Help, any input at all please

[Smokepole]

I had to bring my deck upstairs to record this to a CD for a keyboard player who will hopefully be adding some things to it next week.
I figured it would be a good song to grow with all of your input seeing as it will be redone a couple of times and your hearing this one in it's embryo stage.

Anything at all will be appreciated. I'm out of my element. I don't know how to tell the keyboard player what I want so make some suggestions if something jumps out at you.

Written for my daughter.

Song #4 www.nowhereradio.com/mytunes/singles

Thanks

Joe

By the way I'm not speaking with my drum machine right now. It can't take criticism and is acting very childish!

 

[Toki987]

Those tracks are clear and clean. Good recording. I would add a 4/4 click track for continuity, it would easier to build on the tune regardless of what instruments you choose to wrap into it. You can pull it out later.

 

[Jagular]

Hey Joe...listened to this a few times (still looping actually). I'm almost afraid to ask...is this real life?

I hear some good meaty content, but it's missing something for me. The song seems not to be all glued together for me. I'm thinking I would like to hear more details about how Momma liked things. God I really hate doing this because I think this is a real life experience. . I hear the song alluding to different things that she liked that way, but I'm not sure what specifically what she liked. Well there is the flowers and letting your daughter stay up late. I don't know…maybe she liked the furniture in some specific spot… I really like the idea of the song. Maybe a little suggestion that may be wholly out of place. Especially if this is a real life experience, you might need to dig a little deeper on this. I am getting the feeling that you are really scratching the surface of the emotion. I may be all wet.

As far as keyboard ideas…that's tough for me because I suck at that. I noodle around to try to find something that sounds decent. I can here a pretty naked piano sound in the verses leading up to the bridge and then some nice strings (and actually some kickin' bg vocals too) with the piano coming back in, maybe a little more intensely than the verses prior to the bridge but yet not as intense as the bridge. You know, the old build em up & bring em back down feel?

The tracks that are here now sound pretty damn good.

Nice work

 

[Smokepole]

Toki, there is a click track that I set up with a tempo map to do the retard and to speed the bridge up a little for excitement. I just turned it off for this. I do feel the timing issues though. I think some of the accents are sloppy?

Jag, It was not a good time. My daughter lost her mom of 41 when she was 16, about 4 years ago. We were no longer married at that time, I'm also remarried. But I wrote the song in the text of the tragedy striking while we were still together as a young family. I feel the emotion through my daughters loss. She was devistated. Thanks for asking.

Anyway, I figured I better get that out.

I like what your saying. That's exactly the kind of thing I was hoping for. I think this song is going transform into something, I just don't know exactly what yet. That's a good idea for the piano. I'll relay that along with the CD so I don't get a monotonous keyboard part happening.

Joe

 

[Toki987]

Toki, there is a click track that I set up with a tempo map to do the retard and to speed the bridge up a little for excitement. I just turned it off for this. I do feel the timing issues though. I think some of the accents are sloppy?


Joe

Nah man, the click track would help while laying the additions. The suggestion for the straight strum counter-rythym would lift the accented the rythym a little and make it stand out. I like it.

 

[Smokepole]

Toki, bare with me here. Are you saying that I should leave the click track on the Demo for the keyboards or whatever else I add?

If that's what you’re getting at, now I finally get it. If not I'm embarrassed.

Joe

 

[Toki987]

Toki, bare with me here. Are you saying that I should leave the click track on the Demo for the keyboards or whatever else I add?

If that's what you’re getting at, now I finally get it. If not I'm embarrassed.

Joe

You got it!! lub ya man.

 

[ashulman]

I like what Roy Bittan does on some of Springsteen's mellower pieces, kind of a moody atmospheric keyboard thing - a layer of brooding sound.

 

[TripleM]

I really liked the words. Very touching. You had some great lines in there. Well sung.

Since it's a work in progress I'll suggest some things to add... Harmonies harmonies harmonies. Just background vox going "ahh" over the chord changes in hook sections.

Maybe a subtle reverb on both the guit and vox? You can easily over-do it on a song like this. But a little might really warm it up.

The guitar seemed to be missing some mids. Lacked just a bit of presence.

 

[David]

A real heart felt tune, some great piano and strings would help this alot. Let us know when you finish it. Enjoyed it Joe

 

[Smokepole]

ashulman
I wish I knew what that sound was you're describing. I can't hear it in my head. I keep picturing a Floyd type of background fill in sound with you're description????? Thanks for the input though!

TripleM
I'm a harmony freak at heart. I tried some basic experiments but they sounded out of place. I think once the song begins to fill in a little they will begin to blend in a little smoother. I'll have another go at it. As far as verb goes, it's there but I was afraid to overdue it. I'm glad you said that because I wanted to give it more but than hesitated. ooooh that smoothes things out!

EQ was very minimal. I just went off the idiot chart. Maybe when I repost it with everything else around it you can lend a hand with some critiquing that specifically.

David,
Piano is a must. I just got back from dropping off the CD to the guy who's going to try to help. I originally thought this tune could be done without the acoustic??? If the piano player can add some depth I pull the guitar out and see if my initial instincts can hang. I'm hoping for big things. I love a talented piano player on ballads! Strings are must too. I just hope I'm not expecting too much from my friend.

Thanks gents for all the input so far. I appreciate the responses and I know how hard it's getting for everyone to check out all the material here.

Thanks

Joe

 

[ashulman]

Yeah, Floyd is another good example of the thing I'm talking about. Kind of a wash of sound, an undercurrent. More specifically I'm thinking of synth chords that only really move with the changes and don't do a lot of noodling. Think of stuff on the Wall or Bruce's "My Hometown".

 

[chrisharris]

You're a good singer, and this is a good song. What else really matters?



Yes, this is a lazy critique, b/c I just got caught up in the tune. Sue me, I like it.

 

[remco]

Smoke,

pretty good song, good rec. also

there is something missing maybe a xtra guit or piano.
The drum volume in the beginning is going up and down(rimshot)
A bluesy el. guit. solo would be nice.

Nice Work !

Remco

 

[Smokepole]

ashulman
I get your drift now. Now I can explain it better to the guy who's working on it. Thanks for responding again. It's worth a try.



chrisharris,
Thanks, you'll be hearing from my attorney!

remco ,
Piano is on the way. I can't hear the fluctuation you're talking about??? I just listened again for it but I'm not catching it?? I have experimented with some guitar licks complimenting that middle section but nothing to write home about yet.

Thanks guys for taking the time. It'll be fun building a tune with all the input. My first attempts were more complete so I'm looking forward to this.

Joe

 

[darwinsdoggy]

As always, I leave the in-depth tech critiques to those who know what their talking about. I like the song though. Nice feel, very heartfelt. I thought the vox might need to be set back just a hair into the mix but that may be just my preference. All in all, nice song. Would love to hear it with a string arrangement...

 

[SLuiCe]

By the way I'm not speaking with my drum machine right now. It can't take criticism and is acting very childish!

Step 1: Apply water.
Step 2: Visit Ebay.



This is a simple, and very nice tune.

I didn't see what other suggestions were given, but I can't imagine much more than a nice subtle jazz organ or something along those lines. Be sure to post the additions!

 

[Pedullist]

Listening to it right now...(and I never listen to the lyrics the first time)

I'm with Chris. It's good!

(man, the more I review the more I realise I suck at it: add a jazz organ and I'm happy, leave it like it is and I'm happy. Add a violin and I'm happy. I'm hopeless... )

 

[B.SABBATH]

I agree with Triple M that this is begging for harmonies.. great start.. it's already a good song..

 

[Smokepole]

darwinsdoggy The vocal is kinda present. I'm hoping some other tracks and maybe a little more verb as suggested will have the same effect of setting it back a hair. Thanks I'll scrutinize it next mix.

SLuiCe, Thanks,
(Blanket) my jaw's still hangin'

Pedullist, you're just a happy guy! That's a nice compliment Thank You

B. SABBATH I'm glad you like the song. I have to put some more effort into some harmonies. The same suggestions happen for a reason!! Thanks,

Thanks all so far for responding, this is so cool to have ideas like this as you build.

Joe