Face of an Angel (new song)

  • Thread starter Thread starter icystorm
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icystorm

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Here is a new demo I'm working on right now. I am waiting to get a new microphone, pre-amp, mixer, and soundcard, so there is some minor clipping on the song. Anyway, comments are appreciated.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=787980&songID=6881381

http://www.box.net/shared/fc06b88fmv

Cheers,
Joseph (icystorm)

- - - l y r i c s - - -

Face of an Angel

Words and music by: Joseph Spain
Created with Jamstudio.com 2.1 and Acoustica Mixcraft 4.1

Verse 1
The road and journey are fought with fear
Afraid to love but inspired to reach you
I know everything I am and everything I'll be
Depends on if your heart will still love me
There's so much more to say
So much left to do
It's written in the stars designed for you
Remember in your mind
Each lonely night you cry
Every day I live for you inside

Chorus
What's mine is yours
What's yours is mine
We brave the world
Overcome the shadows
I'll fall for you
I'll stand in line
Just to see your face in time
The truth I seek is by your side
underneath your love each night
Before my eyes what do I see
The face of an angel smiles at me

Verse 2
Through hell or fire I'll find no fear
To embrace your love I desire to touch you
I know everything you are is everything I need
The truth between the lines will set you free
There's nothing more to say
Nothing left to do
It's written in my eyes through dreams of you
Remember me inside
Each lonely tear you cry
Every day I live to see you shine

Chorus
What's mine is yours
What's yours is mine
We brave the world
Overcome the shadows
I'll fall for you
I'll stand in line
Just to see your face in time
The truth I seek is by your side
underneath your love each night
Before my eyes what do I see
The face of an angel smiles at me

Chorus
What's mine is yours
What's yours is mine
We brave the world
Overcome the shadows
I'll fall for you
I'll stand in line
Just to see your face in time
The truth I seek is by your side
underneath your love each night
Before my eyes what do I see
The face of an angel smiles at me

(repeat chorus through fade)
 
When I first read the lyrics to Face of an Angel I was not enthralled, having seen these words and phrases in many other songs. However, when I listened to the actual song, I found I didn't mind them at all. They are certainly no worse than any other set of lyrics around. And they fit within the melody of the song really nicely.

I enjoyed the song, and I note no small allegiance in the vocals to Barry Gibb, which, in my eyes, is not a bad thing. I really like the progression in the instrumental after the choruses.

There are some things you might like to think about.

Firstly, my ongoing hobbyhorses; dynamic variety and a changing sonic landscape. This track needs both: instrumentally and dynamically there is a little variation from start to finish, and any variation is overwhelmed by the relentless drum pattern. See if you can introduce some major changes. For example, the introduction is too long, but you could make it more interesting by, say, starting off with just the guitars, then bringing other stuff in the next time around. The melody hovers predominantly around three notes (Gb, Bb and Eb), and it would be nice to get a significant break from this.

Vocally, the song is sung well, and with a fair bit of expression. You need to watch your EQ on the vocals. Through my system I'm hearing a peak at around 2k, which you could pull out of the vocals a bit. This 2k resonance is augmented by the effects on the vocals (sounds to me like the vocal track has been copied, then delayed a fraction and mixed together with the main, but it could also be an artifact of MP3 conversion). There are a few words that pop out too much and need taming (for example, 'road' and 'fought' in the first line), and a bit of compression might keep these a bit more under control.

Verse 2 starts with:
"Through hell or fire I'll find no fear
To embrace your love I desire to touch you"

'Desire' rhymes with 'fire', and this is highlighted in the singing where you change your expression in 'to touch you', which is great. I can imagine making more of this, for example, using completely different voices for this phrase (a bit like a call and response). It would be neat to find other parts of the song to do this as well.

There is a curious timing issue lurking in there. At various spots I can hear what sounds like two drum tracks not quite in synch with each other (about 1:20 and 1:30, for example). I'm not sure what's going on there.

All in all, what you have has the makings of (in my view) a great song, but I think further work is needed. The creativity is fine, the execution needs a bit more excitement.
 
Nice song. The lyrics are OK, although the words are a little crowded at times. The sameness of the verses and choruses might seem less evident if some additional or varied instrumental backing were added behind the choruses for emphasis. I would shorten the intro and the spaces between each chorus and the following verse. In the case of the latter, an alternative would be to add some kind of instrumental solo in the spaces.

Tom
 
Great:
Nice vox for a rough draft.
The lyrics fit VERY well with the music without that sing-song sameness that many songs share.
I like the story that lies within the song. Universal themes resonate well with me when done cleverly.
I like the counterplay with the vox near the end of the song a lot.

The not so Great:
The uniformity of the instrumental track is bothersome. Mix it up a bit with other instruments or different dynamics.
The time betwixt verses and choruses only emphasizes the above. Cut it in half and it won't seem quite so much.
In the first line of the song is the word that you use "Fraught" or "Fought"? If it's not "Fraught" then consider using it. I think it better says what you are trying to get across. (If I understand the song correctly.)

All in all, this is a nice effort which could fit well in a retro pop environment or today's acoustic rock genre to my way of listening. Keep working on it and let us know how it turns out.
 
Thanks for the comments and critique, Gecko. I appreciate you taking the time to listen and respond. Yes, Barry Gibb has always been my biggest musical influence. I will fix most of the things you brought up when I make a more polished demo after my new gear arrives.

Thanks again for listening.

Best Regards,
Joseph (icystorm)
 
Oancient1 said:
Nice song. The lyrics are OK, although the words are a little crowded at times. The sameness of the verses and choruses might seem less evident if some additional or varied instrumental backing were added behind the choruses for emphasis. I would shorten the intro and the spaces between each chorus and the following verse. In the case of the latter, an alternative would be to add some kind of instrumental solo in the spaces.

Tom
Click to expand...


Thanks for listening, Tom. Interesting idea about word crowding. I'll consider thinning the lyrics in spots.

Cheers,
Joseph (icystorm)
 
Thank you for listening and commenting, up-fiddler. I toyed with using the word "fraught" -- still might! The counterplay at the end is a page of the Barry Gibb book of songwriting, so I cannot take credit for that idea.

I will be looking into adding more diversity to the instrumental track on my next demo.

Thanks again!

Cheers,
Joseph (icystorm)
 
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