ehhh?

[Axis]

what do you think of these lyrics anybody? any problems that you folks can see?


Underneath

Early morning the sun wakes up everday
All the workers rise and go off for 8
the leaves float down stream with the current underneath
but everytime i look around me, i see your face

Cause you threw me away
into the darkening grey
cause you threw me away
over the edge today

The time I have spent has been rendered useless
the wounds i used to mend, the flesh has come apart
the wind blows the snow away, as spring sets in
but everytime i look around me i still see your face

cause you threw me away
into the darkening grey
cause you threw me away
over the edge today

little chorddy solo thing and repeat chorus.

any feedback good bad humorus (i know its probably a bad idea to ask this) i would appreciate



by the way how do you spell grey the color ---- grey or gray

 

[joro]

Definitions of Grey:


noun: Englishman who as Prime minister implemented social reforms including the abolition of slavery throughout the British Empire (1764-1845)
noun: Queen of England for nine days in 1553; she was quickly replaced by Mary Tudor and beheaded for treason (1537-1554)
noun: United States writer of western adventure novels (1875-1939)
noun: gray clothing
noun: any organization or party whose uniforms or badges are gray
noun: a neutral achromatic color midway between white and black
verb: turn gray
verb: make gray
adjective: an achromatic color of any lightness between the extremes of black and white
adjective: intermediate in character or position
adjective: used to signify the Confederate forces in the Civil War (who wore gray uniforms)
adjective: showing characteristics of age, especially having gray or white hair
adjective: darkened with overcast
name: A surname (common: 1 in 25000 families; popularity rank in the U.S.: #2782)


Definitions of gray:


noun: horse of a light grey or whitish color
noun: gray clothing
Example: "He was dressed in gray"
noun: a neutral achromatic color midway between white and black
noun: any organization or party whose uniforms or badges are gray
Example: "The Confederate army was a vast gray"
noun: United States botanist who specialized in North American flora and who was an early supporter of Darwin's theories of evolution (1810-1888)
noun: American navigator who twice circumnavigated the globe and who discovered the Columbia River (1755-1806)
noun: English poet best known for his elegy written in a country church-yard (1716-1771)
verb: turn gray
Example: "Her hair began to gray"
verb: make gray
adjective: clothed in gray or a gray costume
Example: "Gray Ladies are volunteer workers in the American Red Cross"
adjective: an achromatic color of any lightness between the extremes of black and white
Example: "Gray flannel suit"
adjective: intermediate in character or position
Example: "A gray area between clearly legal and strictly illegal"
adjective: used to signify the Confederate forces in the Civil War (who wore gray uniforms)
Example: "A stalwart gray figure"
adjective: showing characteristics of age, especially having gray or white hair
adjective: darkened with overcast
Example: "A gray rainy afternoon"
name: A surname (very common: 1 in 943 families; popularity rank in the U.S.: #69)

Works both ways man.....
I like your lyric man...
best part about it is that there is not one cliche' ....none...
very cool writing man...
Take it easy,
Joe

 

[Abyyss]

by the way how do you spell grey the color ---- grey or gray

Grey is the english spelling, gray is the american spelling.

 

[zer0sig]

i usually spell it "grey"-because of castle greyskull

feedback: (totally subjective and not trying to bash any of this)

tough to perceive how the main verses would go. musical accompaniment or marks for syllables would fix that, i suspect. easily workable, the syllables are pretty uniform in feel to me from line to line-i'm just not sure where they're going from reading it alone.

on the chorus, i would probably chop them to two lines, removing "away" and slapping the second/fourth lines on. that said, i don't know how it flows as intended, so this is just how it struck me. i dig the imagery, btw. simple, but seasonal imagery always conjures emotion up for me.

 

[Axis]

i would put up a clip but i don't really know how to put one up