Dynamics, chorus without the chords and stand alone songs.

T

theron

New member
I use to go by the rule that, "if I can't pull it off with just my acoustic and vocals, then I should rethink the song". My idea being not to rely on any one or anything for the power, quality or feeling of a song. Granted, this gives rise to a level of competence at guitar (my chosen writing medium). That aside, let me know what ya think of these lyrics. They all are sung over the same chord pattern and I don't feel like introducing a "chorus, bridge" change in the progression. I know it is hard due to a lack of actual music but, I think this hard front of naked lyrics is a great place to start in my current dilema.

"Dying on the vine"


I've been falling out of favor with my
demons and my saviors claim the day
is never coming when I freely drink tommorrows wine
today

No more waiting for the fulcrum
to finnaly give and them some mystic
glitch fixes the lonelyness that's plagued my sorry supine life's
array

"chorus"
no more, Dying on the vine
Waiting for what's behind
forsaking the moment for better times
no more, Dying on the vine



That mad maiden serindipity can't seem
to find a way for me to be
blessed with fortune in both time and
space

So I trade my stagnant yearnings for a
switchblade sharp and learning, carving
out my own kinetic slice of
fate.

Chorus,
Chorus,

Repeate first verse.

End.


I know it is a tad convoluted but, it flows nicely when sung with the chord progression.

Any thoughts, help, suggestions? When I play it on the acoustic, it sounds good but, has no balls. I heard a powerful "band"song in my head, with all the parts of bass, drums and lead git giving the overall song some nuts but, I don't want to depend on that to write a solid tune.
Theron.
 
I think it could work.....I also think that the cliche "Dying on the vine" is an excellent cliche to use as the template for starting a song.........I think it's great when you come across one like that....


Lyrics are good too....

Anyway, I would just say that if you are going to go with the "drone" music....i.e. not changing the chords for the whole thing that it is ok......Many people have pulled it off sucessfully before....However, I would make sure it's cleverly arranged and if want that "big" sound I would not just blast in with it and keep it going the entire song.........I would start it off with a sparce mix only vocals and one or two instruments....I would pay alot of attention as to when the other instruments should be introduced in the song and try to slowly elevate the song to the "big" sound that you want in a nice big cresendo!!!!!! That would make it much interesting..........Lately I've been listening to alot of this band called "built to spill" and they do alot of drone type music and they do it effectively and the reason it is effective is entirely due to the momentum generated by the arrangement...

NOt having heard the music....that is my opinion


- nave
 
Thanks for the opinion. It was encouraging in the sence that you tapped into my idea ( not a new one) of sparce yet, impactual arrangment. I still want a PUNCH in the song. Maybe a typical pregnant pause will suffice if I follow your lead and tease the intro of new elements to the mix.

Thanks again.

Theron.
 
very good lyrics.
most lyrics people write sound too pretentious and obvious.
your come off sounding just right. good use of meter and alliteration.
very maynardesque. :)
 
Theron...The honerary TS Elliot of the board..This offering is very poetic and good..I think that the song will "tell' you what it needs to be..In my opinion sometimes the "balls" is in the delivery as opposed to the level of bombast of the music..Kinda like T.Waits sometimes its just him and piano sometimes every string player and musician you can cram on tape.LOL.Introspective song..Introspective music {IMHO}..The word "space" what about "place" ..Your rule is also mine{about simplicity makin' it stand on the merits of the song first}...Good luck bud, enjoyed the read..

Don
 
I totally agree with your theory that if it doesn't sound good with just guitar and vocals you should rethink it. I do that with all my tunes, and usually that helps me weed out the stuff I need to either do some re-writing on, or scrap altogether.

At the same time, I think an arragement can either make or break a good song... I know that may sound contradictory, but if you think about it, it's not.

WATYF
 
Web, glad you dig the words. I'm at a loss as to the "maynardesque" reference but, I'm comfortable being in the dark on account of familiarity.

Don,
I think your right in regards to letting the song tell me what it needs. I think I'll record a tinker take and see what happens. But first, I want to get the vocal delivery down a bit more solid. I'll post an mp3 when I get something that isn't too embarassing. TS Elliot. Mmmm, I think I've too many calluses on my feet to slip, even briefly, into his slippers.

WATYF.
I've found a growth in my songwriting after I started to pay a lot more attention to the use of arrangment as a tool and not just call the song DONE after I'd finished the lyrics and found a melody.


Thanks all,
Anything or one else?

Theron.
 
The song is up on the mp3 clinic

well, I spent a couple days and recorded a version of the song useing a slow/fitting build with my limited musicianship. It is on the MP3 forum under "mixing, moving and maintaining attention". I'd love to hear what you think of the song after just reading and critiqing the lyrics. If you've any time and motivation, please take a listen.

Thanks a load.

Theron.
http://www.nowhereradio.com/theron/singles
 
At the risk of being selfish, I was motivated by the lyric post to record a version of this song. I've come to respect and learn from the regs on this forum. With my tail between my legs, I ask again for thoughts on the outcome of the lyrics in their musical format. Feedback so far is that I can't sing in tune. This is an internally know disfunction and atavistic nemesis. Aside or inspite of that, could ya lend an ear. As I stated, this is very selfish but, I'm compelled to solicite a follow up opinion. Thanks in advance for any more concideration on your part.

Theron.
 
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