gecko zzed
Grumpy Mod
Have you seen him sway ~ Upfiddler
This is a powerful bit of writing, with just a few verses telling a compelling, complete tale: I can easily picture the video of this, all filmed in sepia, and set in the American south, maybe a hundred years ago. You have tackled this difficult theme sensitively and without melodrama, and allowing the listener to supply the details.
A really neat twist is the chorus. The first three times we hear it, it sounds benign, with nothing to be alarmed about. It is only after the last verse is sung that we get to discover what the chorus is really about.
I enjoyed listening to the song, but someone else mentioned "Mr Bojangles" somewhere, and that thought kept running through my head as I was listening. There are similarities, e.g. "barely touched down". I expect this connection will haunt others as well.
The first two lines of the chorus are engaging and make a great melodic hook. They suggest a possible future treatment, which is to give the chorus a kind of Tex-Mex feel as a weird kind of contrast to the seriousness of the topic.
While on the subject of things musical, I wonder whether it is possible to distil more power from the song by compacting it a bit more. For example, there are a few places where the guitar is playing a few bars as a prelude to the next part of the song. Maybe these gaps could be narrowedto bring all the bits closer together.
Lyrically the song is compelling. I note your earlier worry about "In the bars, on the streets, at the fairs". It's not too bad in the context of the song, but I expect there are alternatives that dwell on "steps that go nowhere" or similar.
I like the personification of Angeline; it's exactly the right name for her in this song.
This is a great line in the song:
"And to help him swing free
They strung him up in a tree".
I wondered at first whether "strung him up in a tree" might be too ordinary, but it works ok.
Excellent work
Love of my life ~ CNIX
Musically this song has a great chorus. The chords are interesting, and the harmonies are great. Nice guitar fills, by the way. Overall, I really like the musical ideas encapsulated in this song, and the instrumentation is a pleasure to listen to.
I expect the benefactor of this song will be delighted by the sentiments expressed here. I get the impression of a sincere, genuine statement of enduring affection. I commend you for this. I would be be highly uncomfortable at writing (or singing) anything as overt as this. (And as I cast my mind back, I don't think I've ever used the word "love" in a song. Is that weird, or what?)
As you can tell, my preference is for lyrics that are not so direct, and I have to say that overall the song is a bit too sweet for my liking. But you have done it well, and, as I said before, whoever you wrote it for should be highly moved.
If I may dwell on the performance a little longer . . . I noted your chorus harmoines which were great. What I wouldn't mind hearing is a little more expression in your voice throughout. You've sung the song fairly conservatively, and maybe variations in the intensity of singing would give the song more energy and excitement.
Just the other day ~ What my say
Nice bluesy feel on "walking" and "talking". You've also achieved a great guitar sound.
On another song of yours I commented on the textures you created in the background, and this song also has the same richness of background. The string arrangement is wonderful, and creates a haunting, absolutely appropriate mood. The tambourine running all the way through should be irritating, but it is not . . . it is just right. However, I would like to hear those backgrounds come forward a bit . . . they are too good to waste by having them hiding in the shadows like that.
This song is a moving rendition of the "loved and lost" theme, and captures brilliantly that hollow, desolate feeling you get when you see someone you were once involved with
The bridge is extraordinarily eemtionally charged, and actually gave me goosebumps! Particularly on "as you light up the room" and "I need the way you move". Those lines have all the exquisite magic of Tim Finn. Above I commented on CNIX's song, noting that it could do with more emotional intensity, something you've done really well here.
If I may be critical, the two entry lines of the bridge "And don't you dance well" and "Lord you dance well" seemed slightly inhibited, kind of as if you were working up to the big moment. Maybe you could try really bursting into these.
One of my most favourite "loved and lost" songs is Chris Rea's "Hello Friend", and this song sits up there with it pretty darn well. Excellent work!
This is a powerful bit of writing, with just a few verses telling a compelling, complete tale: I can easily picture the video of this, all filmed in sepia, and set in the American south, maybe a hundred years ago. You have tackled this difficult theme sensitively and without melodrama, and allowing the listener to supply the details.
A really neat twist is the chorus. The first three times we hear it, it sounds benign, with nothing to be alarmed about. It is only after the last verse is sung that we get to discover what the chorus is really about.
I enjoyed listening to the song, but someone else mentioned "Mr Bojangles" somewhere, and that thought kept running through my head as I was listening. There are similarities, e.g. "barely touched down". I expect this connection will haunt others as well.
The first two lines of the chorus are engaging and make a great melodic hook. They suggest a possible future treatment, which is to give the chorus a kind of Tex-Mex feel as a weird kind of contrast to the seriousness of the topic.
While on the subject of things musical, I wonder whether it is possible to distil more power from the song by compacting it a bit more. For example, there are a few places where the guitar is playing a few bars as a prelude to the next part of the song. Maybe these gaps could be narrowedto bring all the bits closer together.
Lyrically the song is compelling. I note your earlier worry about "In the bars, on the streets, at the fairs". It's not too bad in the context of the song, but I expect there are alternatives that dwell on "steps that go nowhere" or similar.
I like the personification of Angeline; it's exactly the right name for her in this song.
This is a great line in the song:
"And to help him swing free
They strung him up in a tree".
I wondered at first whether "strung him up in a tree" might be too ordinary, but it works ok.
Excellent work
Love of my life ~ CNIX
Musically this song has a great chorus. The chords are interesting, and the harmonies are great. Nice guitar fills, by the way. Overall, I really like the musical ideas encapsulated in this song, and the instrumentation is a pleasure to listen to.
I expect the benefactor of this song will be delighted by the sentiments expressed here. I get the impression of a sincere, genuine statement of enduring affection. I commend you for this. I would be be highly uncomfortable at writing (or singing) anything as overt as this. (And as I cast my mind back, I don't think I've ever used the word "love" in a song. Is that weird, or what?)
As you can tell, my preference is for lyrics that are not so direct, and I have to say that overall the song is a bit too sweet for my liking. But you have done it well, and, as I said before, whoever you wrote it for should be highly moved.
If I may dwell on the performance a little longer . . . I noted your chorus harmoines which were great. What I wouldn't mind hearing is a little more expression in your voice throughout. You've sung the song fairly conservatively, and maybe variations in the intensity of singing would give the song more energy and excitement.
Just the other day ~ What my say
Nice bluesy feel on "walking" and "talking". You've also achieved a great guitar sound.
On another song of yours I commented on the textures you created in the background, and this song also has the same richness of background. The string arrangement is wonderful, and creates a haunting, absolutely appropriate mood. The tambourine running all the way through should be irritating, but it is not . . . it is just right. However, I would like to hear those backgrounds come forward a bit . . . they are too good to waste by having them hiding in the shadows like that.
This song is a moving rendition of the "loved and lost" theme, and captures brilliantly that hollow, desolate feeling you get when you see someone you were once involved with
The bridge is extraordinarily eemtionally charged, and actually gave me goosebumps! Particularly on "as you light up the room" and "I need the way you move". Those lines have all the exquisite magic of Tim Finn. Above I commented on CNIX's song, noting that it could do with more emotional intensity, something you've done really well here.
If I may be critical, the two entry lines of the bridge "And don't you dance well" and "Lord you dance well" seemed slightly inhibited, kind of as if you were working up to the big moment. Maybe you could try really bursting into these.
One of my most favourite "loved and lost" songs is Chris Rea's "Hello Friend", and this song sits up there with it pretty darn well. Excellent work!
