The composition is sweet! The mix seems a bit rough. The drums and cymbals in particular seem like they are not in the mix but separate from it in a weird way. The hi-hat is too bright, and the percusive elements are bright and boxy in a mid-rangey kind of way. The bass needs to be compressed to make it feel a tad more dense and then it needs to be tucked more into the center of the mix but with some distance, but not using reverb. Proximity from Tokyo Dawn Records (
Proximity | Tokyo Dawn Records) is free and has a sweet 'Deep Bass' preset that might help. Great tune, though. With a spot-on mix this sounds like a real record, IMHO.