yo,
imma be brutally honest, because i would hope for the same, its the only way to grow. So dont take offense to anything i say, it's just one mans opinion...
lyrically, your deffinetly on the right track.
it's good to see someone who has more to talk about the money etc...
some of the lyrics were a little basic and some were great. your certainly not bad now, but you also have room for improvement (everyone does, you can never stop improving). i also noticed you flipping things other people have already, try to stay away from that. (i only caught this like once or twice, so its really no big deal, just something to watch for).
delivery...
this is the part you need to work on the most for now IMO.
the first thing i noticed was the lack of passion. you sounded like you were scared of waking somebody up when you recorded these songs.
You HAVE to put emotion, feeling, and energy into the recording if you want others to feel it like you did writting it.
You also got off beat quite a few times.
you have to be cut-throat and make sure all your lines fit in the beat.
cutting lines, and making changes is a time consuming part of writting, but it has to be done.
you dont have to sacrifice content neccesarily, but you have to spend a lot of time thinking of ways to say it, so it stays on rythum.
dont think of recording a song as 'putting lyrics OVER a beat'.
think of it as 'putting lyrics IN a beat.
ride the beat, dont walk after it.
think of your voice as an instrument.
follow the snares, those are the 'metronomes' so to speak, while your writting.
production...
the others on this board will be able to help you out a lot more than I in this department.
off the bat though, its clear that the vocals are too loud.
i agree with investing in a pop-filter. i just recently got one, makes a big difference.
it also sounded like you were really close to the mic. try to ease back off it a little. this will help the clarity.
like i said man, dont take offense to anything i said. im just trying to help out.
i easily could have dropped compliments aswell, because i definetly have good things to say also, but those wont help you, and thats not why you started this thread.
Your certainly on the right track man, keep it moving.
also, my bad for being dodgy with the jigsaw beat, i will try to get it to you asap, been really busy. im barely on these boards anymore.
.peace.