How crappy is my tune?

  • Thread starter Thread starter PistolWhip
  • Start date Start date
Thanks for taking the time to listen and comment MJR. I'm trying to become a better songwriter so I thought a few critiques might help. Thanks again.
 
PistolWhip said:
Thanks for taking the time to listen and comment MJR. I'm trying to become a better songwriter so I thought a few critiques might help. Thanks again.
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Listening again, the "gimme it all" doesn't sound quite right. It's not your voice or your singing in particular. I guess the way you sing it rapidly, combined with it being an odd-sounding phrase anyway makes it sound that way. Could you change it to "give it all to me", or would that mess up the meaning of your song?
 
mjr said:
Listening again, the "gimme it all" doesn't sound quite right. It's not your voice or your singing in particular. I guess the way you sing it rapidly, combined with it being an odd-sounding phrase anyway makes it sound that way. Could you change it to "give it all to me", or would that mess up the meaning of your song?
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In fact the entire chorus is what troubles me. I didnt say anything about it to see if anyone else would bring it up. I'm thinking of scraping the entire chorus and trying again with something altogether different.
 
PistolWhip said:
In fact the entire chorus is what troubles me. I didnt say anything about it to see if anyone else would bring it up. I'm thinking of scraping the entire chorus and trying again with something altogether different.
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i can see why the chorus troubles you. if it troubles you that much, then change it. although the idea of "gimme gimme some love" is a good one the chorus is a bit awkward. but not bad at all.

nice verses, though you repeat "a teenage suicide wont' save me" quite a bit. and very nice and clean guitar work. :)
 
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