Part 3: What Were You Thinking?
Later that night, I was hanging out in a bar... Dimpled Chad's Bar and Grille.... It was a smoky little dive out on the edge of town, in a really rough kind of neighborhood---the kind of place where you felt lucky to make it out with all your body parts intact.
I guess I looked kind of down, because I asked for a Coke and the bartender poured me a vodka straight up. Suddenly, from behind me, I heard a familiar voice.
"You!" she screamed.
I turned to look, and before I knew it, I felt the familiar sensation of a hand slapping me across the face. It was the same girl with the same attitude.
"You posted that story about me and you made it sound like I was going to sleep with you to make it in the music business!" she shouted.
"No, ma'am," I replied. "I did no such thing. I said we were in bed and that I was naked, not that you were. Your publicist approved the post."
She fumed for a moment, then asked, "Do you have the original copy of the letter? I can't believe they'd let you print lies about me."
"No, ma'am, just the fax... uh... facts," I stammered.
"Give me one reason I should ever speak to you again," she shouted.
The bar grew quiet---a little too quiet, like that awkward moment between the flash of light and the shock wave during a nuclear attack---but it was way too late to duck and cover, so I sat there.
"Well, ma'am," I replied, trying my best to keep my composure, "that little story is an entry into that contest you told me about."
She sat there for a moment, puzzled, then suddenly looked embarrassed. "You're not the Warner Brothers A&R rep. You're that geek with the Nady pencil mic in your pocket."
The bar broke out into laughter. I sat there, humiliated, wondering how I would ever live down the shame... but one thought kept echoing through my brain.... "If I had a Shure 330, I could hold my head high."
I look back on those days sometimes and wonder if that hope was what kept me alive. I guess we'll never know... but I learned something that day. We're all a little like that girl sometimes, and frankly, sometimes size matters, and whether you love or hate the sound of that $49 mic, it will never be
a Shure 330 in the eyes of the people who matter.
But the bartender really brought the message home when he told me about an ancient Chinese proverb. It went something like this:
If love be fickle and evanesce
in just a moment's glance,
keep your Shure upon the desk
and your Nady in your pants.
You are smart!!! I kinda feel low for being part of a begging session... Think I'll sit it out and watch for funny posts! hehe
You're lying!! 
