully support respect on the boards, and do not mean to make or begin any personal attack. However, the fact of the matter is that you are wrong. I am simply trying to find a way to say so without personally attacking.
There are very few truly tone deaf people. Even if one cannot recognize a pitch and sing it back immediately, a teacher can help develop the musical ear. Even voice performance majors struggle with ear training.
Certainly practice will make you better at anything you do. But you have to have the potential to be outstanding. I don't practice voice because I know my limitations.
Quite frankly, no you don't. One can only know their limitations if one has realized their full potential. From your admitted lack of dedicated practice, you have not.
I will only be so good and then I hit the wall. I'm good enough to get the job done, but I'll never sing like Josh Brogan.
That may be true. But, without dedicated practice you will never really know where that wall is. Your personal history betrays your argument. If you were able to say "I took voice instruction for X years, practiced for hours daily, sang in a chorus that rehearsed weekly, and I never saw results," then your "I'll never be Josh Groban" argument would make sense. As it stands, it does not.
Among the psychological acknowledgements that one must make in the pursuit of good vocal technique, is that one has limitations that can be overcome with guidance and dedication.
A better litmus test for the novice singer would be, "Ask yourself if you genuinely want to be a singer and are willing to dedicate yourself to becoming one wholeheartedly." There is a reason that every vocal star's Behind the Music features childhood videos of them singing at young ages in stupid costumes. There is a reason that the typical opera singer spends 12-14 years of their adult life in training before they debut. There is a reason that there are so many books on vocal pedagogy. That reason, is that singing is a learnable skill like any other that improves with dedicated practice and time. Period.
The most damaging perspective for a novice singer to have is that they can only be so good, and thus that practice will not yield results. Such perspective hinders the emotional risk-taking necessary in beginning the process of bettering one's voice.
To put it simply, dedicated practice may not guarantee immediate results, but the one method guaranteed NOT to make one a great singer is not to try.
To the original poster, I would recommend:
1. Singing in a vocal performance group of some kind (Community Chorus, etc). Knowing other singers will help you pick up things. Singing in front of people frequently in rehearsal will help you develop more ease performing. The feedback will also help.
2. Find a reputable teacher.
3. A good daily warm up can be found in Jeannie Deva's Contemporary Vocalist. Its about $60, available online. I really like the program, but must admit I'm not terribly far into it yet.
4. Regarding gig days: during your normal practice, figure out how long it takes your voice get warmed up. That is, find the peak of your comfort and sound, and experiment to get to the level of ease on stage. I find that practicing heavily on gig days just stresses me out more. Though, I haven't been singing long — performing still freaks the hell out of me. So, again, experiment.
5. Read about voice. Antony Frisell and Richard Miller are two names to start with.