Delilah: New Song. Rough mix.

R

Robus

Well-known member
Here's a new original song called Delilah. My first [edit: fourth...] attempt to mix it. All comments welcome, on mix, composition, performance, lyrics, arrangement, etc. Thanks!

[EDIT: New mix]



Delilah

Delilah dear, you been close to me
Like a ringing in my ear
And it hurts to see you go
We been quite the deal, you know Delilah
But you step on out across that floor
Turn to look one more time, just one more time
All your promises, they bleed across the floor
As you walk on through that door
Delilah

Down in the holler where you come from
Luck don’t bloom in the morning sun
And nothing laughs or cries
Past the broken windows and bitter ends
You’re a runaway train on a wicked wind
Heading for the bend

Delilah
You gazed upon this twisted world
And smiled your crooked smile of love
While all your boys in tattered jeans
Lay their shattered dreams outside your door
Delilah please don’t believe in them no more

When I first set my sights on you
In your red hair, lace, and your eyes of blue
And the coal dust belching from your ears
As you walked me down your trail of tears
All my cares went away, it seemed
All the tell-me-whys and the what-it-means
Just vanished in the creases of your jeans
Delilah

And now you’re step on off that ledge to fly
And you might reach the sky
Or make a last Bansai
Well you cut my hair, you took my car
Delilah please don’t stray too far
You always was a part of me
I’m standing like an amputee

Delilah
You gazed upon this wicked world and smiled
Your crooked smile of love

Now my heart’s as dry as the Aral Sea
And my love’s gone home to Tennessee
Delilah, what you seen in me
But the broken springs of time?

Delilah
You gazed upon this wicked world and smiled
Your crooked smile of love
While all your boys in tattered jeans
Lay their shattered dreams outside your door
Delilah, please

(Word and Music Ray Taylor, 2015)
 
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The guitar work is really quite good. The tone is very fitting for the song. Everything sounds pretty well mixed, I don't have any criticisms in regard to the levels or tone.

It's all composed quite well.

I'm not sure I like the snare sound that changes at points in the song. It's a little distracting. I think the backing vocals could be panned a little more central. I can't hear any automation on it, it sounds very natural. I don't know what DAW you're using, but I would have the main vocal up the centre and the top backing at 9pm left and right, or 50% panned, that way they'll blend in to a harmony a little better. If you're going for separation ignore me, but I wonder if it would work better having it closer together.

The mix, performance and song is great. My only issue is with the snare sound and panning of the backing vocals, although that's somewhat subjective.

Awesome work! :guitar:
 
Thanks Phil. Using Reaper. I'll be taking another swing at those backing vocals to make them blend better. That snare switches to a rimshot in the chorus. More work to do on the whole drum track, I think.

Did you find the lead vocal too forward in the mix?
 
It's cool. I think the guitaring can come up a bit. Especially the solos and stuff. I like to be able to hear the guitar a bit more. The vibrato of the lead vocals seems a tiny bit weird on some parts, but I mean it's more of a personal preference type of thing I guess. Cool tune, dawg :D
 
The bvox over the side sometimes gets in the way when it's singing too many syllables.
The intro needs to have a little more punch then drop behind the vox.
Can you control the vibrato? If you can use it to highlight things a bit more. If you can't you may need to retrack some phrases where it takes over a little.
 
Kick was a tad heavy for my taste. Bass is light.

Performance:
The vibrato sounded more like nervousness rather than intended.
When there were multiple voices, they sounded disjointed. Maybe intended, but it didn't feel like it fit.

Hope these comments were helpful.
 
These comments are immensely helpful. Thanks all! I'm going to work on that vibrato. It's down to nervousness and insecurity about hitting and holding pitch. I never thought of myself as a singer--not even a little bit--but as an instrumentalist and songwriter. However, I've been trying to improve my voice and have been working at it more in the last few months. I'll put up another take and a new mix as soon as I can get to it, within a few days I hope.
 
Holding a note is a lot harder than many people think. You can just work at practicing holding notes or, cut your notes shorter. You'll get it with a little time and effort.
 
I posted another mix (linked in the OP). I wound up re-recording the lead vocal, changing the melody in a few places and trying to minimize some of the mannerisms a couple of you pointed out. Also worked on blending the backing vocals. I brought up the bass just a bit. And made a few refinements to the lyrics.

I think it's an improvement... It's not yet where I want it to be. Anyway I've kind of lost my objectivity about it. I need to leave it for a while and work on some other songs that are close to finished.

All comments welcome and appreciated. Thanks!
 
What a great song. I like the way it ended unresolved, I thought it fit the tone of the lyrics perfectly. I don't have anything to critique except to say that SoundCloud was not very kind to your drums.
 
Thanks man. I'm not sure the current mix is better than the previous one, TBO. A little boomy, I think. The electric guitars on the right are going to need to come back down as they are masking the vocals. Doubling the lead vocal created some artifacts that will need to be addressed. I'm to the point of being sick of it for the moment, so I'll leave it and come back to it in a couple of weeks.

BTW easlern, I've noticed that you are one of the people who consistently takes time to comment on people's tracks, not just mine. That is much appreciated. There are plenty who post tracks looking for help but give nothing back. I've been trying to follow your example. The more who do likewise, the better the community.
 
I like the guitar on the left. That sounds nice. The acoustic guitar on the right sounds nice too, but it's kind of soft. The electric guitar that comes in later on the right is nice too.

The vocal performances need to be tighter. They're a bit loose. They could use a little presence boost - maybe at 5K or so. It seems like there is also a flange/phasey/chorusy something on them.

The cymbals are very swishy/phasey.

Bass doesn't sound too bad.
 
Thanks. I reverted to the previous mix, which had the lead vocals and harmonies a little more forward in the mix. I thought it had a little bit less phase interference between the doubled lead vocal. Of the four :facepalm: mixes I've done, I like this one best so far. Lead vocals may be a bit wet, and the electric guitars toward the end too loud.

I'm a little mystified by what is going on with the swishy cymbals. They sound okay in my monitors, but as soon as I upload to Soundcloud, I hear exactly what you are talking about. Perhaps some artifact of the SC compression routine?
 
Great song you've got going here. Not sure how long you've been doing this, but you're off to a good start.

At first I thought that the vocals were too loud, but now that I'm towards the end of the song they're actually getting buried a bit, mainly by that electric guitar on the right. When the lead vocal is in unison with whichever backing vocal, it sounds a little messy. I couldn't quite tell if you just doubled the lead vocal through the song, but if so, back off on the 2nd vocal track a bit to alleviate that conspicuous doubled sound but still retain the thickening and pitch-normalizing effect of it.

I like the electric guitar tone, although it could use a little more body. If you've hi-passed it, ease off. I couldn't hear much bass guitar either, don't be afraid to give it a little goose on the fader.
 
The song is a good fit to the genre, mix wise your fighting the vocals its your focus so you loose whats going on music wise as the listener. You have some good instrumentation thats being pushed back.
 
Robus said:
Thanks. I reverted to the previous mix, which had the lead vocals and harmonies a little more forward in the mix. I thought it had a little bit less phase interference between the doubled lead vocal. Of the four :facepalm: mixes I've done, I like this one best so far. Lead vocals may be a bit wet, and the electric guitars toward the end too loud.

I'm a little mystified by what is going on with the swishy cymbals. They sound okay in my monitors, but as soon as I upload to Soundcloud, I hear exactly what you are talking about. Perhaps some artifact of the SC compression routine?
Click to expand...

I tend to comment before reading threads in the clinic. But I think that you nailed the adjustments that you can make here. A little too much 'verb on the vocals, back them off a bit, and take down the solo electric guitar a bit outside of the solo itself.
 
Tadpui said:
Great song you've got going here. Not sure how long you've been doing this, but you're off to a good start.
Click to expand...

Thanks. It's kind of you to say that. I'm pretty new to digital recording. I did some home recording years ago when cassette portastudios were the shizzle. Much has changed! I'm just trying to figure out what I'm doing. :confused:
 
Backing vocals are definitely less separated. Much better IMO.

Nice lead work, some nice phrases. Mix sounds quite nice to me, the lead part at 4:26 seems a bit loud in the mix for me. I think the song should fade out at the end, not sure if it's meant to end abruptly. The vocal performance is good!

Nothing else jumps out at me really. Great job.
 
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