HipHop FeedBack Please!

[Re-Lapse]

So, I haven't updated or put a thread in a while, I've been working on my flow. So I thought I'd chop up a sample for you all to judge.

It's nowhere near done, it's only _part_. I want to know how my "flow" is.

The beat was produced by Mister KA Beats [misterkabeats@gmail.com]

The lyrics are mine, and it is me in the song. It's not being used for profit, but after I get better I'm going to make a Mixtape. But that's far in the future.

Please, give me all the critisizal comments you can give. Help is needed

--Re-Lapse

 

[northern cali]

it gets choppy at times n i aint feelin it when you speed up to get an extra couple of words in that bar...

 

[zed32]

it's better, the vocal is much less distorted, but it still breaks up occasionally.

 

[Re-Lapse]

it gets choppy at times n i aint feelin it when you speed up to get an extra couple of words in that bar...

What do you suggest that I do with the longer verses? I'm not sure what to do, as far as I can tell it's on key when I speed the vocals up to fit in the verse.

--Re-Lapse

 

[Re-Lapse]

it's better, the vocal is much less distorted, but it still breaks up occasionally.

I thought so too, I'm workin' on figuring out positioning and volume levels for my Microphone, to make it work. I'll keep on keepin' on and show ya'll that I can do it, if I try.

--Re-Lapse

PS. - Any suggestions on things I should work on, other than delivery?

 

[Fieva]

Try not to speed up the vocals to fit. If something doesn't fit, it usually means there's a better, more creative way to write it.

Think of it this way...music is like dancing.

*You try to pop lock too fast and you'll land flat on your face and get laughed at.
*You try to do it too slow and you don't seem good at it and you still get laughed at or ignored altogether.
*You vibe with the flow and make a mistake or two, you seem just like everyone else, but you don't get laughed at, you get more support to help you master it.
*You master it and you're expected to do it again next time (and they look forward to seeing you perform). That's where you want to be when it's all said and done.

Trust me, I do that on almost every song I've ever recorded. I'll have something written one way and then go into the studio and it just doesn't sound right. So I get back to the pen and pad and figure that out. Sometimes it takes a couple of minutes, sometimes it can take longer. But it makes the song better usually.

You can switch up your vocals from time to time, but don't have them going all over the place. Like you might slow them down when the beat drops out and then comes back in or speed them up when you've got a part where the hi hats speed up. Vibe with the music man.

Trust me, if something seems rushed, it probably is homie.

Fiev.

 

[Re-Lapse]

Try not to speed up the vocals to fit. If something doesn't fit, it usually means there's a better, more creative way to write it.

Think of it this way...music is like dancing.

*You try to pop lock too fast and you'll land flat on your face and get laughed at.
*You try to do it too slow and you don't seem good at it and you still get laughed at or ignored altogether.
*You vibe with the flow and make a mistake or two, you seem just like everyone else, but you don't get laughed at, you get more support to help you master it.
*You master it and you're expected to do it again next time (and they look forward to seeing you perform). That's where you want to be when it's all said and done.

Trust me, I do that on almost every song I've ever recorded. I'll have something written one way and then go into the studio and it just doesn't sound right. So I get back to the pen and pad and figure that out. Sometimes it takes a couple of minutes, sometimes it can take longer. But it makes the song better usually.

You can switch up your vocals from time to time, but don't have them going all over the place. Like you might slow them down when the beat drops out and then comes back in or speed them up when you've got a part where the hi hats speed up. Vibe with the music man.

Trust me, if something seems rushed, it probably is homie.

Fiev.

That's an interesting way to put it. But, to be honest I don't really notice in that song where I'm speeding up my vocals. I guess I'm just so use to just writing it, and doin' it up because it flows to me. I don't see where ya'll mean I'm speedin' the vocals while the beat stays slower. Could you point it out to me? I'll post the lyrics below.

--Re-Lapse

Back in my home town
nothin' but love to go around
Everyone was happy never saw a single frown
Smiles to the left and baby smiles to the right
Everybody smiled whether it was the day or the night

Happiness, Bliss, Excitement and Truth
Every single person does what they gotta do
Work a 9-5 every single day and night
Just to survive and still have legal rights
Back in my home town everything was all good
We all collabed together like one big hood
Never fought, never squaled, never really argued at all
The only time that we had some sort of disagreement
Was when we picked the person to represent

To me, With that beat, That all flows together, some parts are faster, but in my opinion it fits, I'm in a sense, lost.

Help?!

 

[Change of POETS]

Back in my home town
nothin' but love to go around
Everybody was happy never saw a single frown
Smiles to the left and baby smiles to the right
Everybody smiled whether it was the day or whether it was the night

Happiness, Bliss, Excitement and Truth
Every single person does what they gotta do
Work a 9-5 every single day and night
Just to survive and still have legal rights
Back in my home town everything was all good
We all collabed together like one big hood
Never fought, never squaled, never really argued at all


Those are the parts where the flow is off.

Count your sylables, man. You're rushing lines because you're trying to squeeze too many sylables into them. You need to match your bars with sylable counts. Doesn't have to be exact, but if you've got 12 sylables on one bar, you can't cram 18 in the next... it just doesn't sound right.

 

[Re-Lapse]

Back in my home town
nothin' but love to go around
Everybody was happy never saw a single frown
Smiles to the left and baby smiles to the right
Everybody smiled whether it was the day or whether it was the night

Happiness, Bliss, Excitement and Truth
Every single person does what they gotta do
Work a 9-5 every single day and night
Just to survive and still have legal rights
Back in my home town everything was all good
We all collabed together like one big hood
Never fought, never squaled, never really argued at all


Those are the parts where the flow is off.

Count your sylables, man. You're rushing lines because you're trying to squeeze too many sylables into them. You need to match your bars with sylable counts. Doesn't have to be exact, but if you've got 12 sylables on one bar, you can't cram 18 in the next... it just doesn't sound right.

Hmm.. that's interesting, I never realized that until you pointed it out. But, let me point out something, why doesn't that fit, but when Twista does a song, he can do about 10 syllables first line, and then 18 the next? I can rap his songs to a tee, so I know I got the speed. Is there something different there? or is he not good either

-Re-Lapse

P.S. Thanks for the inpuT!

 

[zed32]

Hmm.. that's interesting, I never realized that until you pointed it out. But, let me point out something, why doesn't that fit, but when Twista does a song, he can do about 10 syllables first line, and then 18 the next? I can rap his songs to a tee, so I know I got the speed. Is there something different there? or is he not good either

-Re-Lapse

P.S. Thanks for the inpuT!

that shit's just a parlor trick. i find it pretty annoying honestly. there's no need to rap at super speed. part of the beauty of poetry and songwriting is in the simplicity. using the fewest words possible to express the same point is just as difficult as trying to talk at super speed, and it's much easier on the listener.

 

[Re-Lapse]

that shit's just a parlor trick. i find it pretty annoying honestly. there's no need to rap at super speed. part of the beauty of poetry and songwriting is in the simplicity. using the fewest words possible to express the same point is just as difficult as trying to talk at super speed, and it's much easier on the listener.

Ah.. Well, I figured as much if I could get my point across and make it work, it wouldn't be a big deal. But, I see what you're saying and I'll definitely switch it up a bit, and work on making it more simple, rather than dadadadadadadadadadadadada, I'll make it dadadadadada

Thanks again.

--Re-Lapse

 

[Change of POETS]

Hmm.. that's interesting, I never realized that until you pointed it out. But, let me point out something, why doesn't that fit, but when Twista does a song, he can do about 10 syllables first line, and then 18 the next? I can rap his songs to a tee, so I know I got the speed. Is there something different there? or is he not good either

-Re-Lapse

P.S. Thanks for the inpuT!

Because he doesn't sound off when he does it. You sound awkward, and off-tempo when you try to do it. It's experience.

You're trying to run before you crawl, and that doesn't work. Try getting the basic elements of flowing down, before you try to incorporate double-timing the beat.

 

[Re-Lapse]

Because he doesn't sound off when he does it. You sound awkward, and off-tempo when you try to do it. It's experience.

You're trying to run before you crawl, and that doesn't work. Try getting the basic elements of flowing down, before you try to incorporate double-timing the beat.

This has to be the first time that I totally disagree with the situation. I understand that I'm fitting too many syllables into one verse, but when I listen to it, I don't see where it sounds "off" or "awkard"... To me, it fits. It works.

Oh well, I guess I'll listen to what ya'll have to say, because afterall, I really don't know anything.

--Re-Lapse

P.S. I didn't mean that in a self-bashing way, it's true.

 

[Change of POETS]

This has to be the first time that I totally disagree with the situation. I understand that I'm fitting too many syllables into one verse, but when I listen to it, I don't see where it sounds "off" or "awkard"... To me, it fits. It works.

Oh well, I guess I'll listen to what ya'll have to say, because afterall, I really don't know anything.

--Re-Lapse

P.S. I didn't mean that in a self-bashing way, it's true.

Try listening to it with an objective mind. If this many people are telling you it's off... it's likely to be true. People here don't hate on people, fam. Concentrate on writing your bars so they fit well together... That's step #1.

 

[Re-Lapse]

Try listening to it with an objective mind. If this many people are telling you it's off... it's likely to be true. People here don't hate on people, fam. Concentrate on writing your bars so they fit well together... That's step #1.

Click the link again, check the song again. Tell me if it's improved, because I re-did it. I think it's perfect, I dont' think it's off in any manner, I can spit the lyrics perfect to fit into the bar. Be honest, that's all I ask. But I'm being honest too, I love it.

--Re-Lapse

 

[Change of POETS]

Click the link again, check the song again. Tell me if it's improved, because I re-did it. I think it's perfect, I dont' think it's off in any manner, I can spit the lyrics perfect to fit into the bar. Be honest, that's all I ask. But I'm being honest too, I love it.

--Re-Lapse

You're still not riding the beat correctly, your tempo on your lyrics isn't matching the beat as it should. The sped up parts flow better, but it's still not good...

I'm just being honest, duke... It's better than before, but better doesn't equate perfect. Not at all...

 

[Re-Lapse]

You're still not riding the beat correctly, your tempo on your lyrics isn't matching the beat as it should. The sped up parts flow better, but it's still not good...

I'm just being honest, duke... It's better than before, but better doesn't equate perfect. Not at all...

. . . . . . . . . . .. .. .. ... ... . .. .. . ... I don't get it.........................................................................................................................*sigh*...I guess sometimes you just have to go your own way and not go with what the crowd says, I like it, and I'm staying with it. Although I appreciate your honesty, I have to make some decisions for myself from time to time.

--Re-Lapse

 

[Change of POETS]

Yes you do. If you like it, cool. Do you.

I don't know anything anyway.

 

[Re-Lapse]

Yes you do. If you like it, cool. Do you.

I don't know anything anyway.

Nah, I just listened to your stuff. You're good, and know what you're talking about. But I'm not even kidding, I tried my hardest on that 2nd drop, and it's still not good? I dont' get it.. I dont' see what I'm doing wrong...I don't want to give up because I love music so much, but when someone of your status doesn't like my stuff it makes me feel like I might as well just drop the bomb and leave it to you people who know what you're doing.

I wish a vibe would just go through my body and I'd flow and feel good about it, and make a decent song. I don't want to torture you, but would you please click my Website link in my Sig. and click downloads, and tell me if you like _any_ of them on there? Seriously, if none of them are good, I have a _lot_ of work to do. Please, let me know.



--Re-Lapse

 

[zed32]

Seriously, if none of them are good, I have a _lot_ of work to do. Please, let me know.


--Re-Lapse

it's not supposed to be easy, kid.