Man I thought I was listening to a new wallflowers tune when it started.
generally i think the mix sounds very good. i don't know if there's anything i would change about the mix. nice job, specially for your first round of this! I really like your voice. Robby Robertson/Jacob Dylan ish.
so i can't help commenting about the music itself. just ignore the next bit of drivel if you're satisfied with it musically, but keep in mind that i rarely go into this much detail. i really like what you've started:
1. the opening lead line isn't doing much for me. i think you could skip it and go right to singing.
2. i agree with phyl about the dead space, fill it or remove it.
3. around 1:20 i want a chorus to kick in or some sort of variety (harmony maybe?) The tune starts to get a little dry about that point and i want something else to kick in. i'm attention deficit with music mostly. need lot's of changes going on.
4. the more i listen the more i think you could definitely remove the dramatic pauses between verse and wind up with a shorter and more interesting ride for the listener.
5. was that the chorus at 1:20? all 5 seconds? hey i've written a lot of music without a chorus, just verses, so i got no problem with that but this thing is screaming for a chorus, something to dig the meat hooks into my meathead....
6. can you say hammond b-3, maybe that's an effect of the comparison with the wallflowers.
there you go, that's my first impression of your first post.
btw, i like the use of your drum loops, it definitely sounds better than sequencing a bunch of samples.