first time here

[tobylight]

Bones To Pick
Aint never going to be the way it was before
Got a bone to pick and a few unsettled scores
you said you’d never ever break my heart and make me cry
from tonight my love these eyes will never dry

I saw you at the station ,
I watched you holding hands
Saw your lips press on to his lips,
in your eyes were bigger plans
You told me that you loved me
You said our love was true
But tonight my love,, your love was somewhere new

I heard your whispers on the phone suspicions grew
Another long lost cousin passing through
You said you’d never ever fool around I held your key
But tonight my love, I saw you fooling me

I saw you at the motel
I watched the lights go down
Saw the curtains pull together
And I heard forbidden sounds
You told me that you loved me
You said our love was true
But tonight my love,, your love was somewhere new

I hear the key turn in the lock at five past two
Another long night chatting families do
you Said you’d never ever tell me lies our love is real
But tonight my love, it’s not a love I feel

I saw you at the station ,
I watched the lights go down
Saw your lips press on to his lips,
And I heard forbidden sounds
You told me that you loved me
You said our love was strong
But tonight my love, I saw our love go wrong

Yes tonight my love, I saw our love go wrong

Aint never going to be the way it was before

 

[mikeh]

I think you do a good job of telling your story with a fairly clear beginning, middle & end. I'm not sure if the section that always ends with "tonight my love" is a changing chorus or a bridge - but I do like the way "tonight my love" continues to create the lyrical hook.

If I was inclind to make any negative comments it would be that some of the rhymes are rather predictable (however, I understand that this can't always be avoided.)

It does seem that starting with "hear the key turning..." you may be struggling to find a way to end your story (this is a challange for all writers - the 1st & 2nd verses seem to come easy, but trying to force a third verse to finish the story can be hard). But I do like the way you wrap it up with "tonight my love I saw our love go wrong".

However, aside from these minor negatives, (which are simply one person's opinion) I think you did a very good job.

 

[starbaby]

beautiful lyrics.