Critique my band's song

[pewterbird99]

The lyrics are below. Go to www.myspace.com/swindel to listen to the song "Outside These Four Walls" it should be the first one. I want to be critiqued on virtually everything. Tell me what you think of the lyrics, structure, the song as a whole. Be harsh too, I want to know what you really think. I personally wrote the lyrics and sing in the band so let me know what you think about them.


The days outside these four walls
Are the darkest days I have seen
The air outside these four walls
Is so cold I can barely breathe

Im beating down the door, I wait
But no one hears me in the end
Im beating down the door you locked
Will someone out there, will someone let me in

Scream it with me till the end
Will someone out there let me in?
Im cold im hungry and broken down
I feel the world has locked me out

The streets out side are empty
All the windows boarded up
The world around me's laughing
I can't help but feel so stuck

Im beating down the door, I wait
But no one hears me in the end
Im beating down the door you locked
Will someone out there, will someone let me in

Scream it with me till the end
Will someone out there let me in?
Im cold im hungry and broken down
I feel the world has locked me out

I wish you'd open up this door
Cause Im locked outside you can't ignore
I wish you'd open up this door
Cause Im locked outside you can't ignore

Scream it with me till the end
Will someone out there let me in?
Im cold im hungry and broken down
I feel the world has locked me out

 

[azraelswings]

Honestly:

Everything for the most part is done skillfully. Melody is solid. Vox are good. Lyrics work pretty well. There are a few lines I don't like personally, but I think thats more my preference than anything else. I think that they fit your musical style well though.

But, nothing here strikes me as unique or groundbreaking. Which, to be fair, you don't at all need to be in order to be commercially successful. I just couldn't see myself buying a CD if this song were the only I'd heard, only because I couldn't imagine myself listening to it too many times. There's a certain generic aspect. Don't let this discourage you at all, its probably just my opinion and tastes. Keep it up. Everything's tight.

Like the little soft break, very Brand New.

 

[Monkey Allen]

Shades of a young Woody Guthrie in the lyrics. But he liked rough hands