Hold on----- DEMO SONG

[stereo91]

just something i did one night in my room. its only a demo song so nothing professional here but interested to see what people think of it anyways good and bad ha

I try to focus my mind
But I think it's too late
All these faces I see
Their hope has faded away

Like planes crashing down
Like stones sinking in water
The lost boy never found
The story remains broken

Walking in the dark As we walk alone
Flowers we lay laying over the over the old
Days into months months turn to years
As we lay down bout are fears
And just hold on.......
And just hold on.....

Sometimes you know
Sometimes you hope
That life will guide you
Through these hard times

Walking in the dark
As we walk alone
Flowers we lay laying over the over the old
Days into months months turn to years
As we lay hear talking bout are fears
and just hold on
Just hold on...

You got to be strong
So just hold on
You got to be strong
So baby just hold
You got to be strong
So baby just hold
You got be strong so baby just hold on



YouTube - Hold on (demo song)

 

[bcfromfl]

I can tell you put some effort into the recording, evidenced at least by the vocal doubling. You are successful in your technique in recording a consistent mood. All songs need to start somewhere, so don't necessarily apologize for the fact that it's not something "professional." Also, my criticisms below are through my own "lens" of what I expect from a pop song, but aren't necessarily what others may feel, or what you're trying to accomplish.

I read the lyrics, and listened to your recording a couple of times. I think if this project is to go further, it needs work on both lyrics and music...and maybe even on the title itself. The lyrics come across as a metaphysical rant, too "emo," with no direction or payoff. There are just too many similes and alliterations without any story. This, coupled with the repetitive nature of the music, with few notes, makes it, frankly, pretty boring. I don't mean to sound harsh...I think you can take this somewhere with some more work.

In order to create a payoff for your story, first, you need to personalize it a bit more. Make the listener identify with the situation better, by creating more of a beginning, middle, and end. Don't just tell me how bad it is, how is this misery affecting the person's life? (I assume it's a song of support for a loved one.) Now...and this is the important part...what's the reward for "holding on?" How did this change the misery, or what is the hope that arises from holding on? An expression of hope keeps the story firmly anchored in the present with an eye to the future, while a description of a happy resolution makes the view of the song to the past, as in, giving someone hope by telling them an anecdotal story from your experience.

Many songs don't need one, but this song, in its present form, cries out for a bridge. There is so little going on with the melody that you need to surprise the listener, and wake him up before the final chorus. The bridge is going to work in conjunction with the lyrics, and the lyrics within the bridge will complete the happy resolution of holding on. The verse leading into the bridge will have a slightly different angle to it, because the story is evolving, then the bridge ties it up. Given the length of the song already, I would use three verses and a bridge...AABACB...for example.

Also, it's OK for the verses to be simple and in a minor key, because that supports the mood of the lyrics. But design the chorus so that it offsets the verses a bit, and musically makes the listener feel hopeful...that there is a reward to holding on. In its present state, I think the chorus seems too similar to the verses.

And finally, one the the things that sometimes separates good songs from great ones is a good "hook." Diane Warren came up with a great hook with her song title, "Unbreak My Heart" (sung by Toni Braxton), and Carrie Underwood's song (James, Lindsey, and Sampson), "Jesus Take The Wheel," makes a situational hook in the story. This is why I suggested that you might want to change your song title, depending upon the direction you take any rewrites.

Just my two cents. Keep up the good work!

-Bruce

 

[The Composer]

great transitions into falsetto. Soothing Song.

 

[Armistice]

great transitions into falsetto. Soothing Song.

au contraire - from a recording point of view it's a crap transition into falsetto, the volume dies completely. That's not to say that such things can't be fixed, of course...

OP - as bc above has said, there's not much going on here musically - and so, in this stripped back format, the song suffers. There are a million million songs which just follow a strummed chord change around for three minutes, with nothing else happening - now there's one more. It needs SOMETHING to make it a bit more dynamic - some different additional guitar later one, a bridge? Something...

Alos, without being cruel, lyrically it's just another existential emo angst song - good luck if you can find a market for it, but there's nothing here that sticks in your head, I don't know what it's about.

I do like the vocal melody however, and the chord structure is fine - the whole thing just needs more work to make it a good memorable song, I'd say. Don't be disheartened, but perhaps take it back and rework it a bit.

You could also try a second voice repeating the chorus, or singing something different, or something like that.

Good attempt but it's not going to make your fortune.