You're becoming a good new contributor to the Clinic with your postings and your comments. Keep it up, it's what we need. The song is promising and has a catchy keyboard hook. I'm getting a New Order vibe. Really needs vocals IMO.
The mix seemed overly loud. Everything is forward and competing for attention. I wanted to feel that there was an orchestra director standing up at the podium swinging his baton, pointing at one group of instruments to indicate: "you louder," and another to indicate: "you softer." It's more like a group of kids in a garage band, each with his 50 watt Marshall half stack, where the volume just creeps up because everyone wants to be heard over everyone else. A rock arrangement doesn't mean that everything is up. I think you need to make some directorial decisions about which instruments are the focus and which are in a supporting role at any given point in the song. A couple of specific points:
That lead synth is out of control, volume-wise, and brings a harsh sound to your tune. Every time it cut loose, I found myself wanting to back away from the monitors or reach for the volume knob to turn it down. It's a very cutting and powerful sound, but in combination with the other stuff that is loud as well, listening to it is like standing close to a train whistle.
You've got some dissonance going on at a couple of points in the song. It happens right about 2:25 and once earlier in the song. It sounds like you have some sustaining notes that clash with a chord change. Don't know if that was intentional or not, but to my ears it doesn't sound good.
Good start. Keep at it.
